Vice magazine sends reporters to witness ISIS beheading video

#OpISIS targets the women and children of ISIS
#OpISIS targets the women and children of ISIS

RAQQA, SYRIA — Vice News traveled to Raqqa, the ISIL stronghold where fighters for the Islamic State are under heavy fire not only from the Jordanian air force, but from hackers at Anonymous. Tarik Shabab, lieutenant commander of an elite video crew that staged several of the most viral beheading videos, says he is the target of a coordinated harassment campaign from Anonymous. We met him in the audio visual barracks buried in the heart of a secret reinforced concrete bunker on the outskirts of Raqqa.

Tarik Shabab barked at his white, middle class American helpers in English as we entered his chamber from the dusty tunnel. “No, there is still blood on the green screen for Christ’s sake. We have another beheading to do.” Tarik, as we came to know him, claimed he shot hundreds of beheading videos, although only two or three were, in his words, “Some real barnburners, the very lifeblood of the Jihad.”

In 2014, Tarik’s best work went viral when ISIS beheaded an American hero, inflaming a new round of American patriotism. That patriotism, as we came to find out, inspired an Anonymous operation known as #OpISIS.

#OpISIS issued a warning to the terrorists, saying, “ISIS, we will hunt you, take down your sites, accounts, emails and expose you… You will be treated like a virus, and we are the cure. We own the internet.”

Anonymous is a hacker collective that came to prominence in 2011 after satirist Barrett Brown led the group to initiate operation Arab Spring, triggering the fall of Tunisia. For several years now, Anonymous has been a source of instability in the region, generating massive symbiotic profits for US defense contractors and ISIL warlords.

Brown, a strict atheist, still leads the collective from his mobile prison cell in Texas, releasing tasks and commands for his Anonymous sub-group, Project PM, through hidden messages buried in weekly editorials published at the Daily Beast, Internet Chronicle, and DMagazine. Because of Brown’s previous manipulations in the middle east, as well as his distaste for the Islamic faith, Anonymous expert Biella Coleman speculated that the abuse campaign directed at ISIL was carried out at Brown’s direct command.

Brown has made himself a thorn in the Islamic State’s side, but the human toll has gone unreported. Tarik explained his creative process as “exhausting, thankless work,” and complained that Barrett Brown’s hacker crusade has made it nearly impossible for women and children at his studio to continue their work.

“It takes about a hundred shoots before you just nail it and get the right mix of gore, terror, and spectacle,” he said. “Our subjects often will flinch or make stupid faces to screw up the scene, and oftentimes artful editing is necessary to keep the right tone. We use the green screen and big studio lights so that we can film any time we want as if it were a sunny day in the desert. That’s essential to inspire optimal fear. We’ve moved the studio four times in the last few months and narrowly missed a few commando raids, so we are always working in a rush because every shoot could be the last.”

Recently, Tarik’s work has slowed to a crawl due to sustained harassment from Anonymous and #OpISIS.

“Allah help me, but #OpISIS is ruining my life. They’re constantly on my twitter mentions, threatening my life. Every day I have to deal with the threat of death from commandos in reality, but I expected things to be more civil on the internet. More controlled. But twitter won’t block the racists for me, and it takes so much effort to keep up with our fans while blocking out the trolls.”

Over tea, Tarik offered Vice News an opportunity to witness the creation of a viral terror video from start to finish. He took us down into a cold, dark dungeon where torturers were prepping prisoners for beheading. In one small, well-lit corner of the dungeon an Indonesian woman applied makeup to one rigid, fully-prepped prisoner.

“You wouldn’t believe the sexist things the trolls send to Mae Lee’s facebook page,” Tarik explained, gesturing at the makeup artist, “She is a strong woman though, and it all seems to roll right off her back. But she’s lost her business because of it, and now no one will hire her to do makeup for their sex slaves because they think she is a slut. It is simply barbaric what they’ve done to her.”

Tarik pointed at the prisoner, “Now, notice how his jaw is locked in place. That is what our torturers look for before moving the infidel to makeup. In this state he is not likely to resist or make funny faces. Brutality and terror of the beheading is not enough. The infidel must be more beautiful to give contrast to the terror of our warriors. His chiseled features and striking eyes must say, ‘Help me, I’m too precious to Die!’ and Mae Lee is the best in the business. The very best.”

Tarik guided us up a narrow flight of stairs into a tunnel where his crew and a garrison of fighters slept. In a far corner, there was a ragged niche in the concrete where weapons, torture implements, and various beheading tools were kept. A small Nigerian boy sat at a grinding wheel, sharpening a tremendous scimitar.

“This is Mombata,” Tarik said. “He keeps our weapons in top shape. Show them what you do, Mombata.”

Grinning, Mombata set the scimitar aside and wielded an AK-47, rapidly cycling the chamber while Tarik clapped. “Very good! See? He is just a small boy but he fixed that gun and look how it works now. Mombata is vital to our operation. The worst thing that can happen in a beheading is when we don’t cut clean through the head in one go, and for that the blade must be sharpened before each beheading. Mombata takes care of that.”

Tarik shed a tear and gripped Mombata’s shoulder. “Unfortunately, Anonymous hackers called Mombata autistic the other day and he’s been terribly butthurt. Such a small child, targeted by mean people on the internet. He is not the most social boy, but he is very good with his hands. Plus, he’s never been vaccinated so there’s not even a chance he’s autistic. But this is the kind of trolling we deal with every day.”

By the time we returned to Tarik’s studio, the prisoner was tied in place before the green screen on a foam sacrifice rock and ready for his beheading. The grim beheaders wrapped themselves in black linen costumes for the shoot, and one checked his iPhone. His body seemed to lose all strength and crumble as he fell to his knees.

“Why!?” He screamed, “WHY!?? They hacked my gmail and I’ve lost all my accounts. Everything is gone. My life is over. Over.” The beheader threw his black wrappings to the ground and fled the room, sobbing.

Tarik turned red and began to shout. “I can do nothing! Nothing! They target me, my actors, my editors. Allah Damn Anonymous! Every time we are ready it goes wrong because of those hacker meddlers. This infidel will probably wake from his catatonic state any minute, before I can calm my beheader.”

Tarik turned to us, his eyes wide, and he pointed to Vice reporter Andrew Blake, “You! You must fill in. Do it now or Mombata shoots you.” Standing behind Tarik, the Nigerian boy squinted down the barrel of the AK-47 just as if he were a veteran child-soldier fresh out of Kony’s army.

Blake picked up the wrappings and donned the black cloth, ready to execute the infidel.

Coaching Andrew’s posture aggressively, Tarik barked directions as the camera crew began recording. The beheading unfolded smoothly over the next five minutes and the cameramen caught it all in stunning high def. Although Andrew didn’t swing the scimitar, when he uncovered his face he looked dry and pale as if his soul had left his body. Mombata escorted Vice out of the bunker, and we left Raqqa traumatized, although we didn’t know whether to blame Anonymous or ISIL for the terror we just witnessed.

BREAKING: BILL COSBY COMMITS SUICIDE AT 77

Bill Cosby
Bill Cosby
Several women had come forward with allegations against Bill Cosby of gross sexual misconduct.

BILL COSBY — Pain and anguish struck the hearts of millions of fans, Sunday, after news broke of comedian Bill Cosby’s suicide at the age of 77. A rash of sex assault allegations plagued America’s favorite Black comedian earlier this week, and experts from the Hollywood Psychological Network say the 80s sitcom star’s suicide confirms his guilt.

 “It really is tragic, because Bill Cosby was such a well-liked figure in the entertainment industry,” said Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour, resident expert of the HPN. “It is a shame the way Mr. Cosby’s reputation has been ravaged by sexual misconduct.”
Some fans don’t agree at all with Dr. Troubador, and want to remember Cosby just for his entertainment without judging his personal life. Serena Plowman said, “We should remember him for the laughs he brought to us, not for the unproven allegations of embittered ex-girlfriends.”
Users of the Red Pill subreddit also defended the icon on his memorial page Sunday, some claiming they identified with his unfortunate image in the press. “Red Pillers” are so-called men’s rights activists known for their ability to filter reality through a profoundly misogynistic interpretive lens.
“I’ve spun a few plates in my day,” wrote Sean Brown, 27, from Los Angeles. “Hate the sport, not the player. I know for a fact that anything can be turned into an allegation of rape by the Feminist bluepillers in control of the media. They just want to take every man down a notch, silence all of us. Bill Cosby did nothing wrong.”
A candlelight vigil for the fallen star is being held in front of Cosby’s $400 million estate Monday night. His family has requested the media respect their privacy while they grieve and distribute inheritance.
The method of suicide is not yet known. The actor did not leave a note.

Lebal Drocer Denies Wrongdoing in Latest Scandal

The Chronicle.su will never die
The Chronicle.su will never die

SLAVEYARD — Lebal Drocer, indicted for what one Judge called, “laying down with the dogs and getting the fleas,” fired back at Europol after they seized Lebal Drocer Publishing’s heavily-guarded mainframe installation in Belgium, or possibly Germany.

Lebal Drocer’s Chief Marketing Officer Barry B. Poundheaven told reporters, “This was an unadorned form of harassment directed at the people’s final source for truth, knocking the Internet Chronicle offline for mere moments but taking a profound strike at liberty over all of spacetime.”

Laughing, Poundheaven dismissed the seriousness of the situation, saying, “Yes, we were in the wrong place at the wrong time during the world’s biggest police operation, but it was no more serious than the usual constant attacks we receive from hateful, patriotic or anarchocapitalist hackers. Only a fool would be surprised that the Marxist Eurofeds would take this opportunity to hassle the world’s most glorious corporation.”

Chronicle.su officers were nowhere to be found during the site seizure, but hatesec approached kilgoar on several occasions asking him to setup PGP encryption so the underground editors could communicate freely.

“He emailed me twice,” kilgoar said, “but I was busy with a lot of stuff and with all the media requests we receive at chronicle.su, it can be hard to tell the difference between a real OP and a psy-OP.”

Kilgoar said it was at that time the Lebal Drocer, Inc. CEO wrote him, again, requesting the two communicate securely.

“He said he was Anonymous,” kilgoar explained. “He said he was legion.”

Hatesec, a known corporate apologist, told kilgoar that Lebal Drocer was not to blame for the Chronicle outage.

“He said Lebal Drocer is invincible,” kilgoar said. “He threatened to dox me if I said anything otherwise.”

The Internet Chronicle will never die.

Fracking to blame for recent volcanic activity, says Snowden

Snowden came forward with documents which showed a military fracking program is attempting to relieve the Yellowstone supervolcano at the expense of volcanic eruptions in other part of the globe.
Snowden came forward with documents which showed a military fracking program is attempting to relieve the Yellowstone supervolcano at the expense of volcanic eruptions in other part of the globe.

NORTH DAKOTA — NSA leaker and hacker Edward Snowden came forward with new documents outlining a military fracking program designed to disrupt the Earth’s crust in order to relieve an impending eruption at Yellowstone National Park, home to the world’s largest supervolcano.

“These documents show that the military has been tampering with the crust in a way the government believes would lead to more volcanic eruptions in other parts of the globe,” Snowden told reporters.

Glenn Greenwald, Snowden-leak spokesman, told Twitter followers the eruptions are a tactic used by the government in an NSA-facilitated assassination plot.

“I’ve felt small earthquakes under my feet, targeting me out for weeks now. So has Snowden, Jeremy Scahill, and Laura Poitras.”

“This supervolcano, if it blew, could destroy the entire continental united states, sinking them beneath the sea like the lost city of Atlantis. We may relieve pressure on Yellowstone and cause other volcanoes to erupt, as we’ve seen in the past week,” said military geologist Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador.

Clear evidence to support Troubadour’s claims were witnessed by millions in violent eruptions at both Ecuador’s Tungurahua Volcano and Mount Sinabung in Indonesia this weekend.

CIA Director David Patreus said fracking keeps America out of harm’s way.

“Strategic fracking disrupts the local ecologies of neighboring third-world countries. What’s called ‘ecological terror-fracking’ is turning out to be an indespensible tool of Al-Qaida terrorists. We’re just doing it better and more efficiently.”

“The reason we want to police fracking anywhere else in the world, even as we practice it ourselves,” Patreus added,”Well, it’s a national security concern.”

By preserving Yellowstone National Park, Patreus said America can hold off selling the preserve to Nabisco for “at least another seven or eight years.”

One Direction performed a relief concert for the victims of Edward Snowden outside Taminy Hall, in a show of solidarity with the brave men and women behind worldwide US fracking.

Other anti-Snowden protests are scheduled to occur in major cities around the world Saturday, including NYC, Kiev and Moscow.

Dox Fly in Wicked Clown Hacker Battle

Dox fly as Wicked Clown Hackers caught in shocking feud!
Dox fly as Wicked Clown Hackers caught in shocking feud!

INTERNET — Dox flew, Monday evening, as Wicked Clown hacker ShadowDXS found himself in an Internet feud against fellow Juggalo hacker “th3j35t3r.” ShadowDXS, known for elite smartphone interfaces, lambasted self-proclaimed patriot th3j35t3r (hacker speak for “The Jester”).

The Jester’s laptop — emblazoned with the ‘hatchet man’ logo of Insane Clown Posse — is on display at the the Spy Museum in Washington D.C. The Jester used this laptop to shut down terrorist web sites, saving countless American lives.

Many outside of the Juggalo family stigmatize and devalue the Faygo-drinking subculture – including the FBI – who recently declared Juggalos a “gang.” However, expert and cultural anthropolgist Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador, who has lived with Juggalos for years, studying their habits and mimicking their behaviors, dismissed the “dumb juggalo” stereotype. “I’ve met Juggalos who are doctors, businessmen, CEO’s of major corporations,” Troubadour explained. “Met a rocket scientist at the gathering last year! Woop Woop! So it doesn’t surprise me at all that Juggalos are some of the world’s most elite and skilled hackers.”

What both parties refuse to acknowledge, however, is that none of this shit matters.

Hacker feuds such as the one between ShadowDXS and The Jester often lead to the posting of supposed “dox” or information on the hidden secret identity of the hacker. Monday evening’s feud is no different. The Jester publicly announced the new home address and significant other to ShadowDXS, at which point Shadow alluded to the supposed weaknesses of Jester’s SSH keys.

According to Erica Moorehead, chief editor of Juggalette (a juggalo magazine for women), it is fabled that “Anonymous” got the idea to cover their faces with masks from the Insane Clown Posse.

“Both groups maintain anti-establishment personas while advancing pro-Christian agendas,” Moorehead said. “Both groups carry the burden of many public failures, yet they are adored by the masses. Many juggalos say they feel persecuted. Most hackers agree there is a system of persecution in place, designed to destroy them from the inside out. In short, there is a lot of intersectionality between Anonymous and Juggalo culture.”

Moorehead added, “Many hackers fail to respect basic tenets of life in a society – discounting the virtues of interpersonal interaction, common decency and even bathing. It is the system holding them back,” she said, “because they don’t respect the system, and it seems some of them can find that anchor in The Family.”

Saint Malachy predicted the Communism of Pope Francis and Miley's Virulent Satanic Twerking

VATICAN — Minister of hate Pope Benedict 111th ruled out the possibility of life after his reign, as prophecied by Malachy the dissident Catholic, whose insidious doctrine turned more than 800 million people against their faith, and toward Communism. Eastern Mythologist Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour attributes the collapse of known civilization to Malachy’s Prophecy, a contrived series of events so true, you won’t believe what Pope Francis – or Peter – does next.

Dr. Troubadour explains

From the Depths of Hippie Hell sprang forth Pope Francis, “whose daily headline-grabbing antics leave in their wake an insatiable hole for festering human torment. Behind [Francis] lay victims – victims of his insanity and loss of innocence, victims of desire, victims of ruthless geopolitical gain… Victims, as Malachy puts, of ourselves.” Pope Peter will feed all of his flock and he will be the last Pope as the world burns from the resulting global warming.Global warming, created primarily by the insidious competing ideologies of Communism and Capitalism undercut the church just as Malachy predicted.

Watch closely, she’s doing the tongue thing, a seductive, Satanic, and demonic trick of the Devil’s that has been used by Miley Cyrus. This happens when young women are possessed. Now little children, 8 years old and 12 years old, are getting involved with twerking, which is a form of pagan worship. Her hair was done up in devil horns at her MTV video awards performance. Hidden in plain sight, these tongues are an invocation to Kali, the false Hindu idol. Miley’s body has been violated with pagan tattoos such as the “om” symbol from Eastern religions and the “evil eye” from Islam.

Local friends enjoy 'talking about war' forever

Americans gathered around their televisions Friday, satisfied, because even between commercial breaks, some say they are continuously entertained “by the war.”

American Emily Jessup, 23, said a broken nation of war can be a good thing. It can even be fun, she said.

“We can finally reap the spoils of war – even a losing one!” Jessup said. Jessup and four friends discussed the war Wednesday after a long and painful evening of ‘hanging out.’

“Aw, we was just hanging out,” Jessup explained. “Hanging out’s just a good old however-long session of silently staring into smart phones, watching the reality TV show Catfish on Netflix.

I looked around the room into my friends’ dead eyes, and that’s when I knew it was time to talk about the war.Lebal Drocer Seal

Gerald Samberg, former reality television enthusiast, first had the idea to discuss war during what was undoubtedly an agonizing reappraisal of his own sexual market value.

Samberg said, “I looked around the room into my friends’ dead eyes, and that’s when I knew it was time to talk about the war.”

America – the war about nothing

Social media critic and behaviorist Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador hailed the war as “the perfect topic for discussion, anytime.” He added, “Even if you don’t know what to talk about, you can always just talk about the war. May the loudest opinion win!”

“The war has given us so much… to talk about,” Samberg said. “I’m shocked I even used to watch that old reality television. It just bores me now, and I can’t think about anything but this new ‘reality TV’ called war.”

Jeremy Thornton, another friend in Samberg’s group set, said he is good with activities that don’t require human interaction. Thornton said he enjoys masturbation and videogames, but when it comes to “smalltalk,” he just can’t cope.

“I can look at Redtube.com for six hours straight,” Jeremy said, “but you put me around people and my mouth gets all whiskey-dick. I just can’t talk to people. It’s awful. But then I remember we’re a nation at war, and I’m happy again.”

Billy Bell “Ray” Thornton, Jeremy’s younger brother and emotional punching bag, added, “Our Grandpa died in the war, shot down by the slopes – Pacific Theater. I never really understood it, but now I’m getting it. Grandpa didn’t die in vain. I like to think Grandpa died for a cause, afterall. Grandpa died so we’d have something to talk about, didn’t he?”

Later, Billy Bell Ray said the war helps him feel better about himself. Other members of their friend group agreed that the war makes them feel better about themselves in general, and that they were willing to talk about it made them deeper, more thoughtful and intelligent people.

And it does.

The War™ is brought to you gloriously by Lebal Drocer, Inc.
We own everything that matters.