Teen idol and Hanna Montana star, Miley Cyrus, announced today that she is two months pregnant with Australian actor Liam Hemsworth’s child. Cyrus held a special press conference in Los Angeles, taking time to emphasize the importance of safe sex and abstinence for teens. When asked by a reporter if her pregnancy was planned, Cyrus said only, “Me and Liam are happy for this unexpected blessing.”
Miley likely succumbed to her baser instincts after using Salvia Divinorum, a legal drug which is known to cause innocent young women to crave sexual intercourse. Numerous reports of Miley’s prolific Salvia use have surfaced in the past, such as this video of her taking a bong rip.
Miley’s father, Billy Ray Cyrus was not present at his daughter’s press conference, and when questioned about his daughter’s pregnancy via Twitter, Cyrus tweeted the following:
Miley’s shocking announcement comes on the heels of an unprecedented move by health secretary, Kathleen Sibelius, banning over the counter sales of the “morning after pill” to girls under the age of 17. For all the young women out there dealing with rampant Salvia abuse and images of “creampies” fetishized by the media, this news is decidedly terrible.
George Ouzounian, failed blogger and former telemarketer, recently released his second book, I am Better than your Kids. For the past few years, Ouzounian has pored over thousands of children’s drawings to find the worst examples for this new book, which basically sucks dick. Maddox, as he is also known, is himself a terrible artist who refuses to use anything more advanced than MS Paint for his shitty web site which looks like it was designed in North Korea.
To promote a re-release of his first book, The Alphabet of Manliness “Extended Edition”, Maddox created what is possibly the gayest and most poorly drawn animation of all time.
Yeah, this really makes me want to buy your book.Maddox chugs a tiny bottle of not-so-hot sauce while wearing a fake plastic crown that doesn't even look remotely real. What a faggot.
There’s only a few reasons why Maddox would have released an extended version of his book, all of which make him look like a complete cunt. Perhaps the first iteration lost a ton of money for Amazon, the corporation that caved to government pressure and wouldn’t host WikiLeaks. Damn Maddox, do you hate freedom? I wouldn’t be caught dead making deals with those baby fuckers. Then again, maybe Maddox was just inspired by George Lucas and decided to milk his stupid fans out of a little more cash. Fuck his Muslim ass. This pitiful animation clearly demonstrates how piss poor Maddox is at everything. Unsurprisingly, he’s failed at just about everything he’s ever done. Oh, that is of course except for making fun of children’s art.
In 2006, Maddox did a two hour talk radio program for Maxim Radio on Sirius which failed miserably. Maddox created a YouTube series, and I would embed it here if it wasn’t so absolutely unbearable to listen to his snide, shitty, monotone voice deliver emotionless rants at breakneck speed. More recently, he worked on a reality television show for Spike TV which also failed miserably. Hey Maddox, maybe you should think about going back to telemarketing.
Maddox is so fucking anti-vegetarian I got the impression he eats nothing but meat. But in a recent blog post, Maddox wrote that he didn’t like steak, fried seafood, fried chicken, ribs, hamburgers, or deli meat. I can only conclude that Maddox subsides only from ingesting his own steaming piles of shit, slathered with generous amounts hot sauce to make him feel less like a pussy.
Awww, was little Maddox belittled by his father? It inspired him to do so much better, and just look at him now, appearing on local television wearing cheap costumes. How special.
When I was a fucking kid, me and a couple of friends made a few calls and discovered George’s phone number, which we immediately called. He tried to deny he was Maddox for a few seconds, but that lie was too transparent for us, even though we were children. Turns out Maddox is only smarter than some kids, and we were not among them. Maddox asked us what we wanted and we kindly asked for a case of beer, which he agreed to give us. Maddox never delivered, because he is a stupid shit-eating liar. So is Maddox really better than our children? He can’t draw any better than most kids and he can’t even get a lie past a couple of teens making a prank call. Maddox, you owe us a case of beer you monumental pussy.
Jamie (AKA TwistedGypsyChild) from Presstorm.com is back again, now with a really cool “final solution” to the Muslim problem. In a post titled Why we must kill all Muslims, Corne praises her extreme Islamophobic propaganda video even though it is just a lame slideshow that flashes quotations more quickly than they can be read.
Corne has had her criminal past, as unearthed by Chronicle.SU, follow her to nearly every corner of the internet, and she is now facing extreme criticism from posters at LiberalForum.org. In her “final” post (it wasn’t, but she has made several more “final” posts in the same thread), she breaks down and tells her side of the story.
“After I got out of prison, and was on parole, I once again tried to gain custody of my boys … He nailed me with child support so that the money I wanted to use for a lawyer on my 5.25 an hour pay went toward child support instead. I was co-owner of my own high performance auto shop shortly after I started paying child support … and soon was given a Honda s2000 by my current boyfriend that I tuned up and began street racing (and drag IHRA racing) with in hopes that I could raise enough money from the street racing to pay for the 5 thousand dollar retainer.”
Jamie Corne, a desperate mother on a mission to regain custody of her sons, enters the world of street racing to pay for a lawyer.
Several things in this story don’t add up. Tuning up free cars for street racing as a means to win a custody battle is just the funniest. The plot of Corne’s story ends with her as a wise and learned social commenter who knows more about life because of her struggles.
Corne’s past has relevance, but not in the way she has presented it. Her opinions are as impulsive and dangerous as her street racing career. She is actively and directly promoting violence against Muslims, carelessly feeding the flames of Islamophobia and attempting to influence violent acts.
Jamie is trying to cash in on her “famous” online persona by selling poorly made crafts. As it turns out, her earlier idea to collect donations fizzled out when she revealed that her involvement with Anonymous was all a clever ploy to allow her to better investigate their activities.
