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Entertainment Hate Special Interest

Rick Astley battles accusations of child molestation

Rick Astley
The pop singer of internet stardom has been accused of molesting children.

Astley to give it up?

INTERNET – Rick Astley battles fresh accusations of child molestation, which surfaced Monday on YouTube.

Accusers arrived in full force, leaving graphic remarks surrounding the wretched details of his case.

News broke around 2 a.m. EST after events came to light. Stay tuned, and refresh: we will update this story as details come to light.

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Editorial

State of the Internet address

People can’t really do anything meaningful without the media labeling it. People can’t have a loud enough voice without being labeled a “spokesperson.” (see: Bob Dylan of the 1960s)

See also: Moralfag Anonymous decidedly fucked

Identifying every single thing that happens with a keyword destroys any value it might have accrued on an Internet flooded with “news” blogs whose sole purpose is to sell advertising space. We should know. Look to the right –>

anonymous
Alex Jones stole this to use at disinfo.org

You can’t find an informative, well-written article about something anymore because it has been totally buried by ignorance, or worse – pure disinformation – contained in forty five thousand pages “optimized” for search engines.

The spread of information doesn’t know the difference between right and wrong. A poisonous ideology will often spread faster than a useful one. For example, the idea that Anonymous, by its very “nature,” can’t be corrupted was so absurd, we just had to report on it. Remember Sabu? Arrested June 7th: Check ’em.

“It’s become an awful disease.”

Kilgore Trout, legendary inventor of Anon Porn, now known as “Sexy Fawkes”

As a satire site, the chronicle.su is compelled to produce disinformation culture faster than society can arrive at it naturally, just to prove that it’s possible, just because we can.

So, keep at it Internet. We’re always right behind you . . . or a step ahead of you.

Frank Mason
Editor, chronicle.su

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Categories
Entertainment Special Interest

Anonymous spawns new type of pr0n

AnonPr0n comes in BBW flavor!

Anonymous has created its own politically minded anarchic subculture within the deepest depths of the internet. Until now, it has not had its own brand of porn. However, a new genre has emerged that features actors wearing the distinctive “Guy Fawkes” masks, borrowed from the Hollywood blockbuster V for Vendetta. Several major producers from the Porn industry have eagerly jumped on the Anonymous bandwagon only to be disappointed with their profits.

AnonPr0n, as it has become known, is generating very little sales. Chronicle.SU reached one AnonPr0n director for comment. He wished to remain Anonymous. “They just want to pirate this stuff–there’s basically no way to make money off of it. As soon as the material is available, it hits the torrents.”

The message is clear: put on the Guy Fawkes mask and you will soon be fucking a girl like this.

The AnonPr0n phenomenon is not limited merely to commercial porn producers. True to form, many female members of Anonymous have begun to produce their own amateur AnonPr0n. “AnonyMiss,” a sub-cult of female Anons, is churning out self-made images designed to lure in new recruits.

The shocking images here are just the beginning. Fapping furiously, thousands of Anons are firing up Photoshop to create fakes. For all purposes, they will be just as good as the real thing. The mind reels at the implications for poopsex, gore, transexual, analgape, and yes–even childporn. We advise our readers to turn off their computers and cancel their internet service. Forever.

UPDATE: Anons have created a “Sexy Fawkes” meme, ripping off “AnonPr0n” and rebranding it as something original. You can view these scary boner-killing images at http://sexyfawkes.tumblr.com/