London—420chan discord user Elaine Miller, or Trollcow – a lolcow sensation who spun her victimhood into a narrative of countertrolling – seems to have turned her life around, even if she still walks the same circles knee deep in the rotten troll-or-be-trolled quagmire where she resides.
Kiwifarms and its like-minded cyberstalker collectives are daunting arenas for the faint of heart. But that is not all Miller has overcome. For her, life in the crosshairs was both figurative, and literal.
Within the last few years Miller claims to have suffered – and recovered – from the devastating effects of Havana Syndrome, a psychological and physiological sickness whose effects were first experienced en masse by American embassy workers in Cuba.
Microwave and other directed energy weapon attacks can stop the heart, according to research by the Internet Chronicle Institute of International Espionage in Northern Virginia.
Who targeted her and why, as well as the aftermath, fallout, and lessons learned would have been up for discussion on the Sept. 2 episode of Hate Radio AM. Unfortunately, Trollcow went dark and was nowhere to be found at the time of airing.
With Miller effectively silenced, the program would have to continue without her invaluable input and experiences as a targeted individual surviving, and recovering from, the mysterious Havana Syndrome.
BREAKING NEWS UPDATE
Elaine Miller has been found.
She was sleeping. Upon waking she floated effortlessly into Studio Hate on a pillow of howling rage. In her chronicle.su in-depth exclusive, Trollcow recounts life with Havana Syndrome, Josh Moon of Kiwifarms, the tragic and mysterious death of Martin Skinner, and the strange, still-unexplained medical devices the two were made to wear.
An Historically Accurate Picture of Life on the American Frontier
The year is 1850. The nation is young, as Lady Liberty battles the Indian menace, and Americans tame the land.
The Internet Chronicle is awake to the struggle, therefore this history is not written by the so-called victors.
While defending from foreign invaders, Comanche leader Shot Hutcheson and his team of savages had been tracking a ragtag group of explorers, led by snake oil salesman Angstrom H. Troubadour, Sr.
Do not let his job title fool you. Selling snake oil was – at that time – an honorable, and lucrative profession.
“We were mastering a form of tantric masturbation that is so good, the body would never need or want to jerk off again,” Troubadour said. “That’s just how good it was.”
The legend goes that Hutcheson wanted that formula not only for himself, but for his nation, too. The white man’s swagger, he noted, was undeniable.
“I thought to myself, let’s see if they still have that swagger without their horses,” Hutcheson said, “in the desert heat, with no food to eat, no water to drink. With nothing else but their precious, essential oils.”
Unfortunately, Troubadour and his team of honkies would lose their horses early on, after Comanche scouts crept into their encampments, cut the reigns, and scared the beasts of burden away with war-like yipping and howling, as well as by firing the rifles they’d wrenched away from the dead hands of European frontiersman. Many killed themselves with those very guns, because they knew that to die by their own hands was better than being captured alive by Comanche scouts.
Hutcheson and his unit tracked the marooned team of imperialist merchants, mercenaries and explorers from the hills.
“We followed them for nearly 200 miles until the first of the frontiersmen collapsed in the desert. Soon, more followed,” Hutcheson said. “We had them fucked up good.”
For several more weeks that remained true, until the night of the final attack.
Beauregarde Troubadour Senior, ancient war technique: “Silence your opponent with a life-stopping kick to the heart!”
Dr. Beauregard “Angstrom” H. Troubadour, Esq. first became enamored with the idea of stopping the heart by kicking someone in the chest, after learning the location of the human heart in Apothecary School. “That’s where it is?” he asked. “I bet one swift kick in the spurs would take care of that.”
Troubadour narrowly escaped defeat as he began to administer controlled, medical kicks to the heart.
“I was battling my Indian opponents when I realized I could jeopardize their savage enterprise to paralyze and end my life if only I localized one life-stopping kick to the heart,” Troubadour said. “I just started kicking.”
“I just started kicking.” During a single incident Troubadour kicked more than 75 people to death. Engraving by the late Louise Troubadour.
Over the ensuing battle, while sick and dehydrated, overheating, and failing from exhaustion, historians estimate that Troubadour kicked to death more than 75 enemy combatants.
Many, found with sternums caved in, appeared to have died from a single blow to the heart.
Military historians have brought word of the technique to the attention of high-ranking generals in the American armed forces.
General Gh. Kennedy of the US Army said modern strategy is built on the wars of the past.
“Science is bullshit hocus pocus anyway, so we’re looking to history to inform and enhance the global atrocities we want to commit today,” he said. “A single kick to the heart, huh? Just think of what those fucked up, kicking dogs from Boston Dynamics could do with that data. We in the Army–and I know folks in the State Department–are enthusiastic about this new mode of killing.”
Detractors have expressed concerns that women and minorities have fallen pray to the Troubadour lineage, arguing that the family should not be lionized. One academic said Troubadour, Sr. should have been hanged for his role in multiple American genocides.
Crane Course, 59, is Professor Emeritus of Women’s Studies at Lebal Drocer University. He gives lectures that place him squarely at the focus of the material, making everything about himself, and his office hours extend well into the night. Course says the manner in which Troubadour, Sr. treated the Native population was “barbaric beyond words,” and he added that they also did not treat their women very well.
“I would have been much nicer to everyone,” Course said. “Especially the women. I am often reminded of the John Lennon quote. What women are, to the world. Me? I do not see women like that. I would have been good to them.”
Course said his appearance in this story, much like his overall existence, feels a little pinned on at the end, but he said he is grateful for the work, and loves any exposure.
“Women need to understand I’m more than a tail,” he said. “I’m the whole donkey.”
Editor’s Note: Dr. Troubadour does not accept HMO, medicare, medicaid or Humana insurance. He is a cruel, calculating businessman who only cares about YOUR health.
The smiles on my client’s faces are the only credentials I need.
SWEETWATER—Hi I’m Angstrom Troubadour, promoting the concept of splitting my personality off, and inserting intentions between two different bodies, which is how I’m able to be here, to tell you, Dr. Troubadour says do a lot of drugs over the weekend so you’re still high on Monday morning.
Now why don’t you lay back on that table. Let me and Dr. Troubadour open up your source code.
How’s that grab you sweetheart?
Dr. Troubadour is a licensed professional in ALL 50 STATES. He is insured. Bonded!
Let Lebal Drocer be your light this Holiday Season (mid-June) as you venture deeper into the goblin cave systems, ignoring the lull of gnomes and their sweet little voices.
How does that stuff your socking?
Don’t answer that! Listen to what I’ve got to say. Hi everyone, I’m source 2 and the writer would have inserted me here, but instead he signed a statement legally forbidding my name from appearing in all articles published by him. Learn more about this never, because no one can talk louder than my money.
Dr. Troubadour’s serum is available at all major drugstores and Walmart Supercenters. Hell on Earth is available now, everywhere.
Troubadour was cleared of wrong-doing.
So anyway get real high all weekend, you won’t even feel Monday. Who are you? Garfield? You are above Monday. He lies beneath it.
I’m Dr. Troubadour, a trusted Medical Doctor, versed in the Humanities.
Fight the power. Fist of justice. 10 percs in the open palm. Sleepy Warriors. Party every night. — Doctor’s Orders
Crane Course, 59, is Professor Emeritus of Women’s Studies at Lebal Drocer University. He gives lectures that place him squarely at the focus of the material, making everything about himself, and his office hours extend well into the night. Course says the manner in which Troubadour, Sr. treated the Native population was “barbaric beyond words,” and he added that they also did not treat their women very well.
