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News Special Interest

Barrett Brown's character assassinated by Kilgore Trout

Yesterday, Barrett Brown was Anonymously provided with alleged leaks from the US Chamber of Commerce. Brown did not pass the documents onto Anonymous. As expected, Anonymous did not take caution and widely publicized the documents before they had been examined.

The documents were encrypted and could only be read by entering the password BarrettBrown. This simple trick implicitly associated these bogus documents with Brown and gave them the superficial feel of sensitive information. As Anonymous wasted their time digging through the massive dump, they wrongly cursed the name of Barrett Brown.

These documents were nothing more than the Chamber of Commerce public record. As the only celebrity to be associated with Anonymous, Barrett Brown is an important target for those who would turn public opinion against Anonymous. Making Brown look incompetent is a painful blow directed at the name of Anonymous.

Some have speculated that contractors like HBGary are at work. It is not clear whether they may have been hired by the US Government, Sony, or the NZ Government. What is clear is the intent to squelch online democratic uprisings. This move fits their strategy and was possibly intended to dethrone Barrett Brown as spokesperson of Anonymous. However, our inside sources have found a different answer.

A writer for Chronicle.SU has taken credit for the phony leak.

“As the world’s greatest troll, I am myself untrollable. However, Barrett Brown is not such a savvy troll. I took it upon myself to troll Barrett Brown and make him look like a failure. It’s part of a psychotic plan I have to assert dominance over Anonymous. Having trolled the entirety of Anonymous ten times over, I have finally set my sights on their great leader. Anyone who takes documents to Anonymous instead of Wikileaks should be instantly ignored.” ~ Kilgore Trout

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Categories
Editorial Special Interest

My ideal president

I’d like to see a President self-destruct once in office.

The ideal President would/is/does:

  • Tear the oval office apart in fits of rage
  • Listen to Electric Wizard
  • Kick secretaries in the face
  • not try to conceal one blowjob, but demand them every hour, on the hour
  • drinks heavily
  • even uses cat tranquilizers and PCP
  • fights police
  • hates women
  • has kids and collects child support from his ex-wife
  • loses control in front of audiences and repeatedly uses racial epithets to describe his corporate bosses
  • liberal jew media
  • goes to visit his brother in prison, because he really, truly cares.
  • sleeps until 1 p.m. and plays Call of Duty for three hours before getting dressed for work
  • Doesn’t go to work
  • Ignores major responsibilities
  • eliminate deficit
  • acquire new, larger defecit

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Categories
Entertainment Special Interest

Anonymous spawns new type of pr0n

AnonPr0n comes in BBW flavor!

Anonymous has created its own politically minded anarchic subculture within the deepest depths of the internet. Until now, it has not had its own brand of porn. However, a new genre has emerged that features actors wearing the distinctive “Guy Fawkes” masks, borrowed from the Hollywood blockbuster V for Vendetta. Several major producers from the Porn industry have eagerly jumped on the Anonymous bandwagon only to be disappointed with their profits.

AnonPr0n, as it has become known, is generating very little sales. Chronicle.SU reached one AnonPr0n director for comment. He wished to remain Anonymous. “They just want to pirate this stuff–there’s basically no way to make money off of it. As soon as the material is available, it hits the torrents.”

The message is clear: put on the Guy Fawkes mask and you will soon be fucking a girl like this.

The AnonPr0n phenomenon is not limited merely to commercial porn producers. True to form, many female members of Anonymous have begun to produce their own amateur AnonPr0n. “AnonyMiss,” a sub-cult of female Anons, is churning out self-made images designed to lure in new recruits.

The shocking images here are just the beginning. Fapping furiously, thousands of Anons are firing up Photoshop to create fakes. For all purposes, they will be just as good as the real thing. The mind reels at the implications for poopsex, gore, transexual, analgape, and yes–even childporn. We advise our readers to turn off their computers and cancel their internet service. Forever.

UPDATE: Anons have created a “Sexy Fawkes” meme, ripping off “AnonPr0n” and rebranding it as something original. You can view these scary boner-killing images at http://sexyfawkes.tumblr.com/