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Michele Bachmann believes Elvis is still alive

On Wednesday, Michele Bachmann declared that Elvis was still alive and wished him a happy rebirth. A recent study showed that Republicans are just plain wrong a shocking 93% of the time. Analysts noted this figure is somewhat inflated because of Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin, whose wrongness creates an impossible mathematical scenario which relies on imaginary numbers.

Welcome to BizarroAmerica

  • Michele Bachmann is the prominent constitutional scholar in Congress
  • John Wayne and John Wayne Gacey are the same person
  • Tractor drivers in Texas need a commercial license just to cross the road
  • Elvis was reborn on the day he died
  • John Quincy Adams is our founding father
  • Thirty percent of medical workers quit their job when Obamacare passed
  • Lexington and Concord are in New Hampshire
  • There are 3,400 people working for the Mainstream Media, and they all work for Obama
  • John Huntsman thinks Michele Bachmann is a hottie
  • The camera is over this way, Michele
  • The swine flu only occurs under democratic administrations
  • President Obama wants reeducation camps for young people
  • Gas prices are up because Obama decreased domestic energy production
  • Paul Revere’s famous ride warned the British of their imminent failure
  • The US government wasn’t going to default
  • Rick Perry isn’t white enough to be president

[pullquote] “I just hate it when people correct me, so I sympathize with the Republican party.” ~ Joe Sixpack[/pullquote]Before you rush to Wikipedia and rewrite history, think about what the real purpose of all this wrongness is. We can only assume that Michele Bachmann is purposefully wrong as much as possible, capitalizing on those who correct her. Sarah Palin, on the other hand, is sadly just that dumb. Female politicians in the Republican party get ahead with wrongness, drawing on the sympathy of their male constituents who all love and control the votes of their wives. Recall the scene from Sarah Palin’s Alaska, where she desperately clung to a rock wall for 45 minutes in a panic. Upon overcoming her fear, her husband climbed the cliff within 10 minutes and then laughed in her incompetent face.

This gets votes.

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Liebin.com leads to unprecedented hackfaggotry

Liebin - Your #1 source for Lies since 1992!

Want to get something off your chest and onto the interwebs? Wanna d0x an enemy anonymously? Tired of being written off as a troll? Do you just need attention? If you answered yes to any of these questions you need to spread your hateful disinformation with liebin.com, the interweb’s newest, most exciting place for hackfags to snitch on eachother, dump innocent people’s information, and post made-up IRC logs.

A team of expert sociologists at Lebal Drocer, Inc., created liebin.com as a place for enlightened minds to gather in secret and discuss plans to further world domination of the open internet, but we tripped acid and decided to make it public.

Some very interesting posts have already been made, including one by well-known hackfag, Th3J35st3r. His post was titled “Why I am better than Anonymous” and here it is:

I’m better than anonymous because even though we both hack anyone we disagree with,  Anonymous isn’t as polite about it as I am. They use profanity and propagate memes to attract young people for jail cover. I work alone. That’s really why I’m better than Anonymous.

 

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News Obituaries

Fred Phelps murdered by Michele Bachmann

For Michele Bachmann, it was kill or be killed.

Late Thursday, Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church had his eyes clawed out by Michele Bachmann. Plans for his funeral have been made, but talk of protests are already spreading. As the man who pioneered funeral protest as a form of free speech, much celebration is expected. Veteran’s advocacy groups have already begun organizing a demonstration for Fred Phelps’ funeral.

“I plan on grilling up some steaks, drinking a few beers, waving some hateful signs, and just generally having a good time at this funeral,” commented one veteran, as he waved his bus ticket at our reporters. “I’ve been ready for this shit for years!”

Bachmann’s lawyers have stated the deadly conflict started as a simple biblical dispute. Phelps believed that God hates all fags unconditionally, whereas Bachmann pushed the idea that God only despised fags who haven’t sought forgiveness for their faggotry. What seemed to onlookers as a bitter sexual assault from Bachmann quickly turned deadly for Phelps.

Fred Phelps’ daughter, Shirley Phelps-Roper, has moved forward plans to protest the protest of her father’s funeral, stating “I should have seen this faggotry coming. Typical faggot move. By the way, Anonymous is a bunch of faggots.” Anonymous was reached, and not a single fuck was given.

Our prophets have reached God Almighty, on high, as he watches these events from outside of time and space. Although his grace is impossible to translate into our infinitely inexpressive language, our prophets have made their best attempt.

“I’m glad Bachmann tore that old man’s eyes out, but he was right about one thing. I hate faggotry. Bachmann and Phelps are both faggots. America’s forgotten what I did to Sodom and Gomorrah. The bible was mostly made up by a bunch of faggots who I hate, and if it’s interpreted as anything but a hateful document, it leads to this kind of bullshit. I am God and I hate faggots like Fred Phelps.”