Great, Great, Great Triple-Dip Depression Forecasted Next Year

The economy is going to fail as part of a self-fulfilling media prophecy. Media psychosis has set in and paranoia of a worsening economy will manifest itself as a reality. The economy will fail not tomorrow, next week, or next month. The economy will fail sometime late next year.

The rapture the other week was nothing compared to the upcoming depression. The oncoming economic fall will set the gap between the rich and the poor so that crime and terrorism will become the only means for social mobility. We are entering an era of crime and domestic terrorism the likes of which the world has never seen.

Comparisons to the Great Depression have already been made, but in the future these comparisons will no longer apply. The oncoming depression will be so terrible that it will be the new standard for comparison. Violent xenophobia will lead to a surge in nationalism that cites terror as the excuse for mass murder. Genocide and holocaust will become words too meaningless to describe the lifeless nuclear wastelands of radiation.

Yet this is all according to plan. The lives led in fear that feed into the spiral of death and suicide energize the reptile-like leaders who pull the levers. The white man fears the Arab, enslaves him, and kills him. All according to plan. The system has had a monkey wrench thrown in it by its owners, because it was too efficient. Are we watching as the machine rattles itself to death, or is our constant attention what’s killing it? THE MACHINE MUST DIE!!!!!1 If it doesn’t stop churning out widgets, everything will very soon be completely free. We are shooting ourselves in the foot to avoid the capitalist nightmare, a world where everyone is filthy stinking rich and is given a free house and a free car. What they are calling an economic crisis is only a last minute attempt to stall the capitalist nightmare!

Welcome to tomorrow’s dystopia, today. Some day people may realize that everything they own is made by the machine, and currency is an outdated system serving as a mechanism for the exercise of power. That’ll be the day the world turns the lie machines off. Turn off your lie machines! Wake up! You have free will to do whatever you want! DO IT! Ignore the lie machines that tell you to calm down! Wake up!

The definitive guide to trolling the Tea Party

Trolling such hardened trolls as the Tea Party is one of the most difficult of trolls and has even been called “impossible” by some. However, Chronicle.SU has found the exploit and is gracious enough to share it with you. Some of these tactics have been adopted from Grady Warren, master troll and scam artist. Chronicle.SU has honed his method into a more subversive and powerful edge, which can certainly be polished further by the internet community at large.

Trolling Method:

  1. Begin with glittering pro American rhetoric that does nothing but praise the homeland. Use Sarah Palin’s speeches as a reference for super-effective catchphrases. Do not leave the slightest hint of sarcasm here! You must love America! Make the best possible use of American imagery.
  2. Avoid mentioning the Tea Party by name. Any attacks on the holy name of the Tea Party will be instantly deflected by deep love for the “savior” of America. Instead, attack individuals. Attack any places that Tea Party members congregate. Avoid saying questionable things about anything that falls under the sacred banner of the Tea Party.
  3. Tea Party members are largely illiterate, so video or audio is the preferable medium. Make the most creative use of any audio or video site where you think Tea Party members are likely to congregate. Radio shows like Sean Hannity are especially troll-proof, but I have heard at least one good troll get through and PWN the fuck out of Hannity. It isn’t impossible with the right plan. Open lines Friday gives the most leeway for trolling. This type of radio show absolutely loves to hear from young conservatives.
  4. Troll on the right platform! A video on LiveLeak will go a lot farther to troll Tea Party members than a video on YouTube. Anything that is used by young people is completely useless for trolling the Tea Party.
  5. The Tea Party wishes that more young people and minorities were involved in their movement. It helps their poor image as a bunch of old racists. Use your status as a young person or minority for leverage when developing your Troll. This will go a long way towards success.
  6. Keep your target audience in mind. They are old people who are afraid of everything except never ending war.
  7. Keep the heart of your troll mild and undetectable. If that is not your style, save the outlandish statements for the end. Always have the response you want in mind, and be an effective troll. Practice trolling on 4chan if you’ve never trolled before. Take notes from successful trolls. There is nothing sadder than a complete n00b desperately trying to troll the Tea Party. Don’t give up if you don’t get it right the first time. The Tea Party is the hardest troll out there.

Here is an example of the super-rare Tea Party troll as successfully carried out by the glorious Chronicle.SU.

A message to “LiveLeak”


Political Fail Blog: THE MONEY MACHINE

Merchandising for liberty – what could be a noble cause – has become something beyond disgusting at the Political Fail Blog. Matt Gratz has never written an article, and created a “blog” with the most piss-poor graphic design on the entire internet. He’s obviously raking in the dough, since he can afford to advertise his shitty Anonymous-derived merchandise on Facebook.

The Political Fail Blog is not a blog. Nearly all the material is republished in a thinly veiled attempt to drum up traffic.

It appears that a small group of writers have actually pumped out a whopping twenty original pieces for this “blog,” the bulk of which are xenophobic rants about the dangers of flouride, aliens, obesity, and the illnesses that are hiding in your food. Who gives a fuck?!? I’d bet anything Matt Gratz doesn’t pay his writers a dime. It’s one thing to spam your own shitty writing to AnonNews like we do here at the Chronicle, but another to use it to make a buck on the writing of others. Good luck with that, fuckwad!

Editor’s Note: republished one (or more) chronicle.SU pieces and even though they followed the exact same ad-traffic formula as the political fail blog, we did not give a fuck.

We came out today only because the political fail blog is so full of fail.