urine Archives — Internet Chronicle

Coming this summer
brought to you by
Creamworks Pictures
in association with
Lebal Drocer, Incorporated

From creator Harry Meinschlong comes “Pee Movie”, a comedy that will change everything you know about pee. Take a close look at the world through the eyes of one pee-drinker in particular – Jenny Jame Ison (Emma Watson). A recent high school dropout, Jenny wants more than the inevitable career that awaits her and every other aspiring actress in East L.A. – a job at the fake flower plant…making fake flowers. Jenny jumps at the chance to venture out of the trailer park, and soon encounters a world beyond her wildest dreams. When Jenny inadvertently meets a quirky pornographer named Roland (Morgan Freeman), she breaks one of the cardinal rules of Catholicism – she takes the back door as a method of contraception. A friendship with benefits soon develops, and Jenny gets a guided crash course in the ways of the movie industry. When she shockingly discovers that anyone can download a piss-fetish smut film for free off the internet, she realizes that her true calling is to stop media piracy and set the world right by being the best damn pee-drinker on the Lower East Side and creating a pornographic film so good, every American family learns in two hours’ time the rewards of paying for her precious golden honey showers, or pay the blue price of balls.

Vultures Of The Human Kingdom

The vulture cleans up messes in nature, which would otherwise cause health problems. They don’t attack healthy animals, but focus on dead and dying animals. Botulinum toxin, the toxin that causes botulism, does not affect them, and they can eat rotten flesh containing anthrax, rabies, and cholera bacteria, with no ill health effects. The vulture’s sense of smell is so great, that they are able to smell the dead they focus upon from great heights. Vast numbers have been seen upon battlefields. They gorge themselves when prey is abundant, until their stomach bulges, and then sit, sleepy and groggy, until they digest their food. These birds are of great value as scavengers, especially in hot regions, as they are one of the rare scavengers that can survive in hot, arid, desert regions. They are able to survive in blistering hot temperatures because they shit on their legs, and the water evaporating from their shit cools their body down.

The decline in vultures has led to hygiene problems in India, as carcasses of dead animals now tend to rot, or be eaten by rats or wild dogs, rather than be tidied up by vultures. Rabies among these other scavengers is a major health threat. India has one of the world’s highest incidences of rabies.

As valuable as vultures are to mankind, they do not get the appreciation they deserve.

The human vultures of the world don’t get the appreciation they deserve either. Just like vultures eat dead animals so that they won’t spread disease, homeless people rifle through our trash to take our half eaten food, so it won’t turn rotten and spread disease. So, when you see a bum rummaging through your trash, keep in mind that, just like their airborne brethren the vulture, they are doing us a service.

Elf Wax zoologists have discovered that homeless people tend to smell so bad because they go to the bathroom on themselves. One theory is that, like the vulture, the homeless rely on water evaporating from the excrement and urine in their pants to keep themselves cool.

Just as vultures are able to live on only the carcasses of dead and diseased animals, the homeless are able to live on only the spare change and discarded food of the working.

The homeless, like the vulture, have evolved into a creature that can survive in almost any region, and sustain themselves on the waste of others. These misunderstood creatures are truly miracles of nature, and should be revered for their adaptability……..not scorned.