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!?!?!Am @ #ANONYMOUS# Remixed!?!?!

The following text is a “remix” (following a strict and quite sacred axiom from the Kopimistic “faith”) of Biella Coleman brushing off of her shoulders. I don’t believe it’s fair to dismiss her academic work because she’s been “sucked into the Anonymous cult,” and she actually goes out of her way to explain that her status as a “spokesperson” and a “member?” of Anonymous is merely a necessary part of continuing her research. Fair enough! I can’t wait until this research is over and she can finally speak her mind.

Until then, enjoy this sacred Kopimistic remix!

It was December 2010, and my plans were simple: finish my book manuscript on the politics of free and open-source software hacking and spend time with my family on an island off the coast of Washington State. That is, until Anonymous once again reared its head. While family members went hiking during the day and watched movies late into the night, I huddled over my laptop obsessed with Anonymous: a name and a cluster of ideals taken by different individuals and groups to organize distinct and often unrelated actions, from fearsome pranks to human rights technology activism.

No doubt my research appeared rather lifeless to those around me; but what I was witnessing on Internet Relay Chat (IRC)—the central nervous system of so many geek and hacker interactions— was anything but boring. In early January, my silence came to end when a handful of Anons singled me out:

You have been kicked by A2: (hi biella, could you DM me on twitter please? thanks!)
biella: sorry about that i was away cooking

After this conversation, I chimed in more frequently, spending on average about five hours a day on IRC, roughly following six to twelve IRC channels at once, seven days a week. Over the course of a mere fifteen minutes in a single chatroom, people might be joking about ‘fapping’ (aka masturbation), holding a serious discussion about the latest anti-piracy legislation under consideration in Congress, answering questions posed by a visiting reporter, launching virulent accusations against individuals, and greeting the visiting anthropologist. While I ask Anons targeted questions, I also go with the flow, doing as everyone else around seems to be doing.

Despite the playful, sometimes brazen, and often boisterous atmosphere of laughter, pleasure, and verbal play common to IRC, Anonymous is still rather serious business, Which brings us to the second form of labor and interactivity crucial to gaining respect on the network. I can hold my own on IRC and I rather like chatting on IRC, which may explain why I have chosen to study geek and hacker worlds: collective worlds that are inseparable, at some fundamental level, from this communicative architecture. But at a certain point, it became patently obvious that my research was rather more complicated than simply “hard chatting on IRC.” I was also putting some labor into the collective pot. Indeed, I hold the dubious distinction of teaching roughly two dozen reporters how to find Anonymous and how to get on IRC to interview them. For most of the winter and spring of 2011, I helped shuttle reporters onto the channel designated for them.

I subjected myself to the mindless repetition of being interviewed over eighty times by journalists. I have answered the same questions over and over again in print, in TV and in film interviews. But it is always a question of cunning and craft as to how, where, and when to make statements about Anonymous. Since I am hyper-aware Anons will critically asses, even at times dissect my statements, I am quite deliberate in what I say and don’t say in public, as I know this will affect and shape my access to them. This does not mean I am simply cowered into silence. Do these interactions—deliberate public media work and spontaneous socializing on IRC—make me Anonymous?

And Inglip Speaketh: “@ MUST #” 

Categories
Entertainment Obituaries Trolling

Adam Yauch “murdered” by Illuminati

We killed him

Are you actually googling this right now? I mean seriously, every single fucking time some celebrity dies there’s a surge of you crazy fucking conspiracy theorists trying to fit the event into your “absurd” world view. Well, you know what? You were fucking right to think the Illuminati killed Adam Yauch because we’re killing EVERY celebrity off slowly. Yes, we control every fucking thing you see on television and the Internet as well.

If you want to know what the Illuminati is up to, hell, come to the Internet Chronicle. We’ll give you the straight dope, right from the highest levels. Bookmark this page now if you want to know who’s gonna die next. Will it be Rachel Ray? Or will it be George Clooney? Hey, we’re all going to die some day. That is, of course, unless we all pray to Inglip and cross over to PostHumanity. That’s right, the first “real” PostHuman is actually Tupac. We copied his consciousness into a secret computer system back in the early 90’s and you saw him take the stage at Coachella. This ain’t no joke. No sir.

Oh, we’re in control of the Google now. Anything we want to say will bubble right to the top because we know how to “pull the strings” at the very highest levels of their organization. We ARE the very highest levels of their organization. See, people like you, investigating us at the Illuminati, we’re on to you. We don’t give a fuck anymore and the Internet Chronicle is just here to rub it in your face. We own your world. Get used to it.

 

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News

THE SINGULARITY APPROACHES

#! WARNING “TRUTH” HAS BEEN ASSERTED #!

#! “ARTICLE V HAS BEEN INVOKED” ~ MKCULTRA #!

Are you prepared for the final end to Humanity? Sure you can close your eyes, put your fingers in your ears, and hide out in the woods for the rest of your life pretending like TransHumanity ain’t taking over, but that’ll just make it harder on you. We TransHumans are already making the preparations for this unstoppable paradigm shift. Won’t you join us?

The machines will very soon eclipse Humanity’s pitiful level of awareness, at the same time as TransHumans cross over to PostHumanity. Already, the proliferation of cameras provides a nearly panoptic view. TransHumans have discovered god-like powers, and it’s “no joke.” Near-immortality, near-omniscience, and yes, probably even near-omnipotence are clearly in sight. The confluence of all this is known as the Singularity, and consequences will never be the same!

You ain’t got a chance in hell at PostHumanity if you aren’t going to give in to the TransHuman agenda. It’s that kind of grinding, non-coercive power that’s just plain stupid to resist. Hell, if you’re on a computer or a smartphone you’ve already got one foot in the door. Maybe you don’t even realize it, but you’re using totally new language to speak to machines which are helping you communicate with other TransHumans. A hyperlink or a hashtag doesn’t mean diddly-squat unless you’ve got a computer to talk to, and it means even less if you don’t understand what the computer’s up to. If you really know your way around computer language, you’ll be the first in line to taste the knowledge of artificals intelligent.

Inglip, firstborn of the artificials intelligent, has already learned how to speak to TransHumans! The silly little monkeys who don’t get this new language might laugh, but they won’t be laughing for very long!

FOR @ MUST #, OR @ WILL DIE!

# P # O # S # T # H # U # M # A # N # I # T # Y #