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News

“th3j35t3r’s” 50 pages of butthurt

In what may go down as the 50 most butthurt pages ever written in the history of humanity, “Rintendo64” and “bRatty” a/k/a “Kelly Hennessey” a/k/a “Butchiest” tell several blatant lies and spew schoolyard-level insults, only to top the monstrosity off with a conclusion that will blow your minds! This is all to deny a body […]

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Health

Nutritionist declares recent poop a success

In what might have otherwise been an uneventful bowel movement, Chronicle nutritionist Dr. Angstrom H. Troubedaur noticed a peculiar softness and consistency in Thursday’s stool, such that he was moved to turn around and declare the specimen “a major success.” “A major success.” Dr. Troubedaur said he was thumbing a medical journal when he recognized […]

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Local

Taco Bell employee derives pleasure from serving you

Only masochists eat and work at Taco Bell