Atheists are the best Christians

Christians, Jews, and Muslims have been completely butthurt about science for thousands of years — ever since they combined history and mythology like some kind of postmodern parody. Atheists, weeping and gnashing their teeth about how irrational this idiocy all is, are perhaps even more butthurt. So-called rational Atheists take the mythology even more literally than many Christians, and in some kind of more-rational-than-thou dissonance, struggle to disprove metaphorical stories as if that will bring sanity to the insane. The true christian, capable of the terrible task of extracting, assimilating, and relating to the archaic lessons out of these ancient traditions, must have a tendency towards atheism beyond that shown by this common type of Atheist.

The common Atheist talks about nature, and their MRI brain scans look just like a devoted Christian walking through the Pearly Gates of the local snake-handler den. It’s so crass to make nature into a transcendent man like God, but that was cutting-edge science thousands of years ago. People saw the stars go through their yearly cycles, recognized the underlying math, and it followed that some man was up there making rules and they should make like him. Now we know a bit more about these rules, and we know the truly pathetic scale of humankind. These rules are far beyond us, and although we’re immanent, we’re probably not created in the image of some megadude with too much time on his hands. Science won’t let us rule this possibility out yet, but it doesn’t seem like the most likely place to start with for creating relevant stories to help us understand this scary place where we don’t actually have a daddy handing us stone tablets with moral codes.

Who gives a shit if Jesus was real, made-up, or raped little boys? He’s only important as some kind of exemplary character in a morality play, and if you have to really believe he was a historic figure then you’ve got weak-ass faith that’s not worth half a shit and will only serve to turn you into some hollowed, hateful rulemonger like Sean Hannity.  The same goes for Atheists who treat science in the same way. Sure, these are real rules of nature that are being revealed and refined, or at least that’s how the scientific method postures, but what kind of a hateful fuck goes around telling people how to behave based on the theory of evolution? “Yeah, we need to weed out those retards, gays, and Jews because we totally know exactly how evolution works,” said the fuck who escalated this debate to Godwin’s Law.

Now that I’ve God-Winned, I can move on to the meat. I ain’t even sayin’ that there’s some magic essence in Christian legends that must be distilled and updated to match science. Even then, common Atheists would scoff at these stories — “As if my life needs guidance from stories, I’ve got science!” Then, they’d settle into the couch and receive hours of “factual” news and “fictional” scifi miniseries only to call it a night after a quick orgasm. The common Atheism I’m describing here isn’t just a disbelief in God, but rather a lameass attitude which rejects all mystery. “We’ve got it figured out, we’re figuring it out, and we will figure it all out.” So, in one sense these kinds of Atheists are the best Christians. If you look at their attitude, it runs a perfect parallel. “My cosmogony is better than yours,” does not translate into more-rational-than-thou. The attitude is precisely the same insanity on masquerade.

Conversely, the good atheists are quite the same as the good christians. They’re atheists now, simply because they accept mystery. The christians are christians now because they explore their inner mysteries through helpful stories, no matter how archaic and outmoded. Again, but in a totally new sense, the atheists are the best christians. The bible is a gateway to mysteries for the atheist christian and not a cheat-sheet full of answers.

“Justice” on Juggalo Island

DETROIT, MICH.–This year at the Gathering of the Juggalos, fans caught a thief and swiftly enacted mob justice, destroying the thief’s car, not knowing that it was stolen. In the following video, a Jeep Grand Cherokee driven by a man in full dark carnival style makeup flips his truck over the wreck, heaped up strategically by the “family” to chants of “holy shit.”

The angry mob, unsatisfied with even this triumphant scene, loaded the car onto a UHAUL trailer and paraded it around the festival. As the car and trailer scraped across the pavement doing thousands in damage to the park property and the trailer, cries of “Family,” “Fuck the Thief,” and “Occupy Car Wreck” spread to every corner of the festival, making all would-be thieves aware of Juggalo Law.

This video shows the car on parade before it is displayed at the main stage. POD plays hard metal.

The acronym ‘mmfwcl’ stands for much motherfucking wicked clown love.

Rash of ankle injuries from new “Tricking” craze

Martial Arts Tricking Battle @ White Lotus Closing Gathering – March 24, 2012

LOS ANGELES–St. Vincent Medical Center was overwhelmed with ankle injuries from so-called “Trickers,” following a Tricking competition Thursday.

Tricking is a new multi-disciplinary martial art form drawing heavily from Capoeira and Gymnastics which has recently become wildly popular in the Los Angeles area. The spate of injuries has raised questions among legislators who think this dangerous sport could be made safe with more regulations.

“I couldn’t think of a more dangerous sport. Here in LA alone, we’ve had several kids paralyzed and hundreds of broken and sprained ankles all related to tricking,” said LA County Chief Health Commissioner Dan Gordon. “We need regulations for this kind of activity and now. I’m getting calls from concerned parents every day. It has reached epidemic level.”

Trickers are highly unorthodox martial artists because their approach is anti-pragmatic. Emulating so-called “wire fu” tricks from movies is the ultimate goal, and unlike gymnastics or other martial arts there is little or no value placed on control of the body. Any landing is a good landing, as long as the Tricker maximizes the number of spins, kicks, punches, and flips incorporated into each trick.

At least a dozen Trickers have been hospitalized in savage beatings this year, as other martial artists in the LA area challenge their right to teach such a “laughable” martial art. “Tricking is not a martial arts. Tricking is not even gymnastics. It is a form of dancing,” said an enraged Kung Fu master under the condition of anonymity. “We can’t have them teaching this kind of fighting to young men who think they are learning how to defend themselves. That’s why we had to run them out of town. It is an ancient tradition of Kung Fu, and they must be able to defend their style of fighting.”

Karl Rove Commits Suicide at 61

DALLAS–Wednesday, Former White House Deputy Chief of Staff Karl Rove was found dead in his home. The Dallas Police Department reported acute asphyxiation as the cause of death but do not suspect foul play. Known to George W. Bush as the “Architect,” Rove was Senior Advisor to the Bush Administration. He was 61 years old.

Rove’s social media team and Chronicle.SU, both subsidiaries of Lebal Drocer, worked together to announce Rove’s untimely and tragic death.

Rove is known for inventing the newest enhancement to democracy, micro-targeting. Squads of specially trained arguers use cold reading techniques taken from phone psychics and latch on to the issues that the person cares about most. After locating the wedge-issue, they launch into one of several dozen specially-designed speeches said to convert nine out of ten voters to the Republican Party.

Former Governor Mitt Romney’s campaign spent nearly three hundred billion dollars on a micro-targeting campaign directed by Rove. Speaking angrily of Rove, Romney barked at the reporter from the Internet Chronicle, “The president’s campaign, if you will, focused on giving targeted groups a big gift. [Rove] made a big effort on small things.”

Rove’s legacy as a political consultant, the truest kind of free-market democrat, will live on through his latest book “Courage and Consequence: My Life as a Conservative in the Fight,” which is available now at a discounted rate from Lebal Drocer, Inc.



MetaTorrents and Seedbanks

Why no MetaTorrents?

BitTorrent is a protocol which allows for the efficient, decentralized sharing of huge amounts of information among large groups of small, personal computers. Originally, torrents required a centralized “tracker” to organize specific information dispersal, but that function has been successfully decentralized with the creation of Decentralized Hash Tables.

Why are .torrent files, the references and keys to the BitTorrent parties, distributed with centralized sources like the Pirate Bay? How hard would it be to contain many millions of living .torrent files within a completely decentralized MetaTorrent? Essentially, all you’d need is a very robust client that could sift through many millions of .torrent files referenced from a single .torrent, a MetaTorrent. This means adding a simple filing system and search to the innards of the client, like the one provided externally by Pirate Bay. One magnet link to a MetaTorrent, and the whole project is forever cut loose from big, vulnerable, centralized servers and domains.


Seedbanks are crucial because without them MetaTorrents would be populated with dead .torrents, much like the centralized .torrent sources are now. A Seedbank is just a very robust kind of BitTorrent node with many Terabytes of data to draw from. Whereas the Pirate Bay hosts only references and keys to the torrent party, the .torrents, the Seedbank is all of that as well as a source for the data itself. Instead of torrenting information piecemeal, one might copy an entire Seedbank, a process that would pay off not only with further decentralization, but also with greatly liquefied access to libraries of data.


has the nightmare paranoia done set in? am i gone mad. i feel like I’m just seconds away from a tidal storm that’s about to destroy the very fabric of my existence. I am the hyperglade, and I spin the universe.


I’m Barrett Brown.


User Interface

Figure 1–All user interface qualities are quantified in this graph arbitrarily. The curve represents immanence rather than limits.

User Interface, or any mediation between a human and a computer, may show an inverse relation between intuitive and flexible qualities. In computer jargon, ‘intuitive’ describes the quality of common accessibility. The ‘flexible’ quality here represents explicitness. The most explicit computer language provides the human with fundamental access to the workings of the machine. In the realm of mechanical logic gates, precise statements translate into coercive power over the machine and by extension power over the Machine. The great collective of interconnected small ‘m’ machines form the meta-machine, the big ‘M’ Machine. The Machine is the mechanized aspect of Inglip.

Cory Doctorow has spoken of the “Death of Generalized Computing,” correctly predicting the hegemony’s strong preference for intuitive interface. For those who don’t know, ‘hegemony’ is just a word that means “almost everyone, but more specifically the people who know how to give almost everyone exactly what they want.” Maximally intuitive interface is just good business practice, and I can’t think of a much more banal observation.

Assembly language is a poor mediator because it is the machine’s operant language. Vast but microscopic arrays of logic gates operate on superficially incomprehensible ones and zeros signifying electrical pulses. Higher languages, like C++, mediate this mess with recognizable signifiers which may represent many hundreds or thousands of Assembly commands. These languages are often a bizarro over-punctuated combination of math and English, where the English expressions are more precise than the math.

William Gibson envisioned a level of flexibility beyond Assembly wherein crackers broke into computers “directly” with their brain, visualizing the interaction with amorphous three dimensional geometric objects–‘ICE’. The fictional brain-to-computer interface, the cyberspace ‘deck’, operated on a level so fundamental that encounters with ICE were potentially fatal. Such spatial representations are, paradoxically, a kind of superlative intuitive interface.

Exploits, or cracks, take advantage of weaknesses inherent in these more intuitive but less specific languages. The flexibility of the more fundamental language can subvert, corrupt, and reroute less explicit language.

Writing a real-life exploit is a subversive speech act in Assembly and might be badly characterized as a high-level war fought with spatial abstractions like ICE.*  Rather, a crack is a single precise act of deconstruction, derailing the target computer’s process and inserting substitute code. A fundamental error is found in the more general language by scrutinizing it with more specific language. Abusing this kind of error, or ‘hole’, allows new instructions to be substituted. The cracker gains control of the system.

An advanced intuitive interface may very well be represented with some geometric Minecraft-like ICE, but that must be built on top of fundamental Assembly language. This is the true crux of the TransHumanist’s interface dilemma. With more impressive and intuitive interface comes less flexibility for the user. The users become more alienated from the very specific underlying language making up cyberspace in this TransHuman imagining. Those fluent in machine language are the true Hegemonic TransHumans, bonded to the computers as intimately as if the computers were external organs. For them, the computer acts as an extension of pure will. The smartphone addict appears to share this same kind of organic bond with technology, and it is not completely superficial. In the smartphone, though, the artificial organ is completely trapped by hegemony and more of the Machine than of the subject.

*Exploits may be arrived at and implemented algorithmically, so it is wrong to say that more intuitive computer interfaces are  not used to detect and exploit security holes. However, this kind of alogirthm is written only with a complete working knowledge of explicit machine code and cannot exist solely within the confines of the intuitive language it must short-circuit.