Categories
Editorial News

Anonymous vaporizes Sony, targets AT&T

Today the Supreme court voted along party lines to destroy consumer rights. The majority-holding republicans voted down a case that would allow class action lawsuits against corporations. It upholds the legality of contracts which force consumers into arbitration. Arbitration is a process through which big businesses anally rape the general public. The class action suit against AT&T reached the supreme court over a $30 fee that is still unexplained. The message from the Supreme Court is clear. Corporations can force you into a contract, take away your right to sue, and charge you a fee for it. And then anal rape you, and charge you an anal rape fee.

As soon as their pawns in the Supreme Court upheld corporate hegemony, AT&T revised its terms of service to give themselves the power to anal rape more viciously.

Not all is lost. Sonygate has prompted a democratic uprising for corporate justice. A lawsuit has been filed against Sony, which also includes forced anal rape in its terms of service. The behavior of Sony and AT&T may shift public opinion against corporations in a profound way.

Senator Blumenthal and Representative Johnson have introduced legislation that will fix the rule of law to make anal rape illegal. The legislation will disallow forced arbitration by terms of service, opening all corporations to class action lawsuits. Chronicle.SU opinion polls show that 99% of citizens believe that corporations should not be allowed the right to anal rape.

Meanwhile, Anonymous is organizing a DDoS that will disable AT&T’s call network to finally get revenge on smug iPhone users. In 1990, AT&T wrongly blamed a network outage on hackers, a move that led to the arrest of hundreds of hackers. Anonymous does not forget.

UPDATE: AT&T moves forward their plans on acquiring T-mobile to crush competition and consumers underneath their mighty feet.

Categories
Editorial Special Interest

My ideal president

I’d like to see a President self-destruct once in office.

The ideal President would/is/does:

  • Tear the oval office apart in fits of rage
  • Listen to Electric Wizard
  • Kick secretaries in the face
  • not try to conceal one blowjob, but demand them every hour, on the hour
  • drinks heavily
  • even uses cat tranquilizers and PCP
  • fights police
  • hates women
  • has kids and collects child support from his ex-wife
  • loses control in front of audiences and repeatedly uses racial epithets to describe his corporate bosses
  • liberal jew media
  • goes to visit his brother in prison, because he really, truly cares.
  • sleeps until 1 p.m. and plays Call of Duty for three hours before getting dressed for work
  • Doesn’t go to work
  • Ignores major responsibilities
  • eliminate deficit
  • acquire new, larger defecit
Categories
Politics

Anonymous announces endorsement for Grady Warren 2012

Today, Anonymous announced its support for the Tea Party’s greatest presidential hope: Grady Warren. Following the suit of Chronicle.SU, Anonymous has created #OpGradyWarren2012 to spread the message of racial hatred espoused by Grady Warren to every corner of the internet. This is in line with the factions of Anonymous who find this kind of shit hilarious and worthy of support.

Grady Warren is a Florida Community College alumnus. He currently works as a Sporting Goods Professional in Jacksonville, Fla. and is an outspoken member of the American Tea Party. Grady Warren has a simple, concise platform that Anonymous can get behind.

  • Deportation of Muslims
  • Deportation of Hispanics
  • Concentration camps for “Negras”
  • Concentration camps for Gays and Lesbians
  • Sexual fantasies about Sarah Palin
  • Voting rights only for educated Whites

See for yourself!