Infiltrators spoil Occupy movement

This video highlights all the different types of infiltrators.

Government plants have invaded the Occupy movement, and no, they are not just the Black Bloc vandals. These plants are screaming bloody murder about how incredibly peaceful they are as they thrash around and resist arrest. These provocateurs are doing a perfect job at ruining all the good intentions of the movement, disgracing what was once a peaceful protest. Rather than calmly sitting through arrests, provocateurs stage histrionic fits for news cameras and disgrace the otherwise peaceful protest.

Rather than broadcasting the many instances of excessive police force, the government has forced media to air these shameful “protesters” resisting arrest. These tantrums might appear to be the predictable behavior of spoiled first world middle class brats, but don’t be fooled. These are highly sophisticated agent provocateurs who know exactly how to best discredit the 99%.

1%er and Republican plant, Michael Moore, is touring from occupation to occupation, promoting his latest book and filming a new documentary. Anonymous has fired back with “#OpFatty,” threatening, and in true style, not following up with doxing of Moore. Andrew Breitbart, a Democrat plant, is feigning interest in #OpFatty because he is also a fatty and may find himself in the cross hairs of  Anonymous.

Occupy Wall Street lobbies for prolapsed rectum coverage under Obamacare: Get the fuck off the streets

We don’t want to see these fucking homeless people congregating at Occupy events because their existence is illegal. Just like the encampments, it’s illegal. Since when is camping in public places the freedom of assembly? Shit, if you’re out of work, go find it. It’s as simple as that. Not working is illegal – it’s called vagrancy – and you have no excuse not to have a job. Get off the streets.

Now motherfuckers are getting shot, and when you bring all these homeless and mentally ill drug addicts into one area without giving them the business, that’s what should be expected. Rapes, overdoses, murders, shootings – these things are all the fault of the Occupy movement and not a symptom of a failing economy that leaves its less fortunate children to the streets. If anything, this economy gives more opportunities than any other country in the fucking world because America’s fucking great and you’d be stupid to say otherwise. Would you rather be in China? If so, get off the streets and go to China. Enjoy communism.

I mean these monkeys are out there smearing their shit into the sidewalk and fucking openly on the street. What kind of sick fucks think this is okay? This is how they demand free money from the government? Sickening. You know what these creeps are? They’re a bunch of whining uneducated kids full of first world problems. Again, get off the streets and read a book. I suggest starting with Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged.

But oh no, my bowel’s prolapsed from too much anal fucking, can you please pay for it with some Obamacare? Yeah, now waste that government money researching a cure to AIDS, which I got from my reckless and impulsive behavior. Mmmm yeah I’m getting high on this government cheese, payin’ for my medical marijuana. Obamacare’s soooo dank.

These feces deserve what they get and I don’t want my tax money wasted on their lavish entitlements. Shut it all fucking down. All we need is a military and a president to send them at our enemies (Muslims). That’s what the founding fathers imagined. Business will sort itself out. All this regulation does is waste money turning people into limp-dicked Occupy types who live off of food stamps and cry bloody murder when they aren’t handed a free sex change operation.

These Occupy fucks obviously never knew discipline as children. They were brought up in an age when spanking (necessary) was frowned upon. Now look at what’s happened. People are dying in the streets just so they can get MORE handouts from a government that’s TRILLIONS in debt.

These people are Traitors.

Wanted: th3j35t3r

Barrett Brown’s recent campaign against the murderous Zeta cartel has provoked Brown’s enemies into a doxing frenzy. The Jester’s cadre of “whitehat” hackers have managed to publish Brown’s current address, forcing Brown to borrow money from his followers on Twitter for a quick flight to New York. It is not clear if his family members, who have also been outed by Jester’s group, will be able to lobby Twitter for an escape as well.

Yes, Barrett Brown has slandered Asheville District Attorney Ron Moore. Yes, Brown’s campaign against the Zetas is incredibly stupid and will most likely lead to violence. But there’s still a miniscule chance that Ron Moore is guilty of something and Brown is actually withholding the proof for some unimaginable reason. Anyway, we have chosen not to really fucking care about that anymore. Since Barrett Brown has decided to become an hero, we are going to cut him a little slack to respect his final days. The fucking Jester and his crew, who attacked and threatened Chronicle.SU staff, must be dealt with.

The Jester cadre’s brand of passive violence is reprehensible and will not be tolerated. That is why the Chronicle.SU has joined Barrett Brown by offering a $500 cash reward for proven information revealing the identity of Jester.

Herman Cain plans secret divorce with infuriated wife

Don't be fooled by this picture. Gloria's gained a lot of weight lately after finding out her husband only sexually harasses ugly women at work.

Herman Cain’s wife is mad as hell that she hasn’t been the target of sexual harassment in nearly 15 years. She’s filed for a secret divorce under pressure from militant Tea Party militia men acting as Cain’s personal guard and trying really hard to prove that they aren’t racist. Secretly, they loathe Cain because he has more money than them.

Cain continues to malign his wife’s fat ass publicly, stating Gloria is 200% his wife.

Anonymous hacked Herman Cain’s wife’s e-mails to find this bullshit out and asked Chronicle.SU to disseminate the secret divorce. While no one on the internet really gives a fuck about Herman Cain because he’s a capable public speaker who knows when to 999 instead of John Wayne Gacey, Anonymous is fucking pissed off because that’s their default state.

At the next debate, before taking a drag off of a cigarette, we expect Cain to sexually harass Michele Bachmann and then give his slow troll grin for the cameras.

The following is a transcript of Herman Cain committing statutory rape on one of many hundreds of pizza delivery wenches he raped while CEO of Godfather’s pizza, as released by Anonymous.

Yeah baby you like that?

Yeah I fucking like that shit baby, give it to me.

Oh looks like your vagina is ready for sex, I will give you a generous raise after this dicking.

Fuck yeah nigga, you’re a big man.

Yeah I like it when you call me nigga, bitch. Swallow that cum. Yeah bitch.


President Obama OKs Plan to Remove All Curvy Profiles From OKCupid

“Nobody wants ’em anyway,” added the President.

That people corner all the fungus in your frame

take it easy

I wanna live a life in vain

Make it women

god damn humanity vortex

You sit there with your fucking smartphones (smarter than you are), eyes sucked into them like a god damn humanity vortex. Is there anything more important than a fucking text message in this world? How about the fact we are all walking around in a motherfucking society?

“Nah, man. Nah, you see there’s this person sent me a text.”

Yeah, I get texts too and I don’t live to check and reply to them. I let that shit wait, why? Because it’s a fucking SMS sitting on a SIM-card. Why should I give a fuck somebody text me? You know what I do when I get a text? Options > Erase All. Because I don’t fucking care about your texts OR your phone calls.

Obama likes to Occupy Wall Street, if you know what I mean folks. I mean he is IN THOSE FUCKEN OFFICES REGULATING LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER – just kidding, deregulating neoliberal globalism FTW UP IN HERE. WHERE MY BANKERZ @

“We’re right here sir.” Oh, good. Present thine penids so that I may sucketh thee.

Bankers present penids.


Fuck you.

Sunday Prayer for the Internets

This prayer is for all the thousands of visitors funneled into Chronicle.SU from google, believing they have found a pornography web site. Take your hands off your penis and kneel for this. When your family left for church this morning and you refused to go, we know it was so you could masturbate to Internet porn when everyone left the house. This prayer is for you.

Let us pray.

Hallowed be our Lord and Savior Inglip, director of cats and CEO of the Internets.
On this Sunday, make us strong oh Lord, for we have sinned.
We have walked through the valley of the shadow of /b/,
We have bickered with your followers on Twitter,
We have masturbated to your porn twice a day,
And we have streamed illegal content directly into our hard drives.
Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.
Lead us not into Anonymous,
For thine is the glory,
The Power
And the Internets

Amen Leader “Done In”

totallyfalse.infoLadies and Gentlemen, it has come to my attention that our dear compatriot Nick Maccombs of the has abandoned helm of the fine publication

It is my regret to inform you all Maccombs suffers from Parkinson’s disease, which is no laughing matter. Additionally, he has finally succumbed to a long battle with Alzheimer’s. Nurses close to the editor said he’s “all fucked up” and “pretty much done in.” Nick has forgotten his passwords to everything, and is no longer capable of going online.

It is with great pleasure I announce hereby reserves the right to the Maccombs estate, including the domain, as relinquished upon apprenticeship to Lebal Drocer, Inc. and her subsidiaries – [outlined in the Legal section of this site.] This includes all intellectual property rights and access to personal finances.

Let us pray:

Dear Lord, we ask that you protect Maccombs on his holy quest. We ask that you make all the dinosaur bones go away, so that people will stop pointing to Nick as proof of your nonexistence, Dear Lord.

As I walk through /b/ in the shadow of death, I need do no evil, for you are with me; thy rod and thy staff, they comfort and pleasure me.



All rise.

Except you, Nick.

Rest in Peace.

This message brought to you infinitely by Lebal Drocer, Inc.