MOSCOW – In his new video, a sleepy Edward Snowden demonstrated how to hack any website using only an iPhone and the RAM from a scientific calculator. With these new secrets, Snowden said, literally anyone in the world can carry out an attack on a government agency.
“You hear a lot of talk about TOR and VPNs,” he cautioned, “that’s what LulzSec used to do.” Snowden said use of TOR and VPNs is what blew LulzSec’s cover.
With this new method, he said, “You’re free to take on any government agency. You can carry out really any attack vector on any website … And once you’ve done that, you’re basically a hacker,” he said. “And you’re completely untraceable.”
The Grandmaster of the Illuminati stepped out of the shadows to tell reporters they were responsible for 9/11, and it may have been their worst mistake yet.
The Internet Chronicle tried to warn you about the AntiChrist on your doorstep, people, but now it’s standing in the kitchen cooking pies and poison. With the onset of certain war distant from the public consciousness, the administration of evil is allowed to enact whatever corporate edicts are handed to them, and no one of any importance pays the consequences.
Your children are hungry, with their mouths hanging open, eager to collect whatever dust may blow in because they haven’t seen real food in a decade. They’re fat but malnourished. Your penis no longer responds to anything but scat porn on Redtube. Your girlfriend left you for playing too much golf, and your friends stopped calling because you don’t play enough golf. Your face has become pink from a high sodium diet and now you get winded getting out of bed. What’s the point anymore?
The Internet Chronicle – that’s what. Through all your sadness, hunger, emotional pain and societal decay, The Internet Chronicle has been there for you. For almost a decade The Internet Chronicle has filled your life with meaning where there might only have been a rewarding cocaine addiction. For years now, The Internet Chronicle has brought you the unabashed truth about epic conspiracies spanning the Universe: Chemtrails, John F. Kennedy, HAARP weather control, LSD mind control, public assassinations of high profile targets, and the notorious homosexual agenda of the “American” Pickers.
The American public deserves the shitstorm they get, just as the Internet Chronicle deserves the heaps of praise it receives on a daily basis from outlets such as the AP, CBS and some of those inferior publications we can’t remember. Keep reading, keep learning, and keep the hate held high so that the dollars may flow, directly into our blossoming bank accounts. And for the love of God, keep sending us your insightful comments. We read each and every one.
INTERNET – In 1994, critics led by Tipper Gore called for the rare Adults Only ESRB rating of a controversial videogame that encouraged gamers to hack fictional government mainframes and turn over data for points.
Gore’s fears were not misplaced. New evidence suggests Snowden grew up playing certain games against all caution, such as Dissent, for Playstation 1, and Bureau Kombat.
With technological advances vastly exceeding the predictions of Murphy’s Law, gaming has evolved. Whistleblow Auto V gives players realtime access to actual top-tier government agencies using Antisocial Club, the in-game hacker interface connecting gamers to stocks, politicians’ emails and realtime Skype conversations to destroy political enemies before they can react.
As a result of exposure to the influence of violently helpful videogames, Snowden later downloaded what he could en masse, and hand picked the journalists he wanted disseminating it. He chose Laura Poitras because of her hyper-violent access to the mainstream press.
Poitras profited heavily from the Snowden leaks he stole while working as a contractor for the CIA. And as far as Poitras goes, the US Government doesn’t know whether to prosecute her for publishing leaks, or to turn her into the poster child for American capitalism.
As long as The Truth sells, people will buy it. What would we do without access to absolute reality the mainstream press is selling? What would you do without an imagined baseline of morality? What would we do with the truth?
These are all questions Whistleblow Auto V purports to address under the guise of “entertainment.”
Looking forward
New fears of youth organizing have arisen of EA’s proposal to develop Sim Militia, which EA said will be released in a painful series of full-priced DLC that slowly opens new territory and an innovative hate tree similar to the tech trees of Starcraft and Civilization.
MOSCOW – In his new video, a sleepy Edward Snowden demonstrated how to hack any website using only an iPhone and the RAM from a scientific calculator. With these new secrets, Snowden said, literally anyone in the world can carry out an attack on a government agency.
