Nancy Grace Guilty in Caylee Murder

SALT LAKE CITY-Forensic evidence has a lead a hand-selected set of unbiased media deprived jurors to the unanimous decision that Nancy Grace  was in fact the murderer in her own biggest story.

Mrs. Grace’s attorneys were not available for comment, because they are on a  vacation to the International Space Station, spending Mrs. Grace’s legal fees,   approximately 600 million dollars in all. Nancy Grace was abandoned by her  defense after only two days of questioning-which was followed by Mrs. Grace’s  humiliating and ineffective self-defense.

Mrs. Grace made a statement in a furious but failed attempt to exonerate  herself and avoid ridicule.

“I am one of the most gentlest people I have ever known.  Little Caylee was  murdered before I even met her, and I love her as my own daughter. These last  few months being under investigation [inaudible] they’ve been horrible, horrible. I’m not pretending to be anything but a crime victim who  went to law school and tried a lot of cases. I’m not guilty, and I won’t eat  your souls if given the chance.” -Nancy Grace

Mrs. Grace was sentenced to death by hanging because of a backwards Utah statute dating from before the Civil War.

CNN has modified its broadcasting to a 24 hour cycle of Nancy Grace reporting her own last days from  prison mixed equally with heart disease and drug commercials. This  paramedia assault from hell has ended the normal lives of at least 100  million Americans every day according to the latest Nielsen ratings.

Nancy Grace has begun to feed on the negative energy and hate filled atmosphere of her prison cell and has purportedly begun to “evolve” rapidly a la Pokemon.  As her prison-bound rhetoric ramps up, viewers will keep tuning in. Nancy Grace Live From Prison  is the most popular television event since the Iraq War.

Her guards have issued the resounding opinion that Mrs. Grace will not be  contained by her cell for very much longer. The widespread belief is that her rate of growth may reach a critical ‘Akira-like’ tipping point and she may devour the entire prison, or even the planet.

“She’s just getting too big, too fast.  Being stuffed with such pure hatred will  give her the strength to snap those iron bars like toothpicks.  I think if she  wanted to get out now, she’d just rage her way through and kill us all.  She’s  only staying in there for television-she’s feeding her own hatred in an infinite  loop or a downward spiral-whatever. She will never be put to death, I don’t  think it’s even possible at this point.”