Health Technology

Snowden unveils Sewer Drone drug surveillance program

Snowden flew into a rage at the lack of response to recent NSA revelations and said he would "cut to the chase."
Snowden flew into a rage at the lack of response to recent NSA revelations and said he would “cut to the chase” with disclosure of the secret Sewer Drone program.

MOSCOW — Sunday afternoon, Snowden once again stunned Americans with information about a secret NSA Sewer Drone program which detects traces of drugs by snooping through human excrement in public sewers. According to Snowden, the NSA relays the information gleaned from the Sewer Drone program to local police, who then construct a “parallel” investigation which excludes all mention of the secret drones so drug offenders can then be “legitimately” prosecuted. Repeat offenders, Snowden claims, may be identified by comparing traces of DNA in excrement to prison records.

Snowden spoke to reporters, shouting angrily, “This should be the final straw. Is nothing holy? The drug war has gone too far. The NSA surveillance has gone to far. I have nothing more to say.” Snowden opened his laptop in pure rage, snapping it in half at the hinge and slamming the keyboard. He bellowed, “Why won’t you people listen? They’re sifting through your shit, and if they find a trace of marijuana they’ll tie it to your DNA, come for you, and concoct a fake investigation!”

Astonished, all reporters left the press conference, but Internet Chronicle reporter Frank Mason was unaffected due to a mild buzz. Mason offered Snowden a bong rip, which Snowden gladly accepted. Once calmed, Snowden said, “The problem is that these drones — they can detect disease. They can be used for good, but now they’re simply used to target the poor.”

6 replies on “Snowden unveils Sewer Drone drug surveillance program”

When in the future your grandchildren are in GOOGLE search. They will ask you: – Oh! Grandpa, why do not you realize that slow extermination of the Indians? And your conscience will feel bitter taste to know that the Indians for over 500 years has suffered injustice, violence and oppression and other brutalities. Brazil today, has become an example of democracy in Latin America. But this scourge persists concrete we denigrate as Developed Nation. For creation of a National Secretariat of Indigenous Peoples. Click!

I think edward snowden has the right idea. you should do as many drugs as possible, hide as many of them as possible from the authorities, and then plug as much of it in your ass as possible.

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