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News

Black bile pours from its maw

Barack Obama could still read by the light of a yellow-gray sky, which hung low over the White House lawn, dripping black rain into the yawning mouths of scorched, thirsty survivors, who leaned against the cool, metal gates. He was poring over the Bible, holding it close to his face. It was difficult to see. He shouldn’t have looked directly at the blast. He lay the book down on a desk in the bedroom he once shared with the first lady, and removed his reading glasses. He flipped on a light in his private bathroom and, leaning in close with both weak hands on the porcelain sink, he saw himself for the first time through fresh, milky cataracts. Orange accents permeated the president’s pupil. He might have cried if he, too, wasn’t so thirsty. The sink ran cold water over his hands, which he splashed on his lined face. The irradiated water felt so cool against his skin, and then a fiery agony spread through where the water touched. He grabbed at a towel and rubbed it against his face, but the coarse cloth pulled away loose, weak skin. He then used the towel to dab at the blood, and he collapsed into the corner. Alone.

nuclear-cataract

Everyone was sunburnt from the nighttime nuclear strike. Outside, a statehouse clerk drank urine straight from a homeless man’s genitals to quell her own maddening thirst. The sound of high-altitude nuclear detonations offered a soundtrack to the visible, but silent, exoatmospheric nuclear detonations permanently destroying satellite communications around the planet, and which blanketed the continent with electromagnetic pulses of hate, bathing every smartphone in a crippling shower of unsustainable energy. The crisis was solved. The homeless man grinned at the irony, his silver eyes rolled back in his head, and he vomited black bile down the sides of his cheeks. He made no effort to get up, and inhaled the bile into his lungs. He coughed and gasped, but the piss orgasm rendered him blank, and he could not move. He lay there and choked on bile as his internal organs rapidly mutated and purged their contents through the pores in his pocked, blistered body. The clerk watched him peacefully, savoring the moment. She prayed for an equally graceful death.

I sat in my office overlooking Floyd Avenue. Without power and working transportation, I studied the fallout patterns from a 1973 book on what to do if the policy of mutually assured destruction between the Soviets and USA ever unfolded. The aurora from overhead EMPs lit my view.

nuclear-fallout-map

The winds blew east, but the fallout plumes in every direction, the book said, and I imagined that if we still had TV, an emergency broadcast would predict the fallout spread far enough out to sea, that it could later ride a jet stream back over the wind, and penetrate my shitty ventilation. Even still, the bombings would continue. I went to the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face. Some water droplets hit my signed copy of OJ Simpson’s If I Did It, darkening the dusty cover where they hit. I opened the medicine cabinet and rifled through its contents, knocking prescription pill bottles into the sink, antibiotics to cure my roommate’s STI. I found a dull razor blade, broke it in two halves along the rust line, and lay down in the bathtub.

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Entertainment Reviews

Controversial PS4 game ‘will raise a new generation of terrorists’

An all-new flight simulator game from award-winning studio Naughty Dog puts gamers  in the blood-stained cockpit of a freshly hijacked Boeing 747, and teaches them how to efficiently pilot the passenger plane into symbols of Western imperialism like the Twin Towers.

https://youtu.be/h3kA7DkOuJM

The game reportedly simulates the same terrorist act, again and again. According to testers, players will try for the highest death count by selecting their own date and time of attack, and strategically target the weakest points in the towers’ structures to maximize terror.

“Unbelievable,” raves The New York Times.

“Unthinkable … recklessly irresponsible.” — LA Times.

“You can literally keep doing 9/11.” — Internet Chronicle.

Developers at Naughty Dog have high hopes the game’s controversy could boost sales. An emailed early-access invitation advertises a few of the game’s key features: “Raise the alert level to ‘Threat level Orange’ to unlock the game-changing Inside Job power-up and impress your friends by permanently shifting world politics in … somebody’s favor!”

Another line from the email states players gain score multipliers by issuing high profile threats leading up to the attack: “You’re nobody’s fool! The decadent West who gave you so much money before has turned its back on you! Show them you mean Busine$$ by issuing pre-taped taunts and threats on VHS.”

Reaction to the negative press is only in its earliest infancy, as not even Tipper Gore is prepared to manufacture the amount of outrage it is going to take to demonstrate the undoubtedly negative reaction the game is expected to face from teachers, soccer moms, concerned citizens and the CIA.

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Politics

American ruling party composed of dangerous extremists

Hillary ClintonA 40-year coup, the United States is now under the spell of a dangerous cabal of extremist groups calling themselves the Republicans and Democrats. It is unclear who is actually in charge of the group, but sources have confirmed the Republicans and Democrats are sponsored by “global financial backers.”

The group raised alarms after a spate of domestic and international terrorism left the economy in shambles and many jobless and without vital services, such as medical care.

Emerging warlords named “Hillary Clinton” and “Jeb Bush” are vying for leadership in the powerful global terrorist organization, while hundreds of millions of American moderates look on in horror as their livelihoods are compromised by terroristic anarcho-capitalists in the Republicans and Democrats.

“I just hope I can still breathe clean air,” said Paula Morrison, a registered Independent voter from Virginia. “Because it smells so bad like bullshit around here you can’t even go to the store without being overcome by it all. Hillary loves the banks, and Bush loves…whatever the fuck Jeb Bush loves, I don’t know.”

An extremist subgroup cling to hope of a fringe Democrat calling himself “Bernie Sanders,” and for some reason are choosing to ignore that he, too, is a powerful ruling elite belonging to the dangerous NGO, the Republicans and the Democrats.

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In other news, the war continues.