Category: Editorial

ANON NEWS WORLD–Today, “dox” were dropped on the wrong John Rubenstein. In lay-speak that means the e-mail address, home address, and home phone number of John Rubenstein from Backtrace Security was published. Thing is, we contacted the John Rubenstein who owned the published phone number, a retired man aged 83. He is very concerned about ever being able to contact his children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren again. His phone has been ringing into the night, but he continues to answer, eagerly hoping each young voice is one of his grandchildren. He had never heard of Backtrace Security until we mentioned it. He has since unplugged all his phones.

You see, Backtrace is just trying to imprison Anon’s most hated enemies. Leaders. These leaders have led naive adolescent Anons to make enemies of the US Military, foreign powers and dangerous legal entities like Scientology and the Westboro Baptist Church. They deserved to get “doxed” too. Backtrace is the chaos fighting back, the act of someone who was prepared for the wrath of Anonymous. Like us here at the Chronicle, the only retribution Anonymous can inflict upon Backtrace will skyrocket the right John Rubenstein into the exosphere of success.

You’re an Anon. Let’s face it, no one understands you. No one except Chronicle.SU. No one outside gets the world inside of the internet, the hivemind. It is not just one collective, but thousands of permutating spinoffs of the most active and savvy users. It is clear that some political actions have begun to manifest through what is called “Anonymous.” We here at the Chronicle mock and ridicule this so-called “hactivism” because we can. We don’t believe you’re activists, or even hackers. You are mostly glorified spammers and trolls who can rarely succeed without help from others. Now you’re too dumb to even realize it, but people like Barrett Brown try to steal the name of Anonymous and attach their individual ideas on top of it. Most of them are admins continuously correcting others in IRC. When they can’t correct someone’s ideas, they kick or ban them and call them a troll. If you hadn’t noticed, the views of the Chronicle are completely contradictory, subversive and chaotic. Our primary goal is to destroy anyone who would become a leader in Anonymous. Anonymous is not a meritocracy, it is chaos being hijacked for Politics.

We created Chronicle.SU nearly 5 years ago for teh lulz. We still stick to the lulz, but we have found a higher level of lulz based on the moral principle of destroying morals within anonymous. Morals are the symptom of leadership and not a reflection of a consensus. It’s okay that we have leaders. We’re not the same kind of beast that Anonymous is. The problem with leaders in Anonymous is that the sheep don’t even realize when they are being led. Sure you have the option not to participate, but don’t so many Anons just use LOIC out of boredom? Anons are always shopping for targets and doing it using the world’s largest honeypot IRC server. I urge all Anons under the age of 18 to refrain from participating in anonymous. Remember, your parents will bear ultimate responsibility when the Party Van comes. Yes, that is correct. Your parents will be V& with you. You are days, weeks, or months away from mass Vannings in America. The die has been cast!

Increasingly purposeful and socially active, Anonymous has allegedly and finally turned its hate machine against itself. No longer chaotic or anarchic, some “oldfags” have become disillusioned with the state of Anon. One ex-member that goes by the pseudonym of “Hubris” has infiltrated what used to be Anonymous and claims to have achieved what Aaron Barr only dreamed of doing. Hubris has formed an organization called “Backtrace Security” which has threatened to publish the personal information of Anons who led many operations deemed “moralfaggotry.” It is readily apparent that Anonymous now stands for what Anonymous once hated. For those who have been long involved, there are very few lulz to be had. Little more than a Legion of fail hackers who aren’t even very good troll food, the final division has arrived.

The sub-set of Anonymous consisting of “moralfag” script kiddies are too afraid to DDoS Wisconsin’s government web sites. This Anonymous has become so truly irrelevant that participation can only drop off massively. Hubris, who thinks he has found a viable business model by taking advantage of stupid kids will also be in for a shock. Backtrace security may find that no one will want to pay an anonymous individual who only deals in betrayal.

All layers of Anonymous have been hit with waves of paranoia that are masked with hopes that this is more Anon-trolling. Some refuse to propagate the fear and consider Backtrace an act of hilarious trolling meant to discredit Forbes. The most hopeful Anons believe that Hubris is just another of Kilgore Trout’s many alternate identities. Kilgore Trout was reached for interview, but made no comment. Hubris, however, was reached. He commented to Chronicle.SU with the famed line: “I did it for the lulz.”