Internet Chronicle

Rep. Michelle Bachmann has backed down from a debate with 16 year old Amy Myers. The beautiful and intelligent Ms. Myers is now the target of threats and insults, but the fact is that she has a nicer smile than Bachmann and doesn’t even look like a witch at all. The lulz Ms. Myers must be experiencing will probably become a life long addiction, but she’s smart enough to do something excellent with it.

Rep. Bachmann actively organizes classes in the Constitution for members of congress, but is not confident enough to face Ms. Myers in a debate on the subject. We all know that Michelle Bachmann is the whore. Michelle Bachmann is the one who’s had her career threatened.

Protip, Powerfags: Amy Myers knows more about the constitution than anyone, and can incinerate your career in a heartbeat. Back the fuck away, slowly, and let her take over before it’s too late.

At midnight, May 21, 2011, families and clergy gathered into a church to pray for their salvation from the coming rapture. Their church was burned down by an insane man who believed he was “the angel of death.” Fox News is replaying a small clip from his now-blocked youTube account.

“I have triggered the rapture, for I am the angel of death. God has a message, and I am his messenger. All who burn will enter heaven.”

The advertising campaign that originated from Family Radio owner Harold Camping likely caused this man to go insane, and his insanity has gone viral. Reports of burning houses all over America  have become a self-reinforcing loop of terror, #trending on Twitter, seeded by sockpuppets hired by Harold Camping.  The waves of suicides have caused religious communities to panic, and the Pope issued this statement, in Latin:

“Burn yourselves and you will be sure to face eternal Hell and Damnation!”

An information war is raging between believers and skeptics of the Rapture. Skeptics have tossed out clothing, as a prank on the believers,  a threatening statement about the dangers of religion. Believers have put on their own miraculous youTube hoaxes which are much more convincing. Many depict strange UFO activity and people unexpectedly disappearing. As always, the best hoaxes have been put on by those who are just doing it for the lulz. The hoax-war is mostly canceling itself out, forcing people to further their belief in nothing, turning on-the-fence atheists into full-blown god hating baby rapists and on-the-fence rapturists into suicides.

Harold Camping has been arrested, and faces charges for committing genocide on the religious. In such a spiritually lacking and sickly paranoid culture built on a foundation of media, the effects of this kind of malignant fearmongering is beyond Camping’s wildest dreams. All prophecies are self-fulfilling, and this did not originate from Harold Camping. It started with the bible, the most enduring and effective meme in Western culture. Harold Camping has only played his part, as many before him have. Harold Camping has spent a fortune to convince the world to commit suicide. If you don’t die before the rapture, Harold Camping says you will be annihilated. This is much worse than hell, because you will completely cease to exist. Pretty girl, pretty pretty girl.