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Uncontrollable Patriotism

#ISIS joins Al Qaeda in mutual promise to deliver Ebola virus to USA

Wash. D.C.—Not to be pushed into obscurity, Al Qaeda has teamed up again with #ISIS  to deliver the deadliest biological weapon known to man: Living Ebola carriers who are not yet symptomatic will bring the virus from Africa to the United States by exploiting dangerous flaws in airport security.

Once thought to be a Western myth, ISIS was originally kicked out of the Al Qaeda terror-ring for being “too extreme.” But desperate times call for desperate crimes, according to the world’s biggest Muslim, President Barack Hussein Obama. And Al Qaeda’s back, and blacker than ever.

“Conventional warfare is no longer hip,” Obama said Wednesday. “If Al Qaeda’s going to keep up, they’re going to have to play by a whole new set of fucked up rules.”

The new wave of terror, dubbed by the President as “Terror 3.0,” is spearheaded by a Canadian sleeper cell bearing direct ties to #ISIS. Rumor has it they had plans to attack a Parliamentary building in Ottawa, however there is no evidence to suggest they carried out their idle, meaningless threats. Still, Obama has said, the new terrorists do not need sleep. They persist without food, air or water. They are white ghosts behind the black, ink-stained pages of pure, unwritten history.

“The terrorist is a grim-faced lunatic who wants nothing more than to destroy freedom by instilling fears into the hearts of good, white American people, and exterminate babies out of hatred for life itself,” Obama said. “They eat clean coal for breakfast and sweat concentrated, crude oil. Just one glance from one of these Jihadist maniacs can turn even our bravest soldiers into stone.”

The president, who has already spoken out against the terrorist organization’s heinous crimes against babies, sparked controversy again by mandating forcible, rape-like anal searches for every man, woman, and especially child, coming into the US via airplane.

“I want fingers in every hole,” the President dictated. “There will be the gnashing of teeth. There will be … tribulation.”

President Obama prepares to enter his final form.

And with the last breath of his final, ominous warning, the President of the United States exploded into a cloud of bats, enveloping the front row of the White House Press Corps, and carried them to Mount Vesuvius where torture awaits lost souls.

The devil is coming, scripture reads. The Antichrist is borne of hatred and paranoid superstition. And he’s looking you right in the eyes, promising a better tomorrow in 2016.

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Health

CDC knowingly let Ebola carrier travel: patient says US Gov. intentionally exposed Americans to deadly virus

NSA ‘second leaker’ says American CDC complicit in ‘conspiracy’ to spread Ebola virus. Former NSA contractor Edward Snowden confirmed the existence of a second leaker in September but said he acted alone.
NSA ‘second leaker’ says American CDC complicit in ‘conspiracy’ to spread Ebola virus. Former NSA contractor Edward Snowden confirmed the existence of a second leaker in September but said he acted alone.

DALLAS—As Ebola blooms in the United States, leaked emails suggest an insidious scheme to facilitate its spread throughout the nation.

Chilling new documents describe a real-life nightmare scenario intentionally unleashed on American citizens by the very agencies in whom we place our trust.

An aide to a health official who spoke on condition of anonymity has already confirmed the American Center for Disease Control, or CDC, are complicit in a state bioterrorism plot to unleash #Ebola on the American people. But how far does the conspiracy go?

Alana Horowitz reported Dallas Ebola patient Amber Vinson said the CDC directly gave her explicit permission to fly, fully aware of her condition ahead of time. She came into contact with more than 120 people and an entire staff of nurses at the Dallas hospital.

The hospital recently released a report noting that they are “underprepared” for an epidemic, yet the CDC waited three days to send hospital staff proper protective suits. Still, because hospital staff did not know how to properly remove and decontaminate the suits, the virus was allowed to spread.

Another patient spoke directly to CDC officials, who were aware of his condition, and they told him to sit outside in the waiting room with at least 30 other patients. He spent four hours moving around freely while health officials knew he had the disease.

Inside sources have already hinted that there are at least 12 new cases of Ebola the media has not yet reported, because they under federal orders not to say anything until the CDC can verify the virus has had enough time to spread.

As for why they would do it, there is no clear answer yet. Dr. Angstrom H. Trebolda, Assistant Director of the Hazmonic Health Institute in Colorado, said the CDC could be conducting open-air experiments to see how the public reacts to epidemics, or it could be a scare tactic to justify a growing need for FEMA expansion and domestic militarization.

“I think they want to know just what might happen,” Trebolda said. “It almost makes you mad our government would even consider this. They are shit-testing us with this Tuskegee experiment mentality, but we are human beings. Many people still don’t have health care, but there’s no profit to be made from curing the disease. It is a wide open experiment.”

President Obama has already ordered SWAT raids on Ebola patients and their families in Akron, Ohio, where the disease was confirmed Wednesday.

CHRONICLE.SU UPDATE – [EDITOR’S EDITION]: FOX NEWS’ SHEP SMITH COOPERATING WITH GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACY TO HARM ITS OWN PEOPLE. SHEP SHAMES HIS OWN STATION:

Ebola panic is ‘not worth ratings … and we all need to stop it’ (click image for full story)

FOX NEWS Shep Smith says Ebola coverage a ‘waste of time and panic.’
FOX NEWS Shep Smith says Ebola coverage a ‘waste of time and panic.’

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Technology

New Microsoft boss did “so much” cocaine prior to Windows 10 announcement: “We’re skipping 9″

“I did THIS MUCH cocaine.” — New MS boss Satya Nadella announced at a business event that he can not feel his hands

In an unprecedented act of self-hatred, Microsoft has announced it will distance itself from the hilariously bad Windows 8 by refusing to name the next build generation Windows 9.

“Windows 10 will be so fucking badass,” a visibly AMPED Terry Myerson, head of the operating systems group, told the audience. “It would be pretty fucked up to call it Windows 9. Is it hot in here to you?”

The company said users were hesitant to click big empty tiles that only took them to websites to buy software and media content, which was of course loaded onto the “real” Windows experience, with the taskbar on the bottom of the screen and the Windows button, prompting many to question why there were tiles at all.

“We tried to get people to click on Tiles and buy stuff to put in their tiles but nobody wanted that shit. It was patronizing, ugly, and very fucking pointless,” a totally psyched Satya Nadella, new Microsoft boss, said. “I mean, Jesus Christ, how are you guys not burning up in this heat?”

“All the even numbered Windows builds suck, and all the odd-numbered builds did very well,” Nadella said. “So in light of the miserable, ass-sucking failure that is Microsoft Windows 8, we hope to recover from our missteps by skipping Windows 9 altogether and going straight to 10. Ladies and gentlemen, that’s how much cocaine I just did. Now for fuck’s sake, will someone turn on the god damn AC?”

Comments:

asshurtmacfags:
fucking AMPED
sweating like a BOSS

hatesec:
I can see that guy doing coke in his underwear
talkin about how AWESOME Windows 9 is gonna be.
and then it comes to him
“Dude, you know what? Fuck it.”
“What Satya?”
“Just, fuck it. Get this: Windows *10*.”
and the room explodes into a roar
people get on the phone ordering more 8 balls
everybody’s got their faces down on the table
Windows 10, my fucking sweet GOD