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Britney Spears ‘desperately addicted to the internet’

LAS VEGAS–Britney Spears is at it again, but this time her family has stepped in to prevent her dangerous, but not-so-teenage pop star antics. Currently working on a $100 million deal, the former starlet will be performing Las Vegas shows, like a ‘slave’, each night at the TransAtlantis Casino and Resort Hotel. The 31-year-old’s worsening […]

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“Immortality gene” discovered in remote African tribe

Kisangani, DRC–Ethnologists working with newly-rediscovered tribes of Enya, located near Kisangani in the Democratic Republic of Congo, announced evidence supporting the existence of an “immortality gene.” Expedition leader and genetic anthropologist, Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour, said, “At first we did not believe the shaman who told us the ages of many members of the tribe. […]

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Scientists to clone Neanderthal

Harvard, MA–Harvard geneticist Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador is looking for a surrogate mother for the world’s first Neanderthal clone. “She needs a robust frame and a highly elastic birth canal. These Neanderthal babies are serious business!” In his ill-lit basement lab at Harvard, Dr. Troubador hovers over a microscope, sourrounded by glowing amber jars of […]