Health News

McDonald’s allows employees in Denver to vaporize marijuana

T̙̜̦̦hͅḙy͎͉̙͔'͙͔̜̫r͈e̯͙̠̪̤̦ͅ ̯̟ͅgeͅṭ̱t̲ͅin̦̘g̳̙̱͉̫ ̜̯͕̹̼ͅh̜͚̯̫i͓̩̝̞̰͖̤g̤ͅh̝͉̮, ͉̫̬̮̳͉̞r̝̖̭e͍̼̯͇̖͔ͅa̗͔͈͙l̰̝̣̯̮͙̳l͉̞̣̗͕̥ỵ̲̟ ̬̥͕̺̝h̤i̳̰g̗̪̤h̩̲͖̹.͍͍ W̻̺h͉ͅi͚̙̝l̳̪͚̼͓e̠̪̥͔̲͈ ̯̰̞̲̱͍o͚n̦̝̭̺̟ ̪̰̘̠ț̣̖he ̘͚̹̭̤jo͈͙b̬͓̞͙.

DENVER- Offices across America have begun to allow indoor use of “e-cigs,” the popular battery-powered nicotine vaporizers. Medical marijuana patients employed at McDonald’s corporate office in Denver complained it was unfair for them to now step outside, provided they use the same vaporizer technology for their entirely non-recreational drug-taking.

Critics are fearful that marijuana will become a “normal” part of American life, and this is just one more step down the slippery-slope to a nation of people who sit around in front of televisions eating way too much food while actually laughing at Family Guy.

Medicinal Marijuana patient and Human Resource official for McDonalds Sidney McSherron said, “My days at work sitting on the computer watching YouTube are just that much better now.”


A Message from CommanderX: I Love Massa Paid Troll th3j35t3r

My name is CommanderX of Anonymous fame, or at least, that’s who I tell people I am. Lately I’ve been having a bit of an identity crisis, and there are a few things I need you to understand.

See, yesterday, I put out this fatwa against anyone who would dare engage in cyberattacks against the U.S. on 9/11. I was deliberately vague about “cyberattacks.” I might have meant denial-of-service attacks. I might have meant sophisticated attacks on SCADA systems. Nobody knows.

I get to use computer security terms as imprecisely and incorrectly as I want. You’ve gotta grant me poetic license because I’m the feared commander of the PLF. Also, I don’t really know what I meant by “the U.S.” Kinda just stuck that one out there to chill any acts of Internet dissent. Heed that and heed that good, OPBart retards.

The other thing I mentioned is that I would cooperate with paid troll th3j35t3r in righteous retaliation against any lame ass peons who would dare engage in a “cyberattack” on “the U.S.” on 9/11. I also asked massa paid troll th3j35t3r to kindly, out of his deep benevolence, stop attacking my secondary domain.

Now, I’m not really sure how I’ll attack you if you fuck with America on 9/11 since I can’t even put massa paid troll th3j35t3r in his place for attacking my secondary domain, but be warned and be warned good. And don’t ask me to authenticate my identity either. Officially, as of now, I’m continuing with my plan to going into hiding in the wake of some arrest or something to scare you and further chill your Internet actions. Don’t fuck with America.

Also, fuck you queers who say that the real America has already been anally destroyed by a set of private interests that have appropriated the name “America.” Stand down. America is what it is. And you can be damn sure that I’m gonna defend it as supreme leader of the People’s Liberation Front, that radical cyberguerilla group.

All Anon– I mean PLF members — are ordered to stand down now!


P.S. All hail the omnipotence of massa paid troll th3j35t3r