Category: Trolling

If you’re going to make up fake d0x…

Post author By Kilgoar
Post date August 26, 2011
16 Comments on If you’re going to make up fake d0x…

Thursday, th3j35t3r decided to reveal what a truly pitiful charlatan he is. In d0xing the Chronicle, th3j35t3r was so incredibly full of fail that I actually felt embarrassed for him. Although most of us write under pseudonyms here at the Chronicle, we do not attempt to conceal our identity like th3j35t3r because we aren’t criminals. There’s really no point in d0xing us, except perhaps as part of a veiled threat. And we do not fear th3j35t3r.

A mouth-breathing little twerp could figure out who we are just by looking around the site a little. In fact, it’s happened before. Skiddie fanboys of Anonymous repeatedly published the name of one of our former writers with no good reason. In response to their stupidity, I anonymously posted my own fabricated d0x on AnonNews and fooled the hivemind completely. Every time I insulted Anonymous, they posted the d0x and I laughed at their gullibility. It is well documented that I created those d0x as a joke, and th3j35t3r published them anyway, unwittingly trolling himself into oblivion. He is less skilled than the average rage-filled teenybopper Anon.

doxville — I am better at d0xing myself than th3j35t3r is.

If that wasn’t stupid enough, th3j35t3r also published the information of innocent people to maintain his increasingly fragile pretense of skilled hacktivism. Niall Coffey has never written an article for us, and Alexi Halloway is just a random Facebook fan. Oh noez! Th3j35t3r has revealed the secret identities of the first few people who liked the Chronicle on Facebook. What an elite hacker!

Th3j35t3r is unable to strike at Chronicle.SU in any meaningful way, so he’s become desperate to protect his ego. He tattled on us to Blue Host and complained about how we’ve violated the terms of service. What a motherfucking elite hacker!

The d0xing and the snitching have had no effect on the Glorious Chronicle, as th3j35t3r can’t harm us in any way. If he had any fans, we might be concerned, but apparently he has only two or three.

Trolling

Will you marry me, Boxxy?

Dear Boxxy, you are so sexy and queen of the trolls. Will you take my hand in marraige?

Trolling Uncontrollable Patriotism

Hillary Clinton – trolled!

Post author By Kilgoar
Post date July 31, 2011
2 Comments on Hillary Clinton – trolled!

A recent pastebin hoax portending to be a leaked diplomatic cable from the office of Hillary Clinton, it seems, was actually written by me. This was discovered after a careful search through my browser history, as I was blackout drunk and high on one too many drugs at the time I wrote the pastebin.

S E C R E T STATE 047326

NOFORN
SIPDIS

E.O. 12958: DECL: 05/08/2034
TAGS: PINR IR
SUBJECT: (SBU)  LULZSEC AND ITS POSSIBLE RELATION TO HAMAS
AND THE IRANIAN GOVERNMENT(C-NE9-00993)

Classified By: SUZANNE MCCORMICK, DIR., INR/OPS.  REASON:  1.4(C).

¶1.  (C/NF)  WASHINGTON ANALYSTS ARE HIGHLY INTERESTED IN
REPORTS REGARDING IRANIAN GOVERNMENT'S PRESENCE IN CYBERSPACE.
ANTI-AMERICAN SLOGANS AND MESSAGES HAVE BEEN SPREAD WITH
THE AID OF ILLEGAL HACKING.  THESE ATTACKS ARE MOST LIKELY
A COOPERATIVE ACTION OF BOTH HAMAS AND THE IRANIAN GOVERNMENT.
ON 17 JULY 2011, THE SUN WAS HACKED BY LULZSEC AND A STORY WAS
PLACED WHICH THREATENED THE LIFE OF RUPERT MURDOCH. THIS IS A
TYPICAL LULZSEC ATTACK, TARGETING A MEDIA OUTLET.

¶A.  (C)  WHAT, IF ANY, TIES DOES THIS ATTACK HAVE TO IRANIAN
INTERESTS? WHAT ARE THEIR MOTIVATIONS FOR WEAKENING WESTERN MEDIA
OUTLETS LIKE PBS AND THE SUN?

¶B.  (C)  IN WHAT WAY IS SABU RELATED TO HAMAS? IS HE POSSIBLY
TIED TO MORE EXTREME GROUPS SUCH AS AL-QAEDA?

1)  (C)  WHAT KIND OF SUPPORT DOES SABU HAVE WITHIN ANONYMOUS
AND THE UNITED STATES?

2)  (C)  CAN SABU'S SUPPORTERS BE ACCESSED BY OUR INFILTRATORS IN
HAMAS AND AL-QAEDA, AND IF SO, HOW QUICKLY?

3)  (C)  HOW CAN ODYSSEY BE USED TO DAMPEN SUPPORT FOR LULZSEC?

¶C.  (C)  PLEASE CITE C-NE9-00993 IN THE SUBJECT LINE OF
REPORTING IN RESPONSE TO THE ABOVE QUESTIONS.
CLINTON

I must have drunkenly entered the mind of Hillary Clinton, because this hoax has received over 9,000 views on pastebin. It has also been republished in many other publications of high repute, as final proof of Barrett Brown’s paranoid theories. Until now, the Romas/COIN theories were based only on circumstantial evidence.

After further investigation of my internet history, it seems this whole hoax began with an extended masturbation session on /b/. After that, I spent about two hours reading through everything on WikiLeaks that had ever come from the Secretary of State. At the time I didn’t realize I was reading documents written by both Hillary Clinton and Condoleeza Rice, but they write in the exact same voice anyway. I studied every intricacy of Clinton and Rice’s authoritative writing style. I find it impossible to believe I did this without touching myself.

The only person who really picked up on this hoax was th3j35t3r, and he has since done his best to tie Sabu with Islamic terrorists. However, he hasn’t done half the job I did, and I did it only to mock those who would believe it. After all his practice, you think th3j35t3r would have learned how to troll by now.

You’ve been trolled so hard, Hillary Clinton.

**You’ve been trolled so hard, Hillary Clinton.**