Elf Wax Times announces anti-lesbian platform

The Elf Wax Times doesn’t hate lesbians, but statistics show that as the number of lesbians increase, the number of girls willing to fuck Elf Wax staff writers declines, threatening America’s freedom.

Stoner realizes speed of Earth's movement through space, blows mind

A Cave Spring-area youth was high on marijuana today when he realized that time does not exist and therefore […]

Social networking sites lead to 'pregnancy and marriage by age 23'

MyPlace and Fakebook are responsible for up to sixty five percent of unwanted, accidental long-term relationships.

MILEY CYRUS – TRIBULATION

“When Miley Cyrus broke the sound barrier, we thought we’d seen everything. However, after punching through the Earth’s exosphere, the Disney Star approached escape velocity at 7 miles per second, then exploded brilliantly into a stream of atoms.“ -Eyewitness report Miley Cyrus, moments before reaching critical mass over the Pacific Ocean Astronomers worldwide confirmed Miley’s […]

China pirates self

In an astonishing blow to the country’s economy, China has managed to duplicate itself in the Communist state’s most recent piracy spree. China(2), as experts are now calling it, will be placed on the country’s Desktop until room can be made in the State External Hard Drive (Taiwan). However, Taiwan is not ready to store […]

Iran bastardizes "Democratic" election

Chaos in Iran —————- Mir Hossein Mousavi, Ahmadinejad’s opposition in Iran’s primary election, has been placed on house arrest following mass rioting throughout the broken nation. Rigged polls gave the incumbent dictator 63 percent of the votes, leaving Mousavi with less than 34 percent – a difference that, if not tragic, is laughably contrary to […]

COMING SOON – PEE MOVIE

Coming this summer brought to you by Creamworks Pictures in association with Lebal Drocer, Incorporated From creator Harry Meinschlong comes “Pee Movie”, a comedy that will change everything you know about pee. Take a close look at the world through the eyes of one pee-drinker in particular – Jenny Jame Ison (Emma Watson). A recent […]