WASHINGTON – Monday, “Kilgoar” Trout, founder of the beloved Internet Chronicle, died from a simultaneous drug overdose and car wreck while on his way to a “business meeting.” Police forensics experts seemed befuddled reporting, “We’ve never had a case of death by the combination of overdose and car accident, but this is what appears to have happened.” Trout was not driving the vehicle at the time of the wreck, but the driver, who escaped unscathed, was tested by police at the scene and was reportedly extremely drunk. Obsessive teary-eyed fanboy Geo Hotz said, “This is just like Princess Diana. We will have no justice.”
Long-time friend of Trout, Niall Coffey, said, “Kilgoar fell prey to his own lavish lifestyle and instantaneous Internet success. We knew it was bad when he did a cameo on EpicMealTime, but we didn’t know it was this bad. He will be deeply missed.” Critics of The Internet Chronicle say the site descended from a darkly funny and intelligent source for satire into an endless stream of transparent death hoaxes, which were nonetheless highly successful in bringing in massive streams of advertising revenue.
Known for obsessively attacking the hacktivist collective Anonymous, perhaps Trout’s most famous and controversial work was the Anti-Leader’s Handbook, a longwinded 8,000-word self-centered exegesis full of red-faced rants and recycled postmodern tropes on the paradoxical nature of Anarchist Collectives and archetypal anti-heroes. It also featured the now-famous “Stratfor hack is not Anonymous” hoax, which rightly accused Sabu of working with the FBI months before the public became aware. The self-styled “King of Trolls,” Trout viciously taunted every sect of humanity in the name of non-violence and tolerance.
The Internet Chronicle’s remaining assets have been transferred to Tyler Bass, who plans to sell the business to News Corporation for 11.2 million USD. Mr. Trout’s personal fortune, upwards of $5.6 billion, has been set aside to buy laptops for children in the third world. These laptops come with an operating system designed personally by Trout to block all viral content and only show information produced or curated by verified experts.
23 replies on “Internet Chronicle writer “Kilgoar” Trout dead at 27”
…..or not…or perhaps there will be a party in hell, welcoming the new anti-Christ/anti-leaderfag ‘Slick Willy’…
*tucks a bottle C.C. and a chunk of Afghan hash for your afterlife trippin’ to slackville, and there are no virgins in this afterlife waiting for your martyred ass, only sluts/whores ;)
if he’s dead it would have been on the news. duh
Gone, but not forgotten. -.-
This is NOT a hoax! But it is the beginning of a series of lies and cover-ups concerning the truth(s) of events which led up to Trout’s
untimely and unjust death. No Rest until those responsible have been exposed and brought to justice.TROUTROUTROUTROUT…..
This comment originated from a government IP address in an obvious psy-op psy-op campaign (a reverse psy-op). I am not saying to disregard this communication as all government propaganda should at least be acknowledged, if not taken with a grain of salt. But just be aware it did in fact come from the government. I backtraced it.
And so, it begins.
First Gary Webb and now this!
me soo happy. itz like multiple orgasmz, high on smack, on xmas.
wuderbar, uh full
dibs on the beard
ya dun goofed
fishfag facts: chronicle.su wasnt the first get-rich-kwick-scam billy pulled off. for a brief time in intertube-history trout was responsible for 85% of all child pornography circulating the net. his selfproduced matirial flooded the market. this business rapidly declined wenn he hit puberty. after that dhs hired him as chief editor sockpuppet for their honeypot chronicle.su.
omg is this true
totaly! wood someone from teh internetz with a sausage moniker lie 2 u?
well it hasnt hapened yet
c, its all total legit. and theres more to come. my informer jennifer e. is digging deep in troutz annals.
no sorry it was anus, my bad.
just got back from his grave. so sad. so sexy .
I still don’t know what’s goin’ on! Find files on my machine that seem to indicate I should be lookin’ for CATS here…yeah, dat’s Oh Kay.
GOOD, Fuck this Godless Turd Burglar, Ol satan is probably got a 3 headed penis ripping his ass open 24/7. GOD will not be Mocked you Motherfuckers
[…] http://www.chronicle.su/obituaries/internet-chronicle-writer-kilgoar-trout-dead-at-27/ […]
Drug addict why should anyone feel bad for this
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