Categories
Health News

Toast Sandwich craze sweeps Britain

The Chef serves up a piece of toast, cleverly sandwiched between two pieces of untoasted bread. (This image is used without permission)

The Royal Society of Chemistry unveiled a delicious new sandwich, rediscovered from the golden Victorian era. The toast sandwich, a piece of toast between two pieces of untoasted bread, is touted as the cheapest lunch possible. UK residents have celebrated this incredible discovery by throwing lavish toast sandwich parties, as they are finally able to afford to eat a healthy meal full of necessary vitamins and minerals.

Gerard Loffington-Starkley spoke high praise of his new favorite meal, “I fucking love toast sandwiches they taste so fucking good and saved me enough money to finally afford toothpaste. Hopefully in another week my gums will stop bleeding from all this fucking toast I eat at every single meal!”

The Royal Society of Chemistry has offered an extremely generous reward of £200 for anyone who can come up with a cheaper meal. Some have already suggested cutting the toast sandwich to only one piece of bread, but the Royal Society has denied such innovators any reward. Lord of Chemistry, Sir Mitchell Dunkworthington III, said “That doesn’t even count as a different type of sandwich, it’s just the same thing with less bread. No prize.”

Austerity is finally coming full circle for the people of Great Britain, and with ingenious ideas like the toast sandwich, the British empire may finally be seeing a glimmer of hope for the end of this terrible economic collapse.

Categories
Hate

Geo and sp00k engage in flame war to win the affection of Chronicle staff

goldieofhawnTwo complete loser fans of the Chronicle.SU hijacked the comment section earlier today for an exchange of weak ass insults. The old woman, Spook, attacked soon-to-be-dropout Geo’s verifiable unwarranted self-importance while continuing to taunt Geo successfully using logical fallacies and immature insults. Geo struck back with his generalized righteous indignation, belittling Spook for her obvious lack of sophistication.

The Chronicle basked in hatred as the writers and editors absorbed the malice from this flame war like the emotional vampires we are. Hyper-aware that this is all just a pissing contest to win the Chronicle’s undying attention and respect, Chronicle staff was entirely indifferent, only interested in instigating the hatred via direct messages on Twitter.

Spook’s former Twitter handles were released to Geo and the US government via pointed tweets. Her paranoia was palpable. Geo quickly seized hold of this weakness and now appears to have the upper hand, chastising Spook for her homophobia as she continues to insist that Geo is in fact a faggot.

Both parties need to step it up and resort to the most desperate measures possible.

Categories
Special Interest

The Chronicle is BACK

Trollman Cain