Doris Day, the legendary singer and actress who recorded Gangsta’s Paradise, died at 1 a.m. Monday at her home in California… or did she?

No, she did. Doris Day is dead.

Celebrity experts say she was 97 years old when she died, and a lot of people are mourning. People are in mourning. They’re supposed to be at work!

The Doris Day Crypto-Psychotic Institute for Old Television Shows confirmed in a statement to chronicle.su that Day “rattled with temporal fever” as her body came apart, revealing itself at long last to be composed of a dense cloud of tiny alien spacecraft.

The ships scattered in the wind, before leaving Earth through interdimensional creases.

Doris Day was cute, but unfortunately made from advanced alien technology.

Witnesses were intimidated into silence. Even Alex Jones from infowars.com was speechless.

Day howled as she died, cackled, and growled like a river of wind, causing everyone’s ears to bleed. Human expression wiped from her face, Day scanned each person in the room, consuming their souls through the eyes, snatching family and loved ones alike down with her on a startling plunge into the darkest pitch of Hell.

“That’s why this is such a big deal,” Alex Jones said. “We’re all gonna read about this in the Chronicle!”

Day was well known for her contralto singing voice, which she famously showcased in “Whatever Will Be, Will Be (Que Sera, Sera)” from Alfred Hitchcock’s The Man Who Knew Too Much. Little did it matter, Day’s final howling shriek lives on in a broken reality, scorched into the memories of the few survivors who lived to tell about it.

“Her singing voice was so beautiful,” Nancy Grace recounted. “Which is why when she started howling like the Devil, I knew something was wrong, and it was time for me and the crew to get the flip out of there. I still have nightmares about it.”

When Doris Day was just 12 years old, she ignored what God and her parents said to do, so she went and got hit by a train. Just like what happened to Sam Kinison, this event triggered a dark turn in Day’s demeanor, form, and worldview, influencing her standup for decades to come.

Fans recall Day would lash out at audiences and was arrested twice for indecency. Officers waited off stage for the actress in 1989 after accepting the Cecil B. DeMille Award because during her acceptance speech, she removed her face, revealing a cyborg robotic emotive muscular simulation system of unknown origin. This alone was not a problem, but Day’s hair, shoulders, elbows and breasts had transformed into helicopter-mounted gatling guns, fed by a bandolier of souls from the future snatched into a horrific backward leap through time. Although she complied with police, Day killed indiscriminately, and paid dearly for her crimes in Time Court.

Day was later arrested during a meet-and-greet in 2005, where she controversially drank her own urine from a glass and sprayed it into the stunned faces of a live studio audience. She never opened with piss drinking, so this was a rare moment for fans and police.

Day was married a bunch of times, but no one knew she was the Reaper.

Who gives a fuck anymore. Y’all stay away from them Day Reapers you hear me?

Some say she’s still out there. She could still be hunting.

Published by hatesec

I am the hatest

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35 Comments

  1. Doris Day, R.Kelly and Trump all walked into a bar w/ ya in Brooklyn .. & so ur in(e) it now 🍆 …

  2. So bb is doxin’ coppers AGAIN, & as usual this isn’t gonna end well,, AGAIN. History sure loves to repeat it’s self. Next time bb goes back to jail he’ll end up being some Aryan Nation dude’s cuck boi.

      1. P(l)ay attn blue checkmarked Boyo.
        bb is always imbroiled nutfuckery. Mind you this cop shot some poor women. Plus bb haz an ongoing mad w/ his local PD ’cause these cops didn’t warn him about some nut who threatened to shoot bb.
        Oh ppl do eventually reap(ersec), what they what they sow. Sow choas, expect it in return. Eventually he’ll relapse & then beat his not very street smart biniki nerd gf.

        And this for you two (non-)hatefag$
        14-Year-Old Girl Under Investigation By Police For Expressing Herself On YouTube – https://www.infowars.com/14-year-old-girl-under-investigation-by-police-for-expressing-herself-on-youtube/ … Watch the full Soph interview with Alex Jones here.

        Y’all are long over due for a radio show fuckers.

        1. dear mr. woman sir,
          mr. crunch-berry brown is a widely beloved and admired freedom fighter and in that capacity prone to confrontation with the local rent-a-cop corporation, wich leaves this incidents as everyday occurrences. for your speculations about violence against women on behalf of mr. brown i might point to a target closer to home. as an indicator I quote from an interview with chronicle editor in chief/garbage salesman/wife beater dr. hatesec: “that bitch had it commin”. also your comments to the intellect of mr. browns girlfriend, I perceive as questionable. If I were not as superficial as it is even possible and deeply involved in zoophilia, I would be most appealed by her intellectual capasity.
          to your concerns about 14 year old nazi enthusiast soph i can only say:”that bitch had it commin”.

          1. Exhibit A https://twitter.com/BarrettBrown_/status/1132173705050820609

            After several months of depression/mania/rage prompted by things I learned in course of researching my book, mostly about certain people in the press and what they covered up over eight years, I burn my National Magazine Award and declare war on everyone

            Why Barrett Brown Burned His National Magazine Award
            Journalist Barrett Brown burned his National Magazine Award to protest the Intercept shutting down its Snowden archive. He has more planned.
            dailydot.com
            2:37 AM · May 25, 2019 · Twitter Web Client
            16
            Retweets
            102
            Likes

            Barrett Brown
            @BarrettBrown_
            ·
            May 25
            Replying to
            @BarrettBrown_
            In conclusion, Death to America

            No one likes cops/LE until they need them, rented or otherwise (especially the taxpayer funded ones). And fyi book smarts don’t equal street smarts & just like street smarts don’t equal book smarts. So it’s best for one to acquire both in but not necessarily in amounts.

            As for Barrett’s future, usually past behaviors are accurate predictors of one’s future behaviors. It ain’t rocket science, if one doesn’t admit to the harm(s) they have committed against others (domestic violence & addiction), & they do not take measures to accept responsibility, then get the necessary treatment(s) and plus atone/make admends they’re doomed to repeat said behaviors. In Barrett’s mind he’s alwayw the victim and he did/does nothing wrong, ever.

            Karma in of itself is a fallacy. And those run on sentences are pure Barry Brown.

            The link above is about Alex Jonesy using a kid to pimp his brand, but ofc you just had to assume. Notice that the word ass is in the word assume.
            So in closing, Soph is just potty mouth puppet for her irl b/ros facist lite commentary. She still has away to go before she becomes a Gen Z mini Ayn Rand.

            1. It’s spelt F-A-S-C-I-S-T darling, and now it’s checkmate for Barrett’ the clown’ Brown.

              Barrett Brown
              @BarrettBrown_
              All: I’m handing my Twitter to
              @PursuanceProj
              exec director @acbold
              to spend less time on bouts of righteous, unhinged vengeance, which seem to have finally born fruit, and more time perfecting Pursuance, which shall bear orchards.

              1. Dear mrs.man darling,
                nobody in this world has ever doubted that peter thiel is a fashist, ever.
                what barrett che brown is talking about is vengeance. do you know it¿
                V-E-N-G-E-A-N-C-E! it is glorious and best served cold.

          2. I guess if I was forced to choose between the lesser of the two evils, I’d be forced to pick Boo Berry Brown over Jules ‘the Judas’ ASSange who pimped ‘Merikkka’s soul for 30 pieces of silver & Putin’s puppet Donald ‘the orange Pepe’ Trump. I expected we’ll be dead sooner or later from nukin Iran & BBQin’ North Koreans.

            1. dear mentally challenced person,
              Since I have to assume that you, as the offspring of religious madmen and huddled masses, wore a helmet to shool and rarely have contact with the real world outside your plantation, you can not estimate the admiration of the hero Julian Assange. his revelations spared us killary and the third world war. we are forever in his debt. orange hittler, niggo hittler,whip-it-out hittler or moron hittler, outside your prison it makes the slightes difference. and yes, you will be dead soon. and yes, it will be a never ending feast.
              fuck u

              1. Fuxs me, non u may not, ’cause 1) ewwww gross & 2ndly we don’t do charity work. So Enjoy your 3 inch Dickator’s 4th of July Ego Parade today BECAUSE THE END IS NEAR!
                We see an orange mushroom head cloud on the horizon 💣

              2. hello lee eye the cocaine connoisseur,
                the reference to you getting fucked, in no way involves myself. it is the suggestion that you should get fucked in general, preferable by yourself. fucking you is something even by a person like me is considered despicable, and i live in a steady relationship with a mountain goat named larry.
                the 3 inche orange mushroom head thingy, you seem to have seen, was probably your president impersonator’s boner, given him by the suppressing gear parade, applauded by the likes of you people.
                yes i know how you tick!
                https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZlP8YLhOW8

              3. ICE, ICE bAEbe …. yes the end is near, I mean let the deportation$ of your kin(d) begin #DayoftheRAPture
                We would never reside in the land rule by the cray cray nationalistic whitey Orangutan. Strike one batty boy.

        1. ::chokes the dsylexic gerry atric afterbirth pimpin chimpo for shits & giggles (READ: charity work):::

          1. this is not the way yusuf of nazareth our lawd and savior has shown us! shame on u!

      1. BREAKING: InfoWars host Alex Jones sent child porn to families of the Sandy Hook tragedy. Their lawyers contacted the FBI after discovering it in electronic files sent as a result of the families’ lawsuit against Jones for calling the mass shooting a hoax.

        HAPPY 25th 💝 ANNIVERSARY O.J. 🎉🎊🎁

          1. Nobody funny reads this digital meat trash, me included asshole. Also why are you two fags always sticks you dicks into crazy

  3. *sticking your dicks into cray cray. At this point fucking a hornet’s nest should/would be more pleasurable.

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