ROANOKE, VA–Patrick “Trick” Shouse, the newest tattoo artist in Roanoke, is hosting a “Tattoo Marathon” at Ruxton Condos on Colonial Avenue this weekend in order to build up his portfolio and spread both AIDS and Hepatitis to as many local residents as possible. The event is advertised as tax and license free, which is . . .
WASHINGTON — Wednesday, secret documents unearthed from Andrew Breitbart’s trove of files on President Barack Hussein Obama detailed a long-term homosexual relationship between the president and one of his barely legal congressional pages.
Among the meticulously vetted documents, the president was caught writing, “I’m so sick of having sex with Michelle, and I’ve . . .
You’re starving, alone, and scandalously dressed like a Communist superhero, but do you eat off the tree of hegemony and find yourself trapped by its tendril-branches?
Familiarity is a result of sedimented experience which, when functioning properly, allows us to move through life almost without conscious thought. It’s easy to pay complete attention to . . .
Bank of America is Anonymous
INTERNET — Early Monday morning, the loosely knit collective of teenagers known as Anonymous was able to string together enough sentences to “kinda” make a press release for one of their greatest achievements since not hacking Stratfor: Releasing the data of Bank of America defense contractor, . . .
Quvenzhané Wallis is a cunt.
INTERNET–Sunday, internet tabloid and subpar hoax-generating hate machine The Onion called 9 year old actress Quvenzhané Wallis a cunt in a tweet which was quickly deleted out of shame. Internet commentators did not mince their words over this controversial tweet, calling writers at The Onion ‘jackasses’, ‘morons’, ‘retards’, ‘niggers,’ . . .
KIM JONG UN’S REPTILIAN FOREHEAD DIMPLE INDICATES THIRD EYE ILLUMINATI CONNECTION CONFIRMED
PYONGYANG–New evidence links Kim Jong-Un with a cell of Anonymous North Korean hackers, reports The Hacker News. Kim Jong-Un was reportedly “d0xed” as a part of an effort to shut this cell down by social engineers who reportedly tricked Un into . . .
Kim Jong-Un has been declared first Imperator of the UN
NEW YORK — Tuesday morning, U.N. members unanimously voted to surrender to the glorious might of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea. South Korean capitalist pigs have transferred all sovereign power to the rightful and glorious ruler, Kim Jong-un. Jong-un was also named “Imperator” . . .
Anti-Defamation League National Director Abraham Foxman urged a More Civil Tone Friday with Certain Mideast Policy Proponents.
NEW YORK — Policymakers and the media are urged to refrain from articulating “Jwsh lbby” aloud, or with vowels.
Citing conspiracy theorists’ proclivity for deranged fantasies about a “Zionist Occupation Government,” Anti-Defamation League National Director Abraham . . .
Did Barrett Brown’s sexpot ex-girlfriend spy on him for defense contractors? Barrett Brown’s most dedicated groupies say “Yes!”
INTERNET — Former Barrett Brown groupies have turned on Brown’s sexpot ex-girlfriend, accusing her of collaborating in a plot by defense contractors to spy on Brown. @elviraxmontana, as Brown’s ex-girlfriend is known . . .
Russian authorities are calling it a “meteorite” dismissing eyewitness reports that described seeing a large fighter plane crash in the sky. . . .