NSA totally behaving like creepy uncle at the Internet family reunion

It’s hanging onto everyone, leering around at the room as it gropes the family children, probing for stuff it’s not supposed to find.

“Uh-oh, what have we here? Something you’re not supposed to be doing. Your parents would be very upset if they knew that you did that. There, there. Don’t cry. Really. You can make it all better. That’s a good girl. You don’t have to cry. Uncle NSA can help you make it all better. Shhhhhhhh.”

The NSA knows all the best changing rooms, where they can take a peek at your children’s sexting photos and blackmail their enemies with the same handy multi-tool, connected right into that magical cloud like it’s Ghost in the Fucking Shell.

But I already know you’re not mad. I’m just saying.

Heck, I’m glad we have something like the NSA protecting our freedoms, like other paramilitary, sub-governmental groups such as the Taliban, Hezbollah and Hamas protect the freedoms of their constituents.

Thanks, creepy Uncle NSA! Give me a hug. Hey! Tee-hee. Watch the hands!

This message brought to you jingoistically by Lebal Drocer, Inc. – American patriotism at its finest.