Entertainment Reviews

Is Jimmy Fallon a lizard person? Yes, Jimmy Fallon is a reptile

Jimmy Fallon is a reptile. He is openly a lizard man!

INTERNET CHRONICLE EXCLUSIVE: A rare look at the empty husk of a man

NEW YORK—Yes, Tonight Show host Jimmy Fallon has a weird energy. His interviews often have a constrictive vibe where there seems to be some pointless hurry to say everything in a fast jazzy jabber, in which not a moment can breathe. Yes, he plays peek-a-boo with guests, and hides behind his hands. Of course he does. That is old news. In this article, we are setting that aside as we explore the overwhelming probability that behind his funny mask, Jimmy Fallon is a hollow, creepy person, and lizard-like in demeanor.

WATCH CLOSELY: There’s a ton of cute Jimmy Fallon gifs online, but none focus on his snake-like flit of the tongue. Fallon routinely flits his tongue when he thinks no one is watching, the way snakes breathe.

It’s a tough job, but you don’t have to be perfect. Leno was down and dirty, but you watched it anyway since he was great. Conan was Conan, played like he’s on stilts. Far from perfect, Johnny Carson himself was arguably the most flawed of all tonight show hosts, until you really start to look at Jimmy.

No one was better than Johnny Carson.

Johnny Carson, who started The Tonight Show, was revered for his warmth and even-kilter interview style. Johnny earned his place in American history – and our living rooms – by making connections, setting an example, and making people laugh and feel good. At the end of a segment, you’d learned something about his guest, saw a lightning storm of intelligent people, conversation and jokes, and you even smiled with them as everyone stuck the landing and it all went really well.

Fallon does that, too. Seinfeld has appeared on The Tonight Show since the 1980s, and calls Fallon’s style an “amazing, legendary artificial enthusiasm,” and he meant it sincerely, even if as a back-handed compliment. Their segment, too, ends on a laugh and a high note. But Fallon also does this weird thing where – just for a moment – he flashes reptilian and insect-like.

Fallon rapidly flicks his tongue, like a snake tasting the air.

He does it more when interviewing young women, but he does it a lot.

Take a recent example, grabbed at random and selected because the interview is labeled ‘Extended’ …meaning there would be enough time for the conversation to be suffocated with high energy, and to have a bad, horrible vibe. Yet it is in the earliest moments of their interaction, that Jimmy’s eyes go cold.


The above video was selected for another parameter: Fallon behaves especially lizard-like when interviewing young, up-and-coming female talent, such as Jenna Ortega, who is a true artist that pours her soul into her work, and is about neither fame nor the hype. In fact, her commitment to her craft is what makes it all the more egregious to see Fallon shift out of his affable, relatable mode and into his Reptile Brain.

Jimmy Fallon is an incredible comic actor, he is very kind, and he is easy to get along with. But there are moments, when he is also something else. His acting talents are so fast, and so sharp, that he does a fantastic job of masking, but it’s only play.

Watch closely for glimmers behind the mask. The lights are on but nobody is home.

After posing the first question, Fallon holds his gaze on Ortega’s body for so long, that in the next frame, the cameras cut away because it was getting super obvious. He does it again later, leaning back to watch her response like he is in Eyes Wide Shut.

He looks again at her legs, repeatedly.

Before a minute can pass, and seemingly against his will, Fallon rapidly flits out his tongue, as if tasting the air.

(Jimmy Fallon, at dress rehearsal): “OK so when my guest uncrosses her legs, stay on me, and that is when I’ll stare straight down her snatch, got it?”

Johnny Carson used to have on the great Henny Youngman. Fallon brings out Pretty Young, Man.

Jimmy Fallon brings a whole insect controlled by a parasite vibe to the party that the hoes can't really vibe with.
The vibe is dreadful.

Everyone loved Johnny Carson. Growing up at Internet Chronicle, we watched him every night.

Olaf Encke

Some observers attribute a shift in his demeanor that took place during a sudden pattern of getting hurt in accidents, partway through Fallon’s tenure as host.

In one such incident Fallon was treated for ring avulsion, an injury patients get from removing their wedding bands too quickly.

Maybe Jimmy got hurt and got creepy.

On the other hand, Jimmy Fallon is an insanely talented, sexy, disgusting motherfucker who is also capable of perfectly impersonating Jim Morrison, even hitting his distorted, howling high notes, the thing that Morrison is best known for.

Maybe Jimmy Fallon deserves a shitload of pussy. Who are we to say if he doesn’t? Look at him play!

But dude we have a show to do. Why not beforehand, just fuck two whores who look identical to your guest? That way maybe you can look her in the eye.

Bill it to 30 Rock, because that’s also something Jim Morrison would do before and after putting on a great show. “Love Me Two Times” (1967).

If that is what it takes to keep your demeanor level, then do that. Because this is The Tonight Show and we need you in the moment, Jimmy. However…

[ominous music]

What if, behind the mask, there is no Jimmy? What if those moments of – leering, tongue-snapping, sudden vacancy of the eyes, carnal lust, praying mantis posture – what if underneath the concept, under his veneer, that’s all Jimmy Fallon really is?

Johnny Carson would often let moments sit. He would sit with his guest, briefly or for several seconds, while they connected to see what was actually worth bringing up. Pondering how to get to the next moment gracefully was the fuel of Johnny’s warmth. This was especially true when connecting with non-comedian guests such as dog owners and competition divers. Johnny would watch shitty videos of people diving, and quietly say, “Pretty,” after each one. Gentle. There’s no music to shout over. It didn’t need to feel like a party. The audience got to know the rare inner thoughts of quiet people, and the sound of room tone.

Jimmy chases that intimacy out of the show like Benny Hill. Keeps it icy, cold, snappy, let’s move it along, and done. The show is missing the warmth of humanity itself.

I used to think guys like Jimmy Fallon, ‘Eh, maybe his heart’s just not in it.’ But Jimmy’s got no heart. It’s not like he would rather be fishing. He is doing exactly what he wants, right there in front of you.

Jimmy Fallon is literally a lizard.

By Angstrom Troubadour

Dr. Troubadour is the world's leading physician, and important contributor to leftist rag Internet Chronicle. His every word here is taken as fact.

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