Asbestos restoration plan goes into effect Monday

Lebal Drocer stocks rose 40% Friday morning after the company’s eccentric executive Raleigh T. Sakers announced that he would return to the asbestos industry. This comes just two months after an explosive re-conceptualization of the Environmental Protection Agency, which now offers a framework for allowing new asbestos products back into US markets. “It was high […]

Dr. Troubadour’s Summer Health Tips For an Alpha Male Physique

Sup Broski? Dr. Trubes here and have I got a Hot Heaping Helping of Summer Health Tips for YOU! Reading totally blows dicks, but stay with me, betacucks, and you’ll come out on the other side a stronger, healthier, and more dominant, Alpha Male. Keep a buff summer body by poking yourself with steroids on […]

MAN WHO RELATES TO OTHERS IRONICALLY NOW STRUGGLES TO MAINTAIN SARCASTIC EMPATHY

A Las Vegas bartender was taken in for psychiatric evaluation after colleagues reached out to authorities, warning their friend’s behavior and personality had become unusually warm and relatable. Deputies agreed David Burkstrom was a threat to himself and a nearby mall where he was known to shop, and he was arrested Wednesday afternoon as he […]