Why the internet hates Presstorm.com

A few months ago, Presstorm.com consisted of a group of mostly well-meaning writers commenting on topics that were purportedly too hard-hitting for mainstream media. Some of these writers were serious journalists and some wrote meaningful editorials. Now there is nothing left but the pedantic opining of Jamie Jo Corne, although no one knows what her real name is. Incredibly, Corne has lost nearly 900 followers on Twitter in the past two weeks. She is truly a desperate outcast.

Jamie Jo Corne is an ex-con with a history of personality and mood disorders and also the mother of a very old man’s children. That’s a lot of cannon fodder for the trolls of the internet, but it’s definitely not enough, on its own, to justify the level of hate the internet has for Corne. In all frankness, Corne has the internet’s worst case of Unwarranted Self Importance, a subject the writers at Chronicle.SU hold several doctorates in. We teach a class every other Tuesday at Virginia Western Community College, if you’re interested.

Presstorm.com masquerades as investigative journalism, but it is no more than a soapbox for the rantings of Jamie Jo Corne. In her latest piece about Anonymous, The Passion of Slavery Within Anonymous, Corne extensively quotes the founding fathers, who themselves were slavers. Corne’s thesis that anonymity is the tool of the cowardly social reformer is an old argument that might have pissed off Anonymous at one point in time, but no one cares anymore.

In another story, Jamie Jo Corne chronicles her “investigation” of Anonymous, where she spent ten months on friendly terms with the collective she now hates. Corne claims that in the ten months investigating, the most insightful thing she learned was that “the majority of Anonymous was much like a cult.” Not much of an investigation, and again, this is well-trodden ground. The word cult has a lot of meaningless negative connotations, but yes, we all know Anonymous is like a cult. Any subculture like punks or hippies have these features. Again, the “investigation” yields nothing of value.

In conclusion, unfollow @JamieCorne so I can stop writing about her. Create some Anonymous operation or campaign if you have to. I keep looking for something of value in Jamie Jo Corne, but it’s not there. This shit is a big waste of my time. Each rule 34 makes me die a little more on the inside, because I know she just enjoys the attention.

Tea Party bombs Occupy Maine, threatens to Stab Occupy New Mexico

Sunday morning, jacked up on a fresh dose of religious indoctrination, two men affiliated with the Tea Party attempted acts of violence against the 99%. In Maine, a chemical bomb was detonated in the camper’s kitchen areas. In New Mexico, a man drew a knife and asked the occupants, “Who wants to be first?”

These events follow a fatal spree-killing of Occupy DC protesters earlier this month.

No protesters were hurt in the latest attacks. Analysts have suggested violence against protesters has taken a steep climb, and the protesters may just want to go home now if they value their lives.

Mike Flanagan of the Tea Party said “This nonsense is the devil’s work and we are brave crusaders for American Capitalism and Christ approves. I smile when I hear these stories about the devil’s failure.”

It has come as no surprise that Tea Party members have made attempts at violence against their rivals in the Occupy movement. The Tea Party regularly carries loaded guns to their protests just in case anyone should get a bright idea about health care or abortion, and in case the illegal president might show his ugly half black face.

In conclusion, quit while you’re ahead. You should be afraid, sitting in your tent, because the conservative echo chamber’s been told you are the devil. You might die if you keep protesting, so just go home, okay?

 

What 1984 taught us

Investigative Editorial

Why on earth would they teach that in a public school when so hard the media fought against it? Show us the news in schools from now on. Let’s watch the war live this 2012. It really is the end times.

The Mayans predicted there’d be no one to vote for.

Michelle Obama demonstrates a secret communist socialist gang sign
Michelle Obama demonstrates a secret communist socialist gang sign.

A vote of no confidence on voting. Remember when first ladies did stuff? I mean at least Tipper Gore made us look at awesome EXPLICIT LYRICS labels on our music (so the cool kids know what to buy). Michelle Osama, what’s she done besides smuggle terrorists across the border on Air Force Won? What’s she done besides destroy our economy? What’s she done besides live off welfare? I’m tired of paying her way! I work. I pay my $65 in child support every month. Where are my government handouts?

Sometimes when I play the piano I feel like I’m hearing explicit lyrics. [the following is the sound of Old Brutus playing the piano: BANG YREAH BITCH PING PING PING PING BANG BITCH YEAAAAH]

WHERE WERE YOU!?I SAID I PAY MY CHILD SUPPORT. Where was you, bitch! Where was you! Where was YOUR DAD OBAMA (Kenya) when you needed child support? They don’t like government handouts in the fucking savanna either, do they Black Obama? Why you gotta fuck your own people man? It’s cool for people to shit you out in the desert and you can become president but Mexicans who do it can’t even be citizens? Fucking hypocrite. I say lynch ’em all! God damn it!

WHERE’S DARYN MORAN?

Oh there he is

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Senator Leahy is so fucked

[audio:http://chronicle.su/wp-content/uploads/leahy1.mp3|titles=Love for Leahy]
Leahy, Sinister of the Protect IP Act
Leahy looking old

Knowing the kind of scum he is for sponsoring the Protect IP Act, Senator Gayhy will most probably spin my phone call as a threat and have my INTERNETZ REVOKED

Senator Leahy is so confused by computers, he had to ask his son to explain the family’s brand new abacus.

Senator Leahy is so corrupted by corporate greed Crayola paid him to endorse their newest green crayon.

Senator Leahy is so committed to the destruction of the bill of rights, he has a bell in his office that rings every time Facebook transacts your information with the government. The bell is broken. In place of silence, he hears the faint screaming of souls.

Senator Leahy can only get hard when someone challenges him to abuse women’s rights in new and exciting ways.

john warner has shooting heroin
john warner has graduated to heroin.

I’m telling you man, it’s like this…

The Hard-Hitting debate hit hard. The crowd jeered and erupted into jubilation. It used to be they’d hand out dials to the audience, for them to turn whenever they felt inclined. These reaction dials were not getting the point across, as most viewers did not understand how graphs really worked.

America’s the home team and Obama – he’s the relative of illegal immigrants and of !!!!!!questionable!!!!! birth himself.

By God’s grace we will defeat the Devils at Occupy Wall Street. Don’t dare go down there into their pit of sins, public defecations, fornications, and marxist ideologies. That’s work of the beast and the end times are here. You know who the antichrist is. You know it deep down.

Don’t despair. You can survive god’s wrath by investing in gold. Precious, sweet gold – it’s never been worth nothing!

Have faith. There is still hope. We can prevail. As long as you do you your part to drive Socialism out of our government and help Corporations Succeed, you will be forever rich in christ.

The debate exploded forth. Michele Bachmann made a comment about America’s problem with magnets. Illegal immigrant magnets. This was an attempt at viral marketing. Her PR team knew that magnets are an internet meme among Juggalos.

The Juggalos are not happy about Michele Bachmann trying to force their meme. Also /b/, being composed of 92% juggalos, is also pissed (lmao newfags).

…But where does Anonymous come into this all?

This is the best part…Nowhere! That’s the secret: No one gives a fuck about Anonymous anymore! They’re like the hippies and the punks – past their prime. The next generation of teenagers will have to found a completely new technofetishistic subculture based on even more deeply conflicted nihilism.

You know that they say “We are Legion,” right? That’s the devil. Anonymous openly claims to be the devil. Just another sign of the times. The end-times.

Hey, has someone been saying bad things about you in online reviews? Reputation.com will help you. We’ll spread whatever lies are necessary to every corner of the internet. We’ll spam that motherfucker that ratted on you into oblivion. Times are tough, and you cannot let the internet bring your business down. Reputation.com.

Occupy Roanoke: John Edwards chased away by own sense of shame

With original reporting by Kilgore Trout of the chronicle.su

Some believe Edwards is capable of lying even while not speaking, through photographs.

Roanoke, Va.– Occupy Roanoke turned hilarious Saturday when career politician John Edwards (Criminal) attempted to subdue a crowd of hundreds with the soothing sounds of meaningless rhetoric and campaign promises.

Edwards was promptly chased away by an angry crowd who demanded from him explanations on his dubious voting record of transparency, neoliberalism and human decency. Lacking decency, the North Carolina Senator retreated back into the shadows so everyone could enjoy their day.

Decency is one of many criminal cases brought against the old money presidential candidate, who left his wife on her deathbed for another woman. [Editor’s note: Edwards later told reporters he knew his decision would send a strong message to constituents that he is willing to give “whatever excuse” for anything shitty he may inevitably do.]

The Roanoke occupation continued as planned, Trout said, and will reside under the umbrella of Lebal Drocer, Inc. and her subsidiary, Chronicle.SU “until it gets boring.”

Corporate commenters hassle Occupy Roanoke

On Sunday, over 200 people showed up at a local church to help organize Occupy Roanoke. The occupation, planned for this Saturday, has become a contentious issue in the Roanoke Valley. So much so that a related article published on WDBJ7  received over 40 comments in just a few days. One particular commenter, cxxi121, appears to be serving as a corporate shill, full of right wing talking points.

4chan copypasta? No, this is corporate trolling at its finest.

Cxxi121 has written hundreds of glowing five-star reviews on Amazon.com for everything from shower curtains to children’s markers. While there is no way to confirm that this user is under the pay of big business, these types of comments form a recognizable pattern. Such fake reviews are a well-documented phenomenon. “As online retailers increasingly depend on reviews as a sales tool, an industry of fibbers and promoters has sprung up to buy and sell raves for a pittance,” says the New York Times. And cxxi121, of Roanoke, Virginia appears to be a paid liar for corporate America.

Our corporate commenter waxes nostalgic about super glue. Perhaps he enjoys the scent a little over much?

And why should this person shy away from money for comments of a political nature? With such a long record of apparently paid-for commenting, it is no stretch to imagine that this Roanoker is also being paid to criticize this grassroots political movement. The talking points, such as class warfare (capitalized for emphasis) and anarchy, are obviously pulled straight from right-wing propaganda. In reality, Occupy Roanoke is incredibly far from the image portrayed by cxxi121. The group represents the demographics of the Roanoke Valley almost perfectly, containing a mixture of young, middle aged, and retired persons from all walks of life. Business owners and the unemployed alike will join on Saturday, and the lies of cxxi121 will hopefully have little, if any, impact.