Oprah Converts Entire Studio Audience To Islam

Oprah’s new slogan, “Join or Die,” has some supporters scratching their heads.

DAMASCUS, Syria – Philosopher and television star Oprah Winfrey converted every member of her studio audience to Islam Monday during a new show on the O. Network in which she discusses existence and the metaphysical.

Stagehands appeared behind . . .

Online peace activists can’t wait for Syria bombing

“I told you so”

INTERNET – According to a new study, an overwhelming majority of online peace activists just want President Obama to get on with bombing Syria.

The study, conducted by the non-partisan Pew Research Center, found that 91% of internet users who identify as peace activists are increasingly impatient to condemn . . .

The Power of Anonymous

A polemic cartoon contrasts the no-prisoners humor of the “Old Anonymous” with the humorless “New Anonymous.”

Pranks that required hundreds or even thousands of participants found a regular home at the anonymous humor forum 4chan, where the mythical Anonymous wrote the pranks as much as the pranksters wrote the myths. An all-powerful internet . . .

After failed senate bid, Assange supporters in Anonymous assault fringe parties

Assange received news of his failure in the Australian election and called on Anonymous to destroy his enemies.

INTERNET — Julian Assange’s highly publicized bid for the Australian senate has failed after his controversial Libertarian-allied Wikileaks party received just over half a percent of votes. Other fringe parties which received even less votes, . . .

New market for cancerous flesh drives rise in tumor prices

A new tumor eating fad has swept through Southeast Asia, attracting many adventurous tourists to “Cancer Delis”

BANGOLA — “Cancer Delis” are making waves across Southeast Asia, as jet-set tourists seek increasingly bizarre and rare foods. Many different types of tumors are served at these delis with malignant pig brain tumors fetching some . . .

EXCLUSIVE: Coalition graphic designer says Turnbull “full of shit”

The Internet Chronicle‘s new Australian reporter, Anime El Khalifi, speaks exclusively with the graphic designer who produced the government-in-waiting’s new Online Child Safety policy document… twice.

AUSTRALIA – The graphic designer who produced both versions of the Coalition’s new Online Child Safety policy document says the Shadow Minister for Communications is “full of shit, mate”.

. . .

NSA using Squirrels to pick up wireless signals

The NSA is using ‘cyborg’ Squirrels to eavesdrop on the Iranian nuclear weapons program.

INTERNET —  Iranian sources report that small chips implanted in squirrel populations have been found containing data on sensitive nuclear weapons projects. These advanced chips are powered by kinetic energy from the scurrying of the animal. In the presence . . .

BND: Hezbollah claims Assad used Sarin, via @gebauerspon

Syria President Bashar al-Assad is allied with Hezbollah

WASHINGTON – The president of the Germany’s foreign intelligence service said Monday that his organization had wiretapped a high-level Lebanese militia member, who believed that Syrian President Bashar al-Assad had used chemical weapons. In a secret briefing to lawmakers, Gerhard Schinder, president of the Bundesnachrichtendienst, or BND . . .

DRUG-Fueled Illuminati SEX Parties Exposed by @JFelloWWMT

The Swingers Brothel of Battle Creek

BATTLE CREEK, Mich. – Staff for The Internet Chronicle can confirm a report from WWMT Battle Creek that the Illuminati have been caught doing drugs and taping each other having sex. The Illuminati believe that they derive mystical power from the production of sex tapes.

The police were . . .

Dubai firm plans Islamic Space Monument

Artist’s rendition of the artificial crescent moon over Dubai.

DUBAI — The Center for the Advancement of Islam, whose offices are located on the top floor of the world’s largest skyscraper, Burj Khalifa, announced plans on Tuesday for a hundred billion dollar project to place a permanent monument in orbit around the Lagrange . . .