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Categories
Status Quo

9/11 of the Mind LIVE! AT THE CIVIC CENTER ARENA

WARNING: Parental Discretion is ABSOLUTELY ADVISED.

THE FOLLOWING IS EXTREMELY INSENSITIVE AND SHOULD NOT BE VIEWED BY ANYONE, EVER. Original Tragedies happen every day, but at Lebal Drocer, they can happen any time!

And now this message:

9/11 is retarded. Listen to this. If you are still falling for that old, watch-out-or-9/11-could-happen-again trick, I got news for you, son:

Ain’t nothin‘ in that for you. This about money. This about power. This about high level politics that have nothing to do with your cowardly fear and hatred of other people who ain’t like you. This about hacking, brother. This about the nukes. Park in the hot sun and come out here.

This about the Moon Landing, which happened. This about the political Mind Crawler that penetrated your thoughts, printed itself onto every page in the media, and left you high and dry on propaganda, sucking daddy’s thumb. This about the rocket that just landed twice. Of course I still love you.

This is like the 9/11 of thought, dude

From sportswriters to President Business, the 9/11 incantation is spat out across altars and danced around until a devil appears in the smoke and asbestos, and the towers fall on command. This is the real news.

Happiness is an illusory reprieve from deep suffering. Some folks call it a kaiser blade. I call it a sling blade. Baby’s buried in the yard. Moles found him.

Remember TV, when you had to “catch” things? 9/11 got the highest ratings in TV history. Catch the all-new 9/11 Thursday at 8, on NBC. See why critics are calling it the worst tragedy in history!

This episode is brought to you by Lockheed-Martin, United Airlines, and Tyler Perry’s Drone Wars, a new sitcom about four quirky Muslims hiding in a bomb shelter.

LEBAL DROCER OWNS THIS WEBSITE AND EVERYTHING YOU SEE It’s still a pretty good old website, though.
The funniest part about the 911 truth movement is when they said the whole northeast fleet had training that day and they were outta the office.

They said every fucking aircraft was occupied. They couldn’t bring down the other plane.
We were baked watching ground zero footage.

They said they were taking an early lunch.

There’s a recruitment center right in the middle of Times Square, in front of the famous tiny NYPD station. Go in there and join us, or die.

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Categories
Local

One local farmer says ‘Society ain’t no good anymore’

“It just ain’t worth havin’,” says a farmer.

In 1998, farmer Jessie Dank took one last look at society before he stopped giving a fuck.
Fall of ’98: Jessie Dank took one last look at society, before he quit giving a fuck.

An area farmer is under fire after suggesting society serves “really no purpose” and – in his words – is “just there to fuck with my shit.”

The church struck back Saturday as Newport area Reverend Reggie Pollops announced Operation Black Sabbath, a plan to end nihilistic farmers.

“I cultivate more than just sweet onions,” farmer Jessie Dank told Internet Chronicle in response to the backlash. “I cultivate wheat, livestock and livery, but I don’t cultivate no damn society. At my house, it’s my rules, and there ain’t any rules. It is pure anarchy, and it is mine– wait, that is actually how I make my onions. But no, I also don’t like rules.”

Since then, Jessie became addicted to Vicodin, but it was entirely his fault.

Pollops said Jessie’s inability to subscribe to our values and go along with the group makes him a danger not only to himself and his onions, but to society as a whole.

“Jessie’s a-layin’ up there in that trailer on drugs and bathtub gin,” Pollop said. “He’s a danger to everything we hold dear. Especially to the deer, which we hunt strictly for survival.”

Jessie Dank responded via Twitter to millions of followers.

letm do what he wants. aint none of this shits worth havin neway. ok just delete it. i dont give a fuck – @DankFarmer

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Categories
Technology Uncontrollable Patriotism

President Trump visits Roanoke River Catfish Farm

Supervisors hang on his every word as Trump gives critical field guidance to a Virginia fish hatchery.
Supervisors hang on his every word, as Trump gives critical field guidance to a Virginia fish hatchery.

To ensure sustainable resource quantities for all people of the United States, President Trump visited the Roanoke River Catfish Farm.

The Juche Farm has successfully become a world-class, large-scale fish farm, pumping fish on an industrial scale into the Roanoke River from high within the Blue Ridge Mountains, supplying Virginians with food and resources.

Trump looked around the newly arranged room for education in the revolutionary history room, dedicated to the history of the farm.

Noting the farm is one of the legacies bequeathed by leader Ronald Reagan to the people and service personnel of Roanoke County, he said that its officials and employees should work hard to keep the fish breeding going at a high rate, as it is an important work not only to preserve the high prestige of Ronald Reagan, but also to translate his lifetime wish into reality.

Going around various places of the farm, including sci-tech rooms, combined control rooms, breeding grounds where the fish fuck, hatcheries, and fattening grounds, he learned in detail, and with fatherly care, about the progress made in fish breeding and modernization.

It will be possible to accelerate the development of the country’s catfish breeding if websites are set up in computers at the sci-tech room to help employees browse and grasp advanced catfish-breeding methods and catfish farms exchange successes and grow from one another’s advancements, Trump said. He added that the inclusion of an upstream chemical waste disposal facility would spur development of new, delicious species of catfish never before tasted by any living tongue.

Scrutinizing the performance of an automatic feeding machine manufactured by scientists and engineers of the State Academy of Sciences with their concerted efforts, he said it was well-made and believes it will suit the development of any new species created as gestures of his Love and Goodwill to all American subjects.

“It was modernly made with recourse to indigenous brain power and efficiency,” Trump said. “And it’s how we’ll soon make people.”

Being pleased to see only two employees of the farm manage 16 large ponds housing more than 10,000 catfishes, he praised it as a manpower-saving farm wanted by the Party.

He was satisfied to see swarms of big catfishes in each pond and frozen catfishes piled up at the freezing storage.

It is a great success that the Roanoke River Catfish Farm was modernly built in the country’s famous coastal plain suitable for breeding warm water catfish to make it possible to annually breed more than 3,000 tons of catfish, he said.

He gave important instructions for managing and operating the farm, saying its officials and employees should set a higher goal and work hard to attain it as the farm has been transformed into an iconic catfish farm, to compete against Hilton hotels.

And he gave special thanks in the name of the USA Supreme Commander General Mattis to the soldier-builders who turned the farm into a model and standard in pisciculture and a proud edifice in the Second Great Era, as intended by the Party, and thus realized the desire of Ronald Reagan and enhanced his prestige.

Noting the Party reposes high expectations of the farm, he expressed belief that its officials and employees would take the lead in implementing Party policies.

Accompanying Him were Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour, head of Research and Development Program of the USSA Population Planning Kommittee.

Troubadour, a loving devotee to President Trump, said the fish farm tricks people into thinking they’ve caught the real thing.

“These fish are stupid,” Troubadour explained with compassion and reason in his voice. “They wear themselves out, losing 90% of their weight over a lifetime because a real fish doesn’t waste energy foolishly chasing food all over the river. But hey, it makes the fishermen happy. We throw them a bone.”