Author: Kilgoar

The 168 year old publication News of the World has been accused of hacking the telephone and e-mails of recently deceased persons of public interest. Rupert Murdoch’s son, James Murdoch, personally pulled the plug on his ring of hacker-journalists. The final edition of News of the World contained the following poetic sign-off:

We are Anonymous

We do not forgive

We do not forget

Expect us

James Murdoch keeps a life size model of Darth Vader outside his office overlooking London. Occasionally he removes the helmet and replays his favorite scene from Return of the Jedi, knowing full well that his father will never turn away from the dark side.

Hackers have failed to d0x those behind the News of the World hacking scandal. The internal e-mail records have been wiped clean at the behest of the Murdoch family, in a poor attempt to cover up their involvement in the creation of Anonymous.

The media continues their secret hacking endeavors in the ever quickening battle to report the next big story before everyone else gets the scoop. However, the corporate media continually feeds the public fear of hackers with illegally hacked information.

We can only hope that someone out there d0xes the Murdoch family before they create a global media empire.

Editor’s note: Our staff hackers have hacked James Murdoch’s voicemail and found incontrovertible proof that he is responsible for the continued DDoS of AnonNews!

 

HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED HOW ALL THE CELESTIAL BODIES AND EVERY ASTRONOMICAL PHENOMENON HAS A REAL NAME EXCEPT FOR OUR SOLAR SYSTEM, WHICH IS SIMPLY CALLED “THE SOLAR SYSTEM”?
OF COURSE YOU HAVE! JUST AS EVERYONE ELSE HAS, ONLY NO ONE EVER TALKS ABOUT IT SINCE WE ALL FEEL POWERLESS TO EFFECT ANY CHANGES ON EARTH, MUCH LESS BEING ABLE TO IMAGINE GOING SO FAR AS TO BELIEVING WE COULD DO SOMETHING AS AMBITIOUS AS NAMING AN ENTIRE SOLAR SYSTEM! BUT, NOW YOU MAY HAVE A CHANCE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! THE SCHWA CORPORATION’S NAME THE SOLAR SYSTEM CONTEST IS HERE! ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS PUT YOUR IDEAS FOR A NAME OR NAMES FOR THE SOLAR SYSTEM INTO SOME READABLE FORM AND MAIL IT IN. DO IT NOW AND HAVE YOUR THOUGHTS POTENTIALLY IMMORTALIZED ON THE BIGGEST SOLAR SYSTEM WITHIN A FEW LIGHT YEARS OF THE EARTH!
TRY THE SCHWA CORPORATION’S NAME THE SOLAR SYSTEM CONTEST RIGHT NOW. SIMPLY SEND YOUR SUBMISSION WITH A SELF-ADDRESSED STAMPED ENVELOPE TO:
NAME THE SOLAR SYSTEM! P.O.BOX 6064 RENO, NV 89513
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DISCLAIMERS, INDEMNIFICATION AND LIMITATIONS:
ALL EMPLOYEES OF THE SCHWA CORPORATION, THEIR FRIENDS, FAMILIES AND ANYONE RELATED TO THEIR ANCESTORS ARE INELIGIBLE FOR THIS CONTEST. PRIZES WILL BE AWARDED AT THE SOLE DISCRETION OF THE SCHWA CORPORATION AND THE SCHWA CORPORATION, ITS OFFICERS, ASSIGNEES AND REPRESENTATIVES ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY FEELINGS, DISAPPOINTMENTS, RESENTMENTS, HOPES, FANTASIES OR OTHER SENSATIONS YOU MAY EXPERIENCE AS A RESULT OF YOUR PARTICIPATION IN OR KNOWLEDGE OF THIS CONTEST. THIS CONTEST IS INTENDED PURELY AS A MARKETING PLOY AND THE SCHWA CORPORATION IS NOT BOUND TO ENFORCE THE WINNING NAME OR NAMES FOR USE IN THE ENGLISH OR ANY OTHER LANGUAGE, WHETHER NOW EXISTING OR NOT YET KNOWN. IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS OR COMMENTS REGARDING THIS CONTEST OR THESE DISCLAIMERS OR ANYTHING ELSE PLEASE THINK ABOUT THEM ALOT. ALL SUBMISSIONS MUST BE RECEIVED BEFORE THE SUN USES ALL OF ITS FREE HYDROGEN AS FUEL.
.
COMING SOON:
THE SCHWA CORPORATION’S NAME THE UNIVERSE CONTEST!
NOTICE: THE FINAL DEADLINE FOR THE SCHWA CORPORATION’S NAME TIME CONTEST! WAS JANUARY 1, 1297. PLEASE UNMAIL ANY NEW SUBMISSIONS AT THIS TIME.

http://web.archive.org/web/20060830123631/http://www.theschwacorporation.com/secure.asp

Helicopters circle the Orange County courthouse as jeering crowds shout “OJ 2!” to demonstrate how out of context their feelings truly are.

Nancy Grace sneers through a million televisions, imploring us to please think of little Caylee, and continue our own personal crusade for justice. Grace frothed like a third grade science project and foamed at the mouth on live TV as her spine twisted into the shape of a question mark preceded by an exclamation mark.

[pullquote]”I was thinking about throwing little Caylee’s body out in that swamp” – NANCY GRACE[/pullquote]

Little Caylee, now a blip on the radar, a mistake erased, has been thrown out the window of a moving car to rot on the side of Nobody Gives a Fuck Road, Nancy Grace said.

Happy Independence Day! Casey Anthony is the new official symbol of Freedom, Independence and Life after being found extremely Not Guilty.

“For three long years, the citizens of Orange County have sought justice for the death of 2 year old Caylee Anthony,” said an unnamed Negro cop before reporters.

Today, justice is served.

Casey Anthony has already been approached with a book porn deal for millions of dollars.