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Categories
Sports

To Roanoke

For looking at the most glory holes!

Roanoke, Virginia wins The Elf Wax Times award for most likely to initiate a glory hole over any other city in the entire world!

Glory goles to the left of me, glory holes to the right. Roanoke, Virginia is the town for glory holes, tonight!

Roanoke, Virginia googles more glory holes than anything else in the entire world according to our latest statistics.

Conversely, Miley Cyrus is the most googled thing worldwide. According to analytics, she even googles herself.

This article is part of an ongoing series known as Miley Analytics

Glory Hole for me, Glory Hole to you. Glory hole whoa whoa mole mole dig little mole into the gloriest of holes.

Dig into the glory hole.

Whoa.

-The Elf Wax Times

Dig Into The Glory Hole, Little Mole.
Dig Into The Glory Hole, Little Mole.

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Categories
Video

William

RICHMOND—The Elf Wax Times hits the streets in an explosive new Fall reality series that GETS YOU HIGH with Willy Q, unemployed, where you’ll hear his thoughts on Led Zeppelin, experience his nightmares of Eastern Europe, and shoot the peace sign, which is actually the middle finger where he’s from. Pack a bong and tell the kids: WILLIAM LOVES THE SHIT OUT OF SOME FUCKING LED ZEPPELIN on an all new season of HATE.

[flashvideo file=”https://chronicle.su/wp-content/uploads/will1iamquianthy.flv” /]

When all are one
And one is all
To be a rock
And not to roll
 
We love you William.

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Categories
News

New Blog Site Hits The Internet

Just Now, Everywhere–A blog is born. At around four o’clock this afternoon, some guys installed WordPress and then started typing on it, purportedly designed to extol the virtues of the Cyrus family incest gene.

They didn’t change the CSS much and the theme is essentially the same, save for an animated .gif of Angelina Jolie partially nude.

Internet experts anticipate the blog will be abandoned partially toward the beginning of its inception, following a coke binge. “They probably won’t even register the domain,” said Larry Fineberg, some guy on the internet.

The new blog is reportedly so decrepit the writers can’t even finish a s