President Donald Trump graced Fifth Avenue Thursday for the greatly anticipated shooting of “Human Scum” Mitt Romney. In a glamorous gold lamais suit encrusted with diamonds and holstering a beautiful damascened Confederate revolver once owned by Robert E. Lee, the president stoked the bloodthirsty crowd for the world’s first televised duel, “They’re worse than Dems, these Never Trumpers! You know what we used to do, what we’re going to do today?” The masses erupted in screams, like beatlemania.

Senator Romney arrived to the duel unarmed, handcuffed and somber, as his entire family watched on, shamed by the meaningless and honorless death at the hands of the Great and Wise Genius Donald Trump.

Post-duel polls showed that former Never-Trumpers were powerfully moved by the display of noble violence to near unanimous support for the President, finally eliminating the threat of “Dems” and their phony attempt to exercise their Fake Constitutional powers of impeachment.

After the fantastic duel, Trump pointed at the cameras, calling out Rap God Eminem, “You’re Next, Eminem. I heard what you said about My Ivanka, and MY police will bring you to Fifth Avenue next week, for another episode of Duels with the President.”

Television Critics hailed this shooting as the greatest moment on television. Neil Breitbart said, “Never before has a President dealt so handily with Human Scum!” Television ratings scales were readjusted to handle the massive numbers raked in by the premiere of Duels with the President, and Fox executives are in talks with Trump for a trillion dollar deal for next season, which may be filmed at Mar-A-Lago at taxpayer expense.

Fans speculate that in the ten-episode season this fall Trump will execute Chuck Schumer and other political enemies, leading up to a public lynching of Hillary Clinton or possibly Bernie Sanders.

INTERNET — In an exclusive tip, Internet Chronicle reporters learned that the Anonymous whistleblower at the heart of the President Trump’s latest scandal is none other than “QAnonymous,” an intelligence agent with the highest levels of security clearance. The Anonymous tipster, who claimed to be a personal friend of ‘Q’, also told Internet Chronicle reporters an explosive detail: Trump has referred to the now infamous national security computer system as his “Hillary Server,” and used it to hide hundreds of documents from the public. Included on Trump’s “Hillary Server” are several lurid phone call transcripts between the President and Jeffrey Epstein.

Before evidence against Epstein’s pedophile ring reached the general public — thanks to the diligent efforts of ‘Q’ and his online army of supporters, President Trump was meeting in secret with Epstein and his personal lawyer, Alan Dershowitz, discussing an arrangement by which Trump could pull strings to get the billionaire pedophile a “sweetheart deal” in exchange for help dodging the Mueller Investigation. At that time, even ‘Q’ wasn’t aware of Trump’s “Hillary Server,” and dismissed connections between Epstein and Trump like most intelligent people. However, after ‘Q’ gained knowledge of and access to the “Hillary Server,” a crisis of conscience caused him to file the whistleblower complaint.

Using a voice-changer to hide his identity, Q’s personal friend told Internet Chronicle, “Now I know as well as anyone that there’s no comms outside the boards, but ‘Q’ said this was The Storm. And I mean that, The Storm. I am not talking for him, and you’ll hopefully hear more from him on this soon, but this was just too important, too earth-shaking for me to keep to myself. ‘Q’ was practically doxed by the New York Times, and I fear for his life. I can assure you, The Storm is Here. Right Now. This is IT!”

Adding to the explosive claims, the tipster said, “It took three years for the elite globalist pedophile cabal to compromise Trump, but it looks like they finally got to him. Saw something on the Hillary Server about a deepfake piss tape, they held his ass over a barrel and had no choice. As for me and ‘Q’ you don’t have to worry. Give me Liberty or give me Death!”