The False Choice of American Politics: The Socialist Party of America website is useless and ugly

Washington, DC — The absolution of two-party control over American voters is so strong that actual voter fraud is neither necessary nor would it even be detectable if such a need were to arise.

The Socialist Party of America is suspiciously ugly. When compared to the Democratic and Grand Old Party party websites, the Socialist website seems intentionally bad, like they don’t want to have a modern image.

Of course, looks aren’t everything. It would be excusable if, like the Vice website used to be, the portal was ugly but the work was good, or the representatives existed. However, there is nothing on the Socialist Party USA website to suggest their power extends beyond three shitty state-level representatives, one in New Jersey, New York and some state out west.

On the other hand, the site of Democratic Socialists of America looks new, focused and poised to attack. Democratic socialism is a logical response to the money-crazed fanaticism of Democrats and Republicans, as it seeks to maintain the fundamental basis of capitalism with greater controls of worker rights, adherence to 40-hour work weeks and weekends, and free healthcare. Unfortunately, they’ve already sold themselves out to a very popular and charismatic centrist. The third page on their site is a hashtag: #WeNeedBernie (do we?)

Watch the Twitter hashtag to see people falling for it.

Let’s pretend for a second like we need a career politician like oldguy Bernie Sanders. Yes, he’s “an Independent” but so is Jumpin’ Joe Lieberman, a notoriously corrupt piece of filth. More importantly, he is a career politician. Who remembers 2007 when we “needed” Barack Hussein Obama? Sure, we needed everything he claimed to offer – which, just hearing him utter controversial opinions was revolutionary, and America just had to see what would happen if he got in. He offered: transparency, ending wars for profit and ending mass surveillance. Instead, powermongering hatefiends belonging to the Obama administration read our emails and record citizens’ phone calls, forcing Facebook and Google to share our data with them, they instigate wars whose profiles exist only to refuel Arab hatred for the USA in order to feed the greed of Lockheed-Martin and Boeing, and his administration prosecutes more whistle-blowers than any president in US history. What the fuck!

So after the rising reasonable group of kids turned into adults and saw the extent to which career politicians lie, why are political parties in the US still exclusively Republican or Democratic? Both sides represent competing, high-level financial interests that don’t concern the majority, peppered with their own draconian versions of uncalled-for social controls, both sides offering solutions no one asked for to the weakest and least pressing problems Americans face, like gun control or abortion, two issues which are constitutionally laid out and don’t really need all the hate politicians continuously lay on it, at least not when the police are acting like rabid dogs and motherfuckers can’t find work outside of the new Wal-Mart that sprang up just outside city limits last year.

Political initiatives are so irrelevant and out-of-touch Bernie Sanders might as well introduce new regulations to curb animal waste downtown from overuse of the horse and carriage. How many more career politicians do you motherfuckers intend to vote for? Do #WeNeedBernie? Yeah, sure, #WeNeedBernie, according to the Democratic Socialists of America. It has been eight years since we heard somebody talking tough, saying all the shit we never thought we’d hear a politician say, and thankfully Bernie’s saying it. Here comes Obama II. We’ve had eight years to forget politicians are allowed to say whatever it takes to gain votes and get elected. It has been eight years of unchecked neoliberal corporate tyranny, enabled by Obama, facilitating modern-day indentured servitude in the form of stagnant, unsustainable wages, systematic rape of the land, usurping of environmental controls, and rampant police brutality, as well as the opportunity to witness the middle class lose access to medicine and treatments while paying more for their “insurance” at the same time. No thanks. Just give me the death panels. Put me on the death panels.

Neither the Republican nor Democratic party represents the average American, but by maintaining a relatively poor quality public discourse on American “news” outlets (propaganda holes) such as CNN, FOX News, MSNBC and local news outlets whose go-to primary sources are the police, both parties – our “only” choices – continue to maintain a mutually beneficial death grip on the populace. The absolution of their control over American voters is so strong that actual voter fraud is neither necessary nor would it even be detectable if such a need were to arise.

To hear straightforward, factual presentations of events, Americans turn to other countries’ news outlets such as The Guardian, Al Jazeera and BBC. To watch Al Jazeera or the BBC, however, Americans who have left cable TV behind are forced to use virtual private servers that make our Internet connections appear British, because authentic news stations like BBC and Al Jazeera – to remain sustainable – forged agreements with cable and satellite companies like Comcast, Cox and Dish Network to block American access to their Web content under the premise we will sign up for premium cable packages to gain access to the real news. But people are lazy and especially cheap. Shit like CNN and FOX is free because it’s shit. So it is very difficult to get honest video news in the US, which again makes it difficult to access other political ideologies since the big two control the media with more money every election cycle, a staggering monetary figure that continues to climb, going unchecked for some fucked up reason by the Federal Election Commission. In 2008, Americans spent $5.3 billion on federal elections to get a guy elected into a job that pays $400,000 per year. We here at The Internet Chronicle consider ourselves gambling men, so we know a rigged game when we see one.

“It’s rigged, bros!”

Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour, CHRONICLE.SU Political Scientist

The Democrats vehemently deny their socialist ties as FOX News attacks them year after year. The hilarious irony is that they’re right. The Democrats are so far from socialism that an objective analyst from the height of the Cold War would swear they’re the good guys. If neoliberal Democrats are “leftist” then what the fuck is Germany’s Pirate Party, or François Hollande, or Canada, for that matter?

In other news, local TV news anchors look terrified of everything.