Category: Hate

Hello, I’m Andrew Breitbart and my mother abandoned me.

I was adopted by a liberal family of Jews and still have a chip on my shoulder. However, I have seen the light of homophobia and Tea Party Christianity.

I have more websites than Alex Jones. Like him, I know how to run this internet stuff. I own BigHollywood.com, BigGovernment.com, BigJournalism.com, and BigPeace.com. I hate things that are big. That’s why I destroyed Anthony Weiner and Shirley Sherrod.

By publishing Anthony Weiner’s big cock all over the internet, I forced him to resign. Us Tea Party patriots hate big cocks, and it’s really Weiner’s fault for not keeping that shit secret. My next web site will be BigCocks.com, which I will dedicate to pictures of liberals with big cocks.

I took down Shirley Sherrod because she had such a big mouth. You see, I understand that Shirley Sherrod isn’t a bad person, and she only meant to teach and not offend. She presented an example of her own racism as regrettable behavior. She’s got such a big mouth, and that’s worse than actually being racist.

Now this guy on Twitter, @ShadowMindGear, keeps trolling me. I don’t know how he does it, but every single time he mentions me I am literally forced to retweet what he says. It’s like he’s got some kind of magical power over my Twitter account and I don’t like it. It looks like he’s a part of Anonymous or something, I don’t know. Maybe I should start a web site called BigInternet.com to get rid of these trolls from Anonymous.

Well ladies, we hit the debt ceiling, and we hit it hard. I think. I guess we’ll all find out later today. So what are we looking at? Recession? Inflation? Oh, I think I have an idea, it’s so simple. All we have to do is invade Iran, North Korea, and Pakistan, exploit their natural resources, and that should pay our electric bill for another month. I mean, it worked before, right? All the war-mongering paid off, RIGHT?! Apparently some assholes are profiting from all this war, but not the people fighting it. Game over man, game over.

Who else loves the Tea Party as much as i do?!?!

If the Tea Party doesn’t get a candidate in office in 2012 I’m shipping off to Canada. If anyone can save us from the cluthces of Frobama, it’s the Tea Party. Herman Cain and Michele “Gacy” Bachmann together, for the win. We’re in trouble of becoming TOO successful. America hasn’t peaked, and it’s up to us, the voters, to make it happen. Join me in my undying support for all Tea Party candidates! They’re our only chance.

Imagine my dear readers, a country ruled by Jesus himself through his earhtly embodiment, the Tea Party. Sheeps will lay with lions, and everyone will be celibate. No more STDs, no more crimes, and no more wars – oh wait – scratch that last one. We must prevail over the evil specter of Islam and take the oil G-d really meant for us to have in the first place. The US of A is G-D’S country, and G-d is tired of being in fucking debt! Donate all your money to Tea Party Nation.org.

I’m not sure this debt ceiling thing is even real at all. So you’re telling me, Washington, that we can be 14.5 trillion in debt, but not 14.6? G-d forbid!