Your keyboard is spying on you

New sonic keyboard technology uses your computer’s built-in microphone to monitor the sounds of your individual keystrokes, logging everything you do, according to new research conducted by Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour and his team of unpaid graduate students.

This intuitive method of eavesdropping combines new with the old by “listening in” on audio footage through state-of-the-art noise analysis firmware, which is “baked into” PC components like the motherboard, but can also be flashed – or overwritten – with new, custom firmware that can also introduce privacy and security backdoors. Troubadour and his lab servants were able to find evidence of the keyboard spyware when a student was able to successfully visualize the data leaving her keyboard.

Computational artifacts reveal keylogging on a potentially global scale.Computational artifacts reveal keylogging on a potentially global scale.
Computational artifacts reveal keylogging on a potentially global scale.

“Go ahead and type a few sentences, and be sure to listen to your keyboard,” Dr. Troubadour writes in the study. “Notice how with each individual keystroke, your keys – although similar and seemingly identical – make slightly different sounds. Because the untrained ear doesn’t recognize these subtle, everyday variations, you might not realize they are there, but because every key has slight variations in tone, tenor and frequency – in fact, no two keystrokes are alike in the entire world (much less, keyboards) – and because every individual keystroke has its own microscopic variation, their frequencies are logged and checked against a database of known typing habits assigned to your unique hardwire profile, as supplied by Google, Apple and Facebook tracking services. Everything you have ever typed is just floating around out there, for sale to anyone and everyone who wants it.”

With advances in HTML5, the entirety of this method of eavesdropping takes place entirely within the hardware, and is completely untraceable. Troubadour and his team have not commented on the spyware’s origin.

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15 Replies to “Your keyboard is spying on you”

      1. Well, we hate you jews too, so time to ezasy bake oven you snowflake cupcaeks (cupcake recipes provide by @th3j35t3r’s mom).

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  2. Fishfag has my digits. Text me from gmail. Unless you on signal. You know I don’t do email or social media other than to lurk moar & be a casual shitposter here on the ye old chronicle. And anyways we’ll just ended up blocking each other eventually when we’ve gotten on one another’s last gay nerves. So speaking of gay, I guess we better start a we-pay for ‘Hatesec’s Adventures in New York City’. You should interview random people in NYC (with your cellphone, best why to get mugged and be that crime victim you’ve always wanted to be), turn it into a podcast, be gorilla. So it’s kind’ve like that 80’s movie with Elizabeth Shue, Adventures in Babysitting accept it’s you, hatehepcat hanging with Brooklyn hacking hipsters, BUT on copious amounts of drugs and alcohol. They can use your corpse for Weekend at Bernie’s 3 after Hatesec’s Adventures in New York City ends in your demise. But hey I’ll bet ya, that you’ll have fun, or die trying 🔫🗡💣💥🔪⛏ (keeps looking for syringe emoji)

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