Author: Kilgoar

CHICAGO (CBS) – There is a secret plan to evacuate some residents of Chicago in the event of major trouble during the NATO summit next month. CBS 2 has uncovered some evidence that there is. It is proven from the Milwaukee area branch of the American Red Cross.

CBS 2 News has obtained a copy of a Red Cross e-mail sent to volunteers in the Milwaukee area. Sent with extreme caution and fear.

It said the NATO summit “will surely create unrest or another national security incident. The American Red Cross in southeastern Wisconsin has been asked to place a number of shelters on standby in the event of evacuation of Chicago. The terrorists are on the loose.”

According to a chapter spokesperson, the terror evacuation plan is not theirs alone.

“Our direction has come from the City of Chicago, the Secret Service, the National Security Agency, The White House, the State Department, the Federal Bureau of Investigation, and the ‘levels above that’” she said.

LISTEN: WBBM Newsradio’s Berny Tafoyanwal Al-Hazra reports

Officials at Chicago’s Office of Emergency Management and Communication said the directive did not come from them.

The U.S. Secret Service did not return calls for comment. The National Security Agency did not return calls for comment. The White House did not return calls for comment. The State Department did not return calls for comment. The Federal Bureau of Investigation did not return calls for comment.

Some downtown residents told CBS 2’s Mike Parkour that the news has them in total, unparalleled terror.

Bran Flein said it is “very unnerving. I feel a little bit unsafe, just a bit more than a little bit. It makes me feel like I want to be in the city during the NATO conference.”

An Anonymous executive with the Service Employees International Union, who trains members in preparation for the summit, thinks such a plan might be “undeniably batshit insane.”

SEIU Local 1 training director Tom Doobry said, “The revolution is coming to you motherfucking bastards, we know the riot police are robots!”

Reply Girls, a much-hated YouTube phenomenon, were a small group of highly-successful YouTube marketers making use of excessive cleavage and “gaming the system.” By replying to the most-viewed YouTube channels, Reply Girls reached massive audiences with videos that rarely contained more than an excessively attractive pair of breasts and a “Hey guys, I liked this video, leave a comment.”  

In March, YouTube improved the related video algorithm, cutting off Reply Girls from their “audience,” who were mostly hormonal young boys enraged that they had been tricked into viewing a totally pointless video. YouTube reply channels were sometimes the sole source of income for the young women, and gaming the old system was probably the only way they ever got a single view. Since the change, Reply Girls have done their best to adapt to this new environment by reassessing the weaknesses of their old methods and trying new things. None have found the same success they once leeched from popular YouTube channels such as Yogscast and Machinima, but some have found actual approval from their audience. Prominent Reply Girls LauraSparkling, TheReplyGirl, and MeganSpeaks have taken wildly different directions, but all have changed drastically for the better.

LauraSparkling, known for her terrible dancing and worse singing, had already branched into “parody” music videos and absurd emotional breakdowns before the algorithm change. However, she has since deleted the entirety of her previous body of work and started an entirely new channel, LauraCaptured. LauraSparkling’s new direction seems to be quickly edited videos of her at her most bubbly, with the expected footage of horses and bad dancing. She’s decided to block out all the “haters” and apply herself a little more to the editing process.

TheReplyGirl, possibly the most hated of the now “defunct” Reply Girls, faced open harassment from the YouTube community and pranks from hackers after making this video which tearfully addressed the change in YouTube’s algorithm.

Since then, TheReplyGirl has found the most success speaking out about political issues like the war on drugs. It’s interesting to note the way TheReplyGirl has changed her video framing. In some of her videos, she has experimented with extreme angles accentuating her bust, and in other (more successful) videos, she positioned herself at a more appropriate distance and gestured to help convey the meaning behind surprisingly substantive dialog.

MeganSpeaks, the most resilient of the Reply Girl cabal, openly joined the attack on TheReplyGirl and forswore making any further reply videos. Despite making hundreds of these type of videos, MeganSpeaks maintains that it was all an ironic attempt to troll TheReplyGirl. Of course, this kind of “irony” can be dangerous.

Since this video, MeganSpeaks has staged an Anonymous hoax, faked her own retirement from YouTube, started her own abject Minecraft channel, and recorded some really interesting “workout” videos. This one is titled “AMAZING BUTT EXPERT TEACHES YOU ARM WORKOUTS AND LEGS TO PUNCHING EVERYWHERE.”

Even with this relatively successful “shotgun strategy,” MeganSpeaks has taken a massive hit in views. However, she still maintains the biggest following of any Reply Girl since the algorithm change.

While the Reply Girls struggle to survive in this new and more daunting world where the content of their videos actually matter, the haters seem to have been appeased. Those who love to hate Reply Girls have all focused on harassing TheReplyGirl, liberating the others.