“Because I had to”
DENVER, COLO. — Americans were excited today about reports deep within the bowels of the Romney campaign that the former Massachusetts governor is ready to go after President Obama’s use of marawana and cocaine as a teenager.
“I mean, this is a guy who admitted to cocaine use,” says a Romney adviser to Buzzfeed, “had a sweetheart deal with his house in Chicago, and was associated and worked with Rod Blagojevich to get Valerie Jarrett appointed to the Senate,” adding, “The bottom line is there’ll be counterattacks.”
President Obama has made a point of discussing his own history of using cocaine, which he refers to by its crass street name of “blow;” as well as his inhaling the vapours of the ever-popular devil weed itself. His popular autobiography, “The Audacity of Hope,” whose sales are his primary source of income — second only to “cash money” reportedly obtained selling automatic firearms to Mexican drug cartels — is a book basically about how the 44th president of the United States loved using drugs. President Obama has met desperate, repeated online pleas he legalize recreational cannabis use with guffaws and denials that he would act to liberate from a kyriarchy the American people, now arbitrarily incarcerated at rates unrivaled in the developed world.
Despite many reports, including out of Forbes magazine, that Portugal’s drug legalization policy has decimated that country’s drug abuse, Gil Kerlikowski, head of the Office of National Drug Control Policy, has stated that legalization does not combat the ills of illicit drug use. And last month, before Congress, the head of the Drug Enforcement Agency, Michele Leonhart, reiterated her administration’s commitment to utter hysteria and lack of focus on a public health crisis.
Before finally admitting, after much pressure, that heroin was more addictive than cannabis, Ms. Leonhart first characterized the matter of whether heroin is worse for an individual’s health than cannabis as “subjective.” This admission followed deliberately dishonest exchanges with Democratic Representative Jared Polis of Colorado:
The administration’s enforcement strategies square well with the Romney campaign’s assessment of the president pro-drug attitudes, the unmistakable products of hedonistic, if-it-feels-good-do-it ’60s culture. Meanwhile the deputy director of NORML, a shady druggie front group, longs for the good old days under President George Bush when Californian sludge distributors operating under the guise of “medical clinics” “helping people in pain” could operate with relative impunity, writing this week, “Many of California’s most prominent and well-respected medical cannabis dispensaries and related facilities — including Oaksterdam University, Berkeley Patients Group, and Harborside Health Center (HHC) — flourished under the George W. Bush administration. But they’ll be lucky to survive President Barack Obama’s first term.”
Medical health professionals consulted off-the-record by The Internet Chronicle speculate that President Obama’s laser obsession with his administration’s present drug enforcement strategies is likely the result of the delusion and vigor associated, they say, “unmistakably” with cocaine psychosis.
After bragging to high school students in December of 2007 about how cool drugs are, then Senator Obama became the focus of the popular prohibitionist scrutiny. Obama’s candor with students came on the heels of the leak of an audiotape of President George W. Bush citing a responsibility to America’s youth to prevaricate about his own drug use — not to protect his own career, of course, but to shield them from the enormous influence the president of the United States has had on American teenagers since the Founding Fathers.
Years ago the Romney campaign pounced on the opportunity to praise President Bush’s bold, private confession to smoking weed. Mr. Romney said then, “He said when he was young and irresponsible, he was young and irresponsible, and he left it at that. And I think that in order to leave the best possible example for our kids, we’re probably wisest not to talk about our own indiscretions in great detail.”
Mr. Romney’s strategy is “simple yet elegant,” says Political Science Professor Alan Abramowitz of Emory University, adding, “It allows the candidate to bask in the veneer of family values while remaining duplicitous about that bottle of Coca-Cola he is rumored to have enjoyed, covertly, while on missionary work in France on behalf of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.”
You may feel compelled to look away during certain moments, but for the Glory of God do not avert your eyes!
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Take the power back.
“I want this to be on youTube if I’m getting hurt”
I watched Cars 2 tonight. It was better than the first one, which contained faggoty overtones of Podunk nostalgia.
Cars 2 was less celebratory of self-imposed limitations and even called out Mater & his voice actor Larry the Cable Guy’s act of ignorance by pointing out how the audience is too busy laughing at his act to realize he’s not really a good ol’ boy like them is. In Mater’s case, his character really was that dumb. But in “Larry’s” case, he’s not.
What I liked about Cars 2 was all the stereotypes. They had Asians, Mexicans, Italians – Russians named Ivan – all down pat. They even added a “black” car – an old hooptie that sounded like a doped-up Wanda Sykes or something. It was my pleasure to watch this movie in the white-bred Appalachian community of Waynesville, North Carolina (right outside of Clyde, near Canton, for those of you who need a point of reference) and they loved that sista-car. She was funny, for a nigger.
Cars 2 is NOT for children. That is, unless you like exposing your children to banality and mediocrity while rednecks clap for the theater screen. “That was too much!” As Mater boosts around London with rocket boosters.
Now that I think more about Mater, maybe Cars 2 was a celebration of good-natured ignorance after all. He was instructed not to change even if he is seen as an embarrassment to the entire world: all but the Car Citizens of defunct Radiator Springs located along an obsolete desert stretch of Route 66.
Mater won the hottest bitchin’-ass car featured in the entire movie – a British spy technician luxury sports car with medium-sized car tits and a sultry voice actress who is assertive and qualified, but not quite as domineering as the weakest male character in the film.
Despite all the gender and racial stereotyping, and in spite of the product placement and references to TV commercials, I could still relate to the storytelling found in Cars 2, until I realized one thing: I could not connect, emotionally, to the characters or the plot-line. That’s because there are no fucking people.
Who drives the cars? Why do they construct buildings? Are there car beds in Car Tokyo in the Car Apartments and what about the Car Churches? Is there a Car God? There was a Car Pope in Cars 2. But not one single human being. So why do the cars speak different languages in different accents? Did the cars evolve over many hundreds of thousands, or even millions of years, to develop their own languages and regional dialects? Was there a time in Cars history when the Cars had not yet invented their parts because they had not yet even mastered stone tools?
Finally. I’m going to ask this one more time. Where were all the fucking people?
And now for Dan Whitney, before he became “Larry the Cable Guy!”
Someone else’s song
“Old Man” reaches the top of fictitious chart
Neil Young wrote it.
Corporate Rock sensation Redlight King was granted permission by Neil Young to sample [butcher] one of his finest works for the song.
The video features a skateboarder at the beginning, to rope in fans of Tony Hawk V or whatever’s next. It is cool.
Then, some undefinable hipster – wigger hybrids get in a fight, signifying the dissonance between the last generation’s ways and the pressures of today. So basically a confrontation between two irrelevant groups of people takes place, and you’re supposed to feel something. If your parents are white trash, then you can probably relate to what you see on-screen, maintaining the status quo.
Following this, a distraught-looking Weezer fan enters a bike shop and is confused by tires on the ceiling. The wheels in the sky keep on turning, maybe, but his life is obviously at a standstill – as signified by the fact he is in a Redlight King video. He thinks the motorcycle will take him places, perhaps now through his own bastardization of Easy Rider, minus the weed, because not only is marijuana for old fogies, but Redlight King tests for that stuff now.
The camera then pans across our straight-edge hipster biker-wigger moping in his Detroit squat of an apartment, while the words Old Man, look at my life shamelessly echo off the walls, washing over this embarrassment of a manchild you instantly identified with before realizing what a pussy he is; but it’s too late now.
He reviews disconnect notices for his iPhone and FiOs internet over a bowl of cereal, surrounded by pictures of a disappointed step-father.
Seeking fulfillment and quick cash, the antagonist enters a motorcycle race. He takes off and now you’re finally allowed to see a musical instrument, implying that Neil Young samples were not the only thing used for this song – that someone did in fact pick up a guitar, probably under duress, and most likely enveloped in anguish at the notion of having to resort to use of a talent. The lights are dim and we’re only shown the brief vibration of strings before the manchild reappears in a field after [losing] his motorcycle race.
The video ends on a disturbing note. Viewers discover that not only has the antagonist reproduced, he managed to score with a beautiful woman, ultimately creating this abomination:
Redlight King promotes unsustainable childbirth and theft of intellectual property. Neil Young is neither referenced nor apologized to throughout the course of the video, and you are dumber for watching it.
Redlight King is the trailer park hero of the modern South.
Redlight King is brought to you by Lebal Drocer, Incorporated.
SUCK IT DUDE
Gopd damn ;aoiufoyou omotherfuckers can’t yoiu just get in through your vucking ehads hthat your senseless arguments are the philosophical equivalent to the talley stick? tally stick.
My solution is to encase you all in gold and create the first human currency.
Hey guys, I just thought I’d let you know that I really appreciate all your readings. To those of you in the San Francisco Bay area who printed out articles to read at the poetry slam Saturday: thank you.
Your efforts may go largely unnoticed, but they are unrewarding.
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I say this project clearly shows the destructive and disruptive effects of our present technological and cultural relation to our environment. We have gotten to the point where we are building OURSELVES around technology, rather than the purpose of technology, to be built around OUR needs. Another point I think is that war has evolved. It isn’t just hack and slash, it isn’t shoot a few canon balls to weaken, and control our enemies. We just want all of them DEAD. We build warhead, atom bombs, etc to incinerate everything pertaining to our enemy. In this process of ‘Total Destruction’ War we find we are not just killing our enemies, but the world.
To build these weapons, and carry out these wars we drain every available resource for weapons and transport, not just oil. Tungsten, Uranium, and Iron are only a few resources being drained at a rapid rate. What happens when they DO run out. The whole war scene goes into total chaos, like a Henry Rollins concert. You think the Iraqi war is bad, because of the minuscule amounts of oil we are trying to obtain? What if Oil is completely gone? Any strong, stable country will target weaker countries with oil reserves to fuel their other conquests. The governments will do ANYTHING to obtain what they need. You think the Jewish genocide was bad in WWII? This will be the biggest Genocide of all time. It will be HUMAN genocide. BILLIONS would be killed in the conquests, with little to no fight. What happens after the weak countries are gone? The strong ones fight each other. This is the where the REAL nuclear war begins. The remaining humans will fight one another for these resources. It will be utter chaos!
THAT may just be the conspiracy theorist in me talking, but lets talk about a MUCH more real danger.
The Destruction of Technology.
I know there will be an asshole out there to be Captain obvious saying, “Technology is any advancement”. Yes I know. In this instance I am referring to modern technology.
We use the new technology for everything, checking the weather to helping in self erotic satisfaction. But it has become one with humans. It controls the banking system, communication, airplane charting. What if all of it just… Disappeared? What would happen to the human race. This is a hard thought it fathom. What COULD we do? The world would go back to the days of the late 1800’s. We’d lose telephones, computers, television, and if this is due to lack of resources, automobiles. The world would go into a state of Anarchy. It would allow easy murder, theft, rape, and since none of us are aware of HOW to solve these problems without technology it would ALL go unchecked. I’m not saying HOW this destruction of Tech would happen, because I don’t know how it could. It’s a possibility though. Energy rations, recurring black outs, Damage in the (Already decaying) power grid. All it needs is a push off the edge. Increased solar flare activity, for example.
What would it mean for the world if that happened? The resource War or the technology destruction would make a big impact. This is MY view, this is for YOU to decide what would happen to our world.
Peace, Love, and Black Power
The chronicle.su is perfect in every way. Stop the Internet.