Category: News

Shit happens.

axisflip cryptofinancial

Categories
News

Pirate Party illegal in Germany

Two days before elections in Bremen, the Pirate Party’s internet servers were seized by police for criminal investigation. This application of police force is justified by allegations that Anonymous used a free co-authoring service, PiratenPad, which is located on the Pirate Party’s servers. Anonymous occasionally uses this service to coauthor treatises, press releases, and other documents. 4chan, the central command of Anonymous, remains outside of German jurisdiction.

Clearly, Anonymous has become a worldwide terrorist threat in the eyes of European and American government. To associate legitimate movements for internet freedom with Anonymous is a predictable tactic. However, the disturbing seizure of the Pirate Party’s web servers reveals a fatal error in German democracy. The sixth largest political party in Germany is the victim of a completely illegal political attack that it may never recover from.

The use of force to silence legitimate political movements is itself an act of terrorism aimed at the base of democracy. One wonders if the electorate might become infected with sockpuppets voting under realistic identities, as the internet has. If it is permitted for businesses and government to weaponize social media in order to shift public opinion, why not cut to the chase and use the same technology to rig the vote?

Voting for the Pirate Party will give authorities the right to seize your computers and raid your home for Guy Fawkes masks. If a single mask is found, you and your family will be imprisoned without trial, indefinitely. One day you’ll wake up in Guantanamo bay, where your favorite books will be defiled by grinning American soldiers as you lie naked on a concrete floor.

 

 

axisflip cryptofinancial

Categories
News Sports

Planking meme turns deadly!

The early stages of radiation insanity taking hold.

In the months following the Fukushimi Daiichi disaster, a thick layer of invisible radiation began to affect the minds of the people of Australia. The so-called “internet meme” of planking is a Psy-Op misinformation campaign to neutralize evidence of irradiated minds of millions. It is also an extreme sport.

As people are drawn into the vicious cycle of photographing increasingly extreme planking, they begin to engage in suicidal behavior. The meaning behind a million views on the internet is, in many cases, greater than the planker’s mortality.

Do not attempt extreme planking without proper training.

Planking reveals the unconscious desire for an early death. With its first death in the news, planking will become a worldwide obsession as the radiation eats our brains. The most extreme sport of all time: assuming the position of a corpse in increasingly more dangerous places. Acton Beale, the first death of the sport, is a legend whose courageous planking will be remembered forever.

Meanwhile, the government of Australia has condemned planking. Following the suit of New Zealand, Australia plans to enact legislation that will force internet surveillance on all planking activity. It also allows the government of Australia to spy on anyone who posts a picture containing a body in a “mostly rigid” posture.

RIP, Acton Beale

Acton Beale’s final planking stunt was closed-casket, so as not to encourage more planking. However, his funeral was not devoid of planking. For the first time in history, a gravestone was planked.

Such extreme planking is dangerous not only to the planker, but the motorists beneath.

Since the death of Beale, Planking has reached dangerous new heights. Some plankers have taken to planking over interstates, and crocodile pits. Some have taken to planking on increasingly sharp surfaces in increasingly effective attempts at impaling themselves. Planking while drunk or on drugs provides a great rush, as well as planking on railroad tracks. Certainly, planking is the world’s fastest growing extreme sport. The limits of planking have not yet been imagined.

axisflip cryptofinancial

Categories
Hate Technology World

Ryan Cleary, Anonymous infiltrator, now official leader of Anonymous amid post-Civil-War fugue

All of the sudden, the United States Government is faced with an information problem it didn’t anticipate. The anti-American threat of anonymously submitted documents from WikiLeaks has forced evil politicians to engage weaponized sockpuppets obtained from HBGary in order to create the dual-purpose Anonymous collective.

Anonymous serves both as a honeypot for enterprising young hackers and as a Psy-Op aimed at discrediting any anonymously submitted documents of the foreseeable future. When Anonymous sprung to defend WikiLeaks, the government engaged its sockpuppet army. HBGary was actually a red herring tossed out by the Government and jumped on by a rabid press. The untrustworthy Anonymous was waving a bunch of stolen e-mails that proved exactly the kind of social weaponry America was deploying. The mainstream media ignored this story and Anonymous was put out of mind.

At some point, a character known only as “Ryan Cleary” began to participate in the administration of AnonOps. He played the part of a young, resourceful hacker with the realistic fault of a hot temper. Most Anons believe Ryan infiltrated Anonymous either for a corporate entity, a criminal organization, or the Federal Government.

George Hotz, the famous iPhone and PS3 hacker, drew the sympathy of Anonymous. A relatively tiny group of around one hundred supported DDoSing Sony’s video game servers, so it was done. Bot-nets created and employed by AnonOps administrators shut down PSN for an entire day, with no real need for the LOIC except to implicate criminals. Somebody somewhere allegedly used the cover of this attack to steal the personal data of a hundred million people. The security was suspiciously relaxed, as if it was a trap, as if some power wanted Anonymous to make the wrong move. A calling card appearing to be from Anonymous was supposedly recovered by Sony, who may have hacked themselves just to profit off of endless downtime.

Anonymous has largely abandoned both AnonOps and AnonNews after “Ryan Cleary” went crusading with his bot-net. Official statements by Anonymous have called all hackers to join their movement. Of course, Anonymous has denied all knowledge of the personal data theft from PSN. Meanwhile, “Ryan Cleary” has accessed all the personal data stored on AnonOps, published it, and claimed to be more Anonymous than AnonOps is. The sockpuppet army has widely applauded “Ryan Cleary” and his success, making him the new leader of Anonymous. His unnatural abilities, shadowy motives, and god-like ability to act with complete impunity has helped him ride the wave of discontent to the helm of Anonymous. Who is “Ryan Cleary”? Is he from Sony? Is he a criminal from Eastern Europe? Is he an FBI agent? The sockpuppet army has gone insane with speculation.