Remove all money from Congressmen, Senators and Presidents

From this point forward, if and when you win an election, you give up your right to a bank account, to finances, etc.

Instead, you’re given a budget – all Senators the same budget, nothing exorbitant and obviously more than what you’ll need for air-fare, taxis, food and shelter.

But no more than that – and you don’t get control of those funds, as few and meager as they are, our funds are still worth protecting from you.

And there’s a cap on what you can spend in order to get elected to begin with.

You’re given a retirement that matches not a percentage of what you’ve made – but an allowance that is voted on by the people and the presidents and averaged between the votes. This retirement allowance will bestow unto you all the comforts an outgoing president deserves, and more, and adjust with inflation.

The only difference is, you don’t get to keep the money you made before getting into office. Combining the asborbtion of all prior funds (back into the system you work for) with a campaign finance-cap deters even the snakiest of money-tricks used to manipulate elections and obstruct justice that might otherwise lead us back to true democracy, by the people, for the people.

These tricks include, but are not limited to:

Enslavement of the American people by:

  • supplanting political conviction with poisonous (pro-ignorance) ideology

This aids and is achieved by:

  1. negatively affecting the outcome of elections by:
  2. allowing corporate funding to cross over into political campaigns


  1. quietly degrades democracy
  2. bankrupts the American people – the foundation of the nation

Playstation Network users to file class action lawsuit

Today, Sony admitted that the recent breach in the Playstation Network compromised the personal information of its users. The information they fumbled includes full names, home addresses, birthdays, e-mails, logins, and passwords. While Sony has not been forthcoming about the safety of credit card information, they have admitted to the strong probability that this has also been compromised. Sony recommends that customers check their credit report. We must conclude the PSN credit card database has been entirely compromised, otherwise Sony would never ask its customers to check their credit reports.

Sony’s incompetence has led to the collective loss of privacy for 69 million people on PSN. It is safe to assume that this will most likely lead to financial losses in a significant proportion that may already be targets of identity theft and phishing. Even in the unlikely event that the credit card information is proven safe, PSN users have been the victims of Sony’s destructive incompetence. Representatives of the 69 million Playstation Network users are to file a class-action suit shortly. Sony will pay for the damages they have incurred. The masses will not be satisfied with small PSN trifles in exchange for network downtime. This is far beyond the scope of network downtime.

The lack of transparency Sony has shown is shocking. It is apparent that they have no regard for their own users and plot each statement carefully just to set up profitable public relations. The most likely scenario is that Sony has known all the facts for weeks. The DDoS attacks by Anonymous gave Sony their best chance to fix the situation quietly and without blame. However, Sony has misjudged the gullibility and timidity of their consumers. With the help of Anonymous, PSN users have angrily demanded answers to the right questions at the right time. Now they demand to be paid back for Sony’s failure. Anonymous is on the side of PSN users even though they were quick to wrongly blame Anonymous. Anonymous exists to make sure those who are damaged by Sony will be repaid. Anonymous will file the class action suit if no one else will. Many within Anonymous have also been harmed by Sony’s incompetence.



New Zealand's "anti-piracy" law destroys net neutrality

New Zealand’s Parliament has done much more than outlaw the sharing of copyrighted material with their recently adopted legislative amendment.

The government must now force all internet service providers to police their user base for bit torrents. Aside from the immediate cost to service providers, this will have far-reaching economic effects. The slowed growth of internet infrastructure will ultimately hurt all of New Zealand’s online business. This is an affront to a nation that is faced with economic crisis.

This policing of “pirates” will destroy the individual rights to privacy of law abiding individuals. Bit torrents are home to vast quantities of perfectly legal material in the public domain. Those who use bit torrents for any kind of material will become subject to intense surveillance of all their internet activities.

Not stopping at torrents, those who simply use too much bandwidth will be first warned and then charged with steep fines. Under the guise of “anti-piracy,” New Zealand has thrown away net neutrality. On September 1st, 2011, bandwidth will become a taxable commodity for New Zealand.

This same tactic, if proven viable, will likely be applied by other governments all over the world.

PSN credit card database compromised

Two days after shutting down PSN, Sony admitted to an event they described as an “external intrusion.” A million rape jokes and three days later, Sony will not come clean about what this means for the millions of customers who have their credit card information stored on PSN. There is no way for Sony to confirm that their customers’ credit card information is safe. As per usual, Sony has remained silent in hopes that this will be forgotten. Anonymous does not forget.

Anonymous has been very clear that it is in no way responsible for the most recent attacks on Sony. However, Anonymous takes responsibility for forcing Sony to reveal that the security of PSN was compromised. Anonymous shed the shackles of the Low Orbit Ion Cannon by using their voice to convince otherwise indifferent masses into asking Sony the right questions at the right time. Sony has failed their customers in a more profound way than when they sued GeoHotz.

It is true that Sony could have profited by shutting down its servers at a time when they knew Anonymous would take the blame. Now that Sony has admitted this isn’t the case, the consumers must ask what this means to their individual security. If I had made the mistake of giving Playstation Network my credit card information, I would be maxing the fucker out. Beats the shit out of paying for someone else’s hookers!

Anonymous may have spoiled gaming for a  day with the Low Orbit Ion Cannon and then made a fool of themselves with a Facebook Event that went south. But on the other hand, Sony has spoiled gaming for 5 days and accidentally dropped the credit card dox on all their own customers.

Grady Warren in 2012

Grady Warren
Grady Warren

It is our great pleasure to introduce to you the official Chronicle.SU endorsement of Grady Warren for President of the United States of America in 2012!

Grady Warren, Florida Community College alumnus, is a Sporting Goods Professional living in Jacksonville, Fla. and is a member of the American Tea Party.


Why Grady Warren?

  • He wants to deny all minorities the right to vote. Everybody knows that it takes a majority vote to win, so why should minorities vote?
  • He wants to send blacks to re-education camps to learn how to become Americans. This is an important step in national politics because it is no secret that nearly every American inner-city is jam-packed full of black people. Most of them have probably never even been camping!
  • We agree with Warren that blacks are an issue, even here at the Chronicle. For example, you have probably noticed that our site is overrun by multiple shades of black. Thankfully, the reason we type so much is to get all the white onscreen as we possibly can.
  • Warren seeks deportation based on religion, specifically of Muslims. Groundbreaking! We really wish he wanted to deport all religions, but we consider this a valid compromise; because, if we can at least open up discussion on the deportation of one religion, Islam, maybe down the road Americans will be more open to deporting other religions like Christianity and Buddhism.
  • He believes it’s not racist to love Christmas. With this statement, we agree on every level because Jesus was black.

Finally, Warren dares to ask the question, “Is it racist to love Sarah Palin, because she’s the female version of Ronald Reagan and to millions of men, she is their fantasy wife?”

The female version of Ronald Reagan
Fantasy wife of millions of men, including the honorable and infallible Grady Warren.

“Sarah is all about what’s great in America.”

“This guy is an important ideological leader.”
-Tyler Bass
Washington insider, Chronicle.SU correspondent

Support Grady Warren

Old Brutus does Grady Warren

Electric Wizard

Electric Wizard is the only modern-day stonermetal band that fucking jams consistently.

Obviously, props go out to heavy metal badasses The Sword, and while they are really very good and rock with the badassitude of Black Sabbath or AC/DC, they don’t hold a candle the brain-fuzzing vocals and asshole-tearing riffs of the amazing Electric Wizard.

Their songs range from spaced-out bass grooves with tripped-out repeating guitar and phaser-enhanced vocals to all out sludge jams with straight-up screaming – but not that growly shitty screaming you hear in teenage pop music, but actual singing with emotion and purpose.

Electric Wizard is a band whose guitar solos hark back to Tony Iommi, but their rhythms are comparable to Slo-Burn, Kyuss and at times resemble doom metal. Contributing to time dilation, the tempos can slow down as low as about 60 or 80, but make your foot tap about 160 when the solo comes screaming out of nowhere and you’re being screamed at like you killed Jesus – just to hear him scream.

Their song material ranges from hate to drugs to the travel of space and time. No faggy stuff about love here, folks. Just sludgy, face-melting reality-altering jams.

Buy any album, or bittorrent them and buy tickets to their fucking shows. [Editor’s note: A good practice if you’re going to download a band’s discography is find a way to donate what money you can afford to their operation.]

Try to find their song “Chrono Naut.”

Barack Obama's personality cult

Ask any Democrat about Bradley Manning. This is probably what they will say.

You don’t have to graduate high school to understand that by uttering the words “He broke the law,” President Obama has overstepped the powers granted to him by the constitution. My memory of 5th grade civics is a little distant, but I think it’s the judicial branch of government that gets to declare when the law is broken.

It’s important to understand that this is a civil issue and not a military one. There is absolutely no evidence that any members of the military have come to harm because of Bradley Manning’s alleged leaks. Not only that, but the leaks in question were not sold to our enemies. They were revealed to the entire world. This is the only proper context from which to view Bradley Manning’s alleged crimes. In such a context, the leaks can only be described as civil disobedience. The media, the military, and Barack Obama himself have told every possible lie to obscure the proper understanding of this issue from the general public. Those within the Obama administration who speak out are purged.

Ask a Democrat about why Barack Obama decided to escalate war in Afghanistan. They will most likely tell you that it was completely necessary in order for us to win. Thanks to Bradley Manning, we know this is a lie. The idea that innocent civilians suffer most from war is now fact. No civilian or soldier on either side wins this kind of war. Should that really be a state secret?

Ask a Democrat about Libya. They’ll tell you we’re just doing what the UN told us to, keeping Gaddafi from committing genocide. They regurgitate Obama’s bullshit as if it was their own. Oh, there are no boots on the ground — just special forces and CIA. Gaddafi doesn’t need his meager air force to continue genocide. He has plenty of artillery to indiscriminately shell rebel-held cities. He still has plenty of tanks to crush his citizens.

We, as a people, must remember the economic benefit of expending bombs and using up fuel. It means more money for big business. America doesn’t have much of an interest in Libya except that gigantic corporations stand to profit. Should public opinion support a ground war, we will have it. Barack Obama’s voice for hope and change will continue to infect humanity with death and condemn those who stand for true change.

It’s interesting what information Bradley Manning holds in the recesses of his shattered mind. Obama knows that Manning has a network of supporters in every level of government and military. For Manning, this has meant months of humiliation and cold, sleepless nights. Bradley Manning’s silence has protected American dissidents from a Stalinist purge.

“Well, as long as Obama says its okay.”

The Verticle Fuzzy Peach Smile and The Wizard of the Internet

It was a dry day on the motherboard when Frosty, the malignant wizard of the west coast appeared with Magic: The Gathering cards of wisdom.

He opened his robe methodically revealing full frontal nudity to the Elves. He showed them there is no way other than his own, as he exposed his mechanical penis which unfurled into a tentacle hose and proceeded to fuck the nearest child-elf from where he stood.

Pneumatically, he pumped and surged his pulsating hentai-cock of hate into the elf as he realized its striking resemblance to himself. Actually, it was his daughter.

For Frosty hath fucked more than a handful of elves on a drunken night out, in the days of Elven Wax and cloven hooves which stamped upon the two-sided face of liberty under a downpour of alcohol, bile and piss. Yes, beneath many moons, he did rape religiously.

Tossing his daughter to the ground, Frosty was no longer thirsty for sexual assault.

He then proceeded to peddle worthless Magic cards to the bustling Elf community, among whom he is still revered to this day for his propensity to give away too many free cards, even in spite of his bottomless hunger for rape, which seemed to never end.

“Fwosty,” a small boy tugged at his robe. “Fwosty, won’t you sing fow us?”

Frosty was a magical singer but today he was in no mood. He handed him a Black Lotus without telling him it was fake. The boy was ecstatic and immediately went home to finger his sister in celebratory ecstasy.

Just at that moment, Frosty began to feel disgust with his life of trading card games and unabashed rape. His cock formed into a pistol and reeled out of his tan Big Lebowski robe to jam itself instinctively into his mouth. Being unlike any normal gun, Frosty the Wizard performed autofellatio in the town square for at least 45 minutes, before townsmen arrived, with the jesters and even the Elf King and Queen who all received news of a powerful wizard giving himself a blowjob, sucking what appeared to be a .45 calibur handgun.

He ejaculated a three-round burst of gunfire into his own brainstem and was promptly cleaned up by Waste Management, who exist on the Internet, too.

And the peasants rejoiced.

Army Wives

The man winced as a meaty fist came down again on his lifeless girlfriend.

Four army rangers stood in a circle, preparing to gangfuck her when Frank could stand life no more. He cried out,

“You fucking rotten-ass jarheads! You disgusting pigs! War-mongering shit-for-brains rednecks, I pray to God there’s a hell and you fucking rot there.” Frank’s eyes were hate-tipped daggers.

“Hey, boy.” A fat-necked man with a blond-colored buzzcut turned around. His belt was unbuckled and his puffy cheeks were flushed with alcohol and hormonal rage. His whole body shone with a sweaty glaze under the streetlamp.

“Boy…after we do her, you’re next.”

The sounds of continuous, repetitive smacking syncopated his threat.

Frank stared into the rapist’s cold beady eyes. He spoke again.

“You do me first or I’ll fucking kill you. I’ll kill all of you right here in this parking lot.” Frank screamed hoarsely now through sobs of frustration and pure and total sadness, defeat.

Frank attempted to clamber to his feet but his hips and knees had already been kicked and beaten into uselessness. He collapsed again, knocking his chin on the pavement and cracking some teeth. All he could do is scream. And he did, with blood and bits of teeth dripping and spraying from his beat-up maw. Frank bellowed a throaty, hellish war-cry that could be heard for at least two miles, or three from the direction in which it bounced off the mall walls.

He could not bare witness to the rape of his best friend. It burned like acid on the frontal lobe of his imagination.

He closed his eyes and instead imagined her riding along with him to the grocery store, where they threw cheese at other and made a mess of the place. Then he imagined their hot walks through the Appalachian mountains, and DVDs of cartoons, and cold showers in the summertime. And then — a hot sensation overcame Frank’s entire body as something like pure anti-matter replaced the right side of his face. A crowbar smashed into his jaw, and then into his temple.

Rolling over from the pain, Frank lay on his left side and looked out through the one good eye not swollen and dark, to see the fat buzzcut man standing in his underwear, with the dark cast-iron weapon in hand.

That is when he knew that he recognized the man. Weeks earlier, he’d seen him somewhere. Where was it?

Another blow landed on Frank’s abdomen, making his insides feel like a squishy stress ball coated in pure spongy agony. As the crowbar came down on his guts, he noticed a wedding band on the man’s finger, clenching the tool.

Frank’s girlfriend, he hoped, was dead by this point, so she could suffer no more.

“The coffee shop!” he screamed out. “I know your fat ass from the coffee shop! You were there with your dipshit wife! She’s cheating on you, bro!” Frank laughed out hysterically. “Ha – ha – haaaa!” Frank felt, on some level, that he had won.

“She had a big stupid forehead and was shopping for Us Weekly. Her blond hair looked like shit and even though she’s pregnant you bought her a coffee and cigarettes.”

The fat man stood shocked. Frank went on.

“But that’s not what is so funny! Before you appeared with her, she’d come into the coffee shop with another man, some guy in biker spandex. Ha, she was cheating on you with some shit-for-brains liberal. Ha – ha – haaaa!” Frank laughed again, rolling around in the gravel. Moonlight and street lamps shone into his deep cuts to reveal dirt and rocks wedged into his face and abdomen. He was sure to get an infection from the liquid seeping out of the dumpster where he lay.

“Yeah, looks like she’s been cheating on you for a while, dude, maybe because you’re a meat-headed gung-ho redneck motherfucker. I doubt that’s even your baby. I doubt you can even get it up to rape my girlfriend, or why else would you be standing here watching over me? You impotent fuck. You worthless scum sub-human being motherfucker! Whose war are you fighting here in this alleyway? Will you ever fight your own? Piece of shit. Your wife gave me this look like she wanted my dick, I don’t fuck with bitches who got big foreheads and their hair pulled way back like I’m supposed to use it for a marker board during a presentation. Nah, man. I didn’t fuck your wife. But you go ahead and rape me and my girlfriend. See you in hell, sir.”

Frank lay back and wait, now, for death.

It was quiet. He looked toward his girlfriend’s limp corpse. It lay motionless, bloody and pathetic. He looked back at the fat man, who was gone completely.

Then, sirens.


Washington, D.C.–To the relief of all opposed to America’s involvement in yet another overseas conflict, President Barack Obama made a statement during air strikes on Libya that there will be “no boots on the ground.”

But more than a handful of sources say otherwise, and one of those sources is a Marine Special Operations Regiment soldier who is being sent to fight in the nation of Libya, where an unprecedented revolution is underway.

President Barack Obama and Secretary of Defense Robert Gates lied to you about not putting combat troops into Libya
Just kidding. They're already there.

I spoke to a Marines Special Forces Lieutenant Friday who asked not to be named. He told me that in August, he will be sent to Libya.

“We’re going in, to . . . find something,” he said, shaking his head.

His eyes fell to the floor and bounced up and over my shoulder, and then into his clasped, wringing hands.

“Are you nervous?” I asked.

He stroked his stubble with one hand and with the other reached for a pitcher of beer.

“Yes,” he replied. “Very.”

He said he would soon be commanding troops throughout covert skirmishes and desert-crawling that no one will ever know took place.

The United States has returned Armed Drones to battle following NATO’s inability to stay on certain targets in Libyan air space.

Defense Sec. Robert Gates was asked during a Pentagon briefing, “Are we witnessing mission creep here? Are we going to just keep doing one slice of salami at a time as the U.S. gets further and further reinvolved in this operation?”

Gates replied:

“No, I don’t think so. I think that the president has been firm, for example, on boots on the ground. And there is no wiggle room in that that certainly I’ve been able to detect in his views. This is a very limited capability. He said from the outset that where we had unique assets that could contribute, we would do that. I think this is a very limited additional role on our part, but it does provide some additional capabilities to NATO. So no, I don’t think there’s mission creep at all.”

The young soldier went on: “Now, I told you this only because you said you wouldn’t tell anybody,” he said.

“You won’t say anything, right?” The Lieutenant looked regretful, because he knew I was a reporter. Yet somehow, his eyes told me he wanted the world to know, but for no one to know it was him who leaked the details. He seemed to want justice; justice which might prevent more of his buddies going needlessly into war. He spoke to me, like many others before him, on the condition of anonymity.

“People don’t realize what’s going on,” he explained. “We’re already in there, we’ve been there, we’re going there and we’re probably going to stay there. We rotate out, and right back in, just like anywhere else. But I don’t know what my orders are. They say we’re just going to find out what’s going on, so we know what to do next.”

Chronicle.SU correspondent and Washington Insider, Tyler Bass, had the chance to ask Colin Powell why President Obama said we don’t have boots on the ground, when we already have special forces and CIA in Libya.

Bass reported:

Tyler Bass: “How are you, General? So recently White House Spokesman Jay Carney has repeatedly said there are no boots on the ground in Libya. So has Barack Obama, but we have reports from the New York Times and other outlets saying in fact that there are, as well as CIA, which I guess is ‘shoes on the ground,’ right?

So why is – why is Barack Obama saying this? Why is Carney saying it? Or are they not aware, which I think is really unlikely? Or why are they saying it?”

Colin Powell: “They’re obviously aware of what’s going on, but what they meant by ‘no boots on the ground’ is that we were not – (off mic) –ground war – (off mic) – sending in our combat units – (off mic) – infantry or armor to fight these units on the ground, but to send in intelligence agents and –”

TB: “Or Special Forces.”

CP: “—or Special Forces –”

TB: “OK.”

CP: “—they are not going to be actively involved in fighting either the government or the rebels, but obviously it’s a way of gathering intelligence and helping the rebels fight more effectively. So there may not be boots on the ground – (off mic) – shoes on the ground – (off mic) –

The 24-year-old said he has already fought in Iraq and Afghanistan, but this is the most anxious he has ever been leading up to military action.

Upon return home, he will make many tens of thousands of dollars for about three months of action, half of which will be spent training.

“We’ll train for six weeks,” he said, “Then we go in for six.”

John McCain is currently out on a high-profile rampage through revolting Arab nations, where he has stated the United States should give firepower, weapons training and air strikes to Libyan rebel fighters, calling them patriots who are certainly not connected to Islamic extremism or Al Qaeda.

White House Press Secretary Jay Carney said the administration disagrees.

Carney said, “We think it’s for the people of Libya to decide who the head of their country is, not for the United States to do that.”

Philip Gordon, an American diplomat and high-ranking official in the State Department, said during a Pentagon briefing:

“I think it is important that we all support Mr. Khatib in his efforts, but also that we continue to talk among ourselves — that is to say, members of the broad international coalition that is working on the Libya issue — about what Libya’s political future might be, which, I want to underscore again, is really up to the people of Libya.”

“Oh. And whoever we send there and don’t tell you about,” said Tyler Bass. “I don’t want to sound alarmist or anything here, but they’re conditioning everyone for the ground invasion they say isn’t coming but eventually will.”

In other news, Obama has declared Pvt. Bradley Manning guilty before trial.