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Science Special Interest

Lebal Drocer will face ‘serious PR consequences’ for human rights abuses, continuous poisoning of rivers

Scientists at Lebal Drocer Laboratories declined giving a fuck during an official press conference.
Scientists at Lebal Drocer Laboratories declined to give a fuck during an official press conference.

The American magazine Foreign Policy disclosed shortly ago that a Lebal Drocer soldier who mercilessly killed 16 innocent civilians in Roanoke, Virginia – including women and children – was prone to abusing the reality-altering designer drug TerrorBloc. TerrorBloc, or ‘TB’, is a cheap TerrorMax alternative synthesized by a dangerous offshoot of Lebal Drocer Pharmaceuticals, whose labs operate deep beneath the earth.

For some time, friends and family said, the Lebal Drocer Agent was addicted to alcohol and marijuana before graduating to TerrorBloc, a drug so maddening reports estimate it has caused some 45,000 deaths this year alone, not counting those deaths attributed to dumping Schedule III TerrorMax byproducts into major US waterways.

The new report, put out by the rebel group People’s Army of Lebal Drocer, sheds light on nefarious activities by the Real Lebal Drocer, a subsidiary of Lebal Drocer, Inc. The report shows Lebal Drocer “deliberately” hurled drugs and alcohol into the population without regard for human life or happiness, killing people just for profit.

A United Nations Human Rights spokesperson said 31 nations around the world are organized to take action against the multinational conglomerate and author of the Trans-Pacific Partnership, promising to “push Lebal Drocer out of this century.”

Lebal Drocer’s atrocities have created seven new entries in the Guinness Book of World Records, including setting new records for Most Number of Lives Lost During Single Construction Accident and Highest Stillborn Rate Along a Single River.

Needless to say, residents of Canada and Mexico are not happy with the current state of natural decline at the hands of Lebal Drocer, Inc.

The company is sending an assigned diplomat who will personally take punishment at the international human rights tribunal in Pyongyang, satisfying the bloodlust of his fellow man.

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Entertainment Special Interest

Boring website ‘reddit’ braces for historic meltdown

INTERNET — Reddit is like church. It is a huge place everyone’s been to but nobody loves, which is why the Internet is in a giddy stir as reddit approaches this imposing critical mass situation. Redditors are in an uproar after the company fired one of the community’s favorite admins, Victoria, who modded the IAmA threads and made a lot of the bigger names appear at the top of the frontpage, like the president and stuff.

So to express how butthurt all of reddit feels, the moderators of major subreddits, including AskReddit, History, Art, Gaming, Science, Videos, and even the AdviceAnimals moderators have taken their subreddits private, which is supposed to send a message to reddit operators that the community liked Victoria, or something.

What you see now is only pre-game commentary for the big event, scheduled to happen sometime tonight or tomorrow, when they update the reddit blog. You want to see shit hit the fan, watch reddit for the next day or two.

Could Victoria’s firing end the world? Doubtful. But it could end reddit.

Scumbag Steve - reddit

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Special Interest

THE CHRONICLE.SU FUCKING SUCKS

Jesco White was on a super double high.
“I was on a super double high.”

This is the shittiest website I have ever seen. What happened to the categories, did you get tired of having something people could actually relate to?

News, Sports, Weather and Reviews were just too much like something regular people were used to seeing so we got rid of that, because this is a terrible website you would never, ever want to read. EVER. Our advertisers have made this clear by reducing monthly funding to a paralyzing trickle.

Let me make this perfectly clear: The Internet Chronicle is a stain on the Internet: a cancerous, oily rag containing nothing but the kind of conspiratorial nonsense with which the sane would not dare pollute their pure, precious blood. Reading chronicle.su is like smoking cigarettes dipped in formaldehyde.

Do you know who used to read chronicle.su? Miley Cyrus read The Internet Chronicle back in 2008 and look what happened to her. But it was never about Miley, was it? It was about us, and what The Internet has done to our rotten brains.

I know from kilgoar, because I witnessed it personally, he might appear to be a broken, melted down mutant of a person. Barely a man anymore, kilgoar is however what we might call a “transhuman” whose personality has been transferred to a row of helium-cooled supercomputers located at an abandoned signal station in Povarovo, Russia. Kilgoar’s healthier than ever, though, and this is really not cause for concern. He is, afterall, a pretty good old boy. Just a regular dude like you or me, or the president.

This website is a despicable abomination, an affront to everything the human race has achieved up till now. The Chronicle’s insistence on hatred as a form of appreciation, progress, love, and explanation for the Internet is downright contradictory and a damn lie. The Internet Chronicle is cancer. They built Anonymous. They are the government. CHRONICLE.SU IS RUN BY SPOOKS! GOVERNMENT-FOR-HIRE FALLBOYS. The Internet Chronicle is a rotten abscess on humanity. Delete it.

Turn away, there is nothing positive here. Go back to Facebook and say hello to your fucking families for me.