Categories
Trolling

Dox Fly in Wicked Clown Hacker Battle

Dox fly as Wicked Clown Hackers caught in shocking feud!
Dox fly as Wicked Clown Hackers caught in shocking feud!

INTERNET — Dox flew, Monday evening, as Wicked Clown hacker ShadowDXS found himself in an Internet feud against fellow Juggalo hacker “th3j35t3r.” ShadowDXS, known for elite smartphone interfaces, lambasted self-proclaimed patriot th3j35t3r (hacker speak for “The Jester”).

The Jester’s laptop — emblazoned with the ‘hatchet man’ logo of Insane Clown Posse — is on display at the the Spy Museum in Washington D.C. The Jester used this laptop to shut down terrorist web sites, saving countless American lives.

Many outside of the Juggalo family stigmatize and devalue the Faygo-drinking subculture – including the FBI – who recently declared Juggalos a “gang.” However, expert and cultural anthropolgist Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador, who has lived with Juggalos for years, studying their habits and mimicking their behaviors, dismissed the “dumb juggalo” stereotype. “I’ve met Juggalos who are doctors, businessmen, CEO’s of major corporations,” Troubadour explained. “Met a rocket scientist at the gathering last year! Woop Woop! So it doesn’t surprise me at all that Juggalos are some of the world’s most elite and skilled hackers.”

What both parties refuse to acknowledge, however, is that none of this shit matters.

Hacker feuds such as the one between ShadowDXS and The Jester often lead to the posting of supposed “dox” or information on the hidden secret identity of the hacker. Monday evening’s feud is no different. The Jester publicly announced the new home address and significant other to ShadowDXS, at which point Shadow alluded to the supposed weaknesses of Jester’s SSH keys.

According to Erica Moorehead, chief editor of Juggalette (a juggalo magazine for women), it is fabled that “Anonymous” got the idea to cover their faces with masks from the Insane Clown Posse.

“Both groups maintain anti-establishment personas while advancing pro-Christian agendas,” Moorehead said. “Both groups carry the burden of many public failures, yet they are adored by the masses. Many juggalos say they feel persecuted. Most hackers agree there is a system of persecution in place, designed to destroy them from the inside out. In short, there is a lot of intersectionality between Anonymous and Juggalo culture.”

Moorehead added, “Many hackers fail to respect basic tenets of life in a society – discounting the virtues of interpersonal interaction, common decency and even bathing. It is the system holding them back,” she said, “because they don’t respect the system, and it seems some of them can find that anchor in The Family.”

Categories
Fashion Reviews

Hide From Yourself In One of Nine Beautiful Hong Kong Locations

Political Asylum Hong Kong Hidey Hole
Slowly accept the inevitable in a plush Lebal Drocer suite.

You are God.

You control the world, the grass, dirt and the Heavens. You spin the galaxies, and drive them apart with an as-yet-unexplained force known only to men as “dark matter.”

Managing creation can tucker out even the most vengeful of Gods, so spend your 7th day at Hong Kong’s famous Wealthy Political Asylum Getaway – a modern-day hacker’s paradise complete with VPNs and a direct line to Xi Jinping for disclosing national secrets as soon as they’re discovered.

The Wealthy Political Asylum Getaway has serviced such legendary political dissidents as Vic LivingstonCommander X, th3j35t3r, John Tiessen and media darling Edward Snowden.

Tired Gods of this world need a place to hide away, collect themselves, and distribute child porn.

The NSA knows where you stay. Do you think you can get out in time?

This message has been brought to you generously by Lebal Drocer, Inc. We own Wealthy Political Asylum Getaway Hotel Resorts & Casinos, and have used our monetary power to gain access to private information, your most sacred data, things you thought we would never know about, and we did it all – thanks to our friends at the NSA – just for you. Because we care. That’s the Lebal Drocer Promise™.

Categories
Hate News Politics Uncontrollable Patriotism World

Tom Ryan Spearheads Cyberwar on the DPRK

cocks
Under Armor Spokesman, @th3j35t3r Attacks North Korea

Under the moniker @th3j35t3r, a little-known Twitter account, Tom Ryan of Provide Security is currently gearing up for cyber war with North Korea, Anonymous in tow.

After a series of test runs against mom-and-pop DPRK websites, we see Tom Ryan, aka John Tiessen, as possessing the ability to completely cripple the entire infrastructure of North Korea’s Internets. While working with OWASP on Web app exploitation, in the mid ’90’s Ryan developed — with the help of a DARPA contract and Adrian Lamo —  a tool known only as XerXes, which sends “packets” to a given “serve,”, causing it to go offline temporarily. Some say it was also developed to really annoy Ron Brynaert.

This method, while not new, is very new and effective. The source code of XerXes has been hidden from the world for over two decades and far surpasses everything from WinNuke to LOIC/HOIC.

So is this a military operation? Is this what the NSA has been planning for years, General Keith Alexander at the helm? Or is this just a completely superfluous news article about something so utterly boring no one is reading?

We asked #hatesec’s Chairman of the Board Kevin Eubanks for comment, but all we got were some fucking lame jazz fusion licks instead.