Tag: twitter

Local

MISSING PERSON: New subreddit Gupptracker aids in manhunt

Post author By Hatesec
Post date December 18, 2022
3 Comments on MISSING PERSON: New subreddit Gupptracker aids in manhunt

"That's gupped up," he used to say.

INTERNET—A new subreddit dedicated to the disappearance of Gupp from Twitter is one of the fastest-growing pages on the website, with almost 250,000 members in two days.

Elon purchased Twitter
Twitter feels weird now
Gupp left, promising to return once Muskolini is finished “marking his territory”
Musk bans journalists, faces punishment from Berlin

Gupp is still missing.

In the wake of Elon Musk banning a Twitter account tracking the location of his jet, along with the journalists who followed the story, a Reddit page dedicated to finding beloved Twitter user Gupp became the fastest-growing subreddit on Saturday, according to the website Gupp Stats. The page, /r/Gupp, has amassed more than a quarter million members in less than 48 hours.

Gupp, who is neither a journalist nor well-known, is respected for his irreverent posts, goofing off, and inspirational world-dominating bro-ups. Until such time as Gupp’s body can be located, fans mourn the loss of one of Twitter’s hottest, young, upcoming stars.

Gupp has been missing for more than one month.

Sissy Nay-Nay, 54, has gone to church with Gupp for six years, and says she misses him dearly.

“We miss our boy,” she said. “Gupp didn’t hurt nobody. Gupp never got involved in no bad stuff. We just want him back.”

Gupptracker works by checking Gupp’s favorite locations online, including Discord, archive.org, and back to Twitter again, like a confused animal.

“We don’t actually know how it works,” said Anonymous. “We outsourced the programming to someone who works for TikTok, and he has us doing fun dances in exchange for information about our missing friend.”

Origins

Gupp was the most prolific renaissance man to ever pass through Twitter.

It is unclear where Gupp came from, but one day he just showed up, saying shit like “That’s gupped up.”

Now he is missing, and presumed dead. But there is still hope, according to reddit moderator PussyCunt711214764.

“Maybe Gupp doesn’t want to be found,” they wrote online. “Maybe the real Gupp is the friends we made along the way.”

Users responded, acting as a decentralized, singular entity.

“Upvoting this for visibility,” one user wrote.

Another chimed in: “9,000 internets to the person who happens upon Gupp’s shallow grave!”

“Sharpening my pitchfork” — Top comment, funny and original.

The one voice missing from this conversation? You guessed it: Gupp.

baby, pls cum home

Tags gupp, twitter

Technology

Twitter squashes profit bug that “protected users”

Post author By Hatesec
Post date April 9, 2020
3 Comments on Twitter squashes profit bug that “protected users”

INTERNET — At long last, Twitter has removed a petulant privacy bug from the platform that prevented advertisers from gaining necessary access to sensitive details about the entire user base.

A valuable option in Twitter’s privacy settings called “Share your data with trusted affiliates” once enabled trust between consumers and good-natured cookie salesmen. Now, that special trust can never be disabled. It is being heralded as a day of light, disinfecting some of Twitter’s darkest corners.

The staggering effect of this devastating boon to customer relations will expand throughout the Internet, according to Dr. Anstrom H. Troubadour of the Internet Chronicle Institute of Advanced Intelligent Learning.

“We all aged a little faster, today,” Troubadour said.

I’m Dr. Troubadour, and I know shit. In case you don’t know I know shit by what I am saying, you can still tell by how I’m saying it.

Twitter users in the barbarian regions of the European Union, and United Kingdom, will have to opt in – like animals – to sharing their much needed private details with advertisers representing Kellogg’s, part of a complete breakfast, Google, whose slogan is “Don’t be evil,” and the beloved Disney who brought you such motherfuckers as Bambi, The Lion King, and Robin Hood.

Selling your data is the most important thing in this world to Twitter. Before providing anything to friends, family or loved ones, Troubadour advises readers to first share marketing data with trusted privacy-aware partners at Twitter.com, as tidings of good cheer for all they do for us.

Twitter has a long way to go before their work is finished restoring relations between advertisers, users, and their precious, life-sustaining data. Settings like “disable web tracking” still pose a threat to those relations. What are you afraid they’ll find?

Additionally, loopholes in the law continue to obstruct the free flow of such vital information as your name, email address, phone number, and username.

“Because the American legislation system is so MESSED UP,” Troubaour said, “Twitter profits didn’t grow fast enough last quarter. It seems, rather unfairly, that no amount of lobbying Congress can save us. Like the coronavirus, this threat to privacy is a global issue. It’s going to take more than a gift basket, or a handjob, to start explicitly selling usernames.”

With everyone stuck in their homes, now is the perfect chance for a pure measurement of our social value, so hop on Twitter, and show the advertisers who you really are!