US-backed bombing of Yemen surprises no one

All four top advisers to the UN Human Rights Council were bored with the predictable news of the US backing a Saudi push into Iranian-allied territories
All four top advisers to the UN Human Rights Council were bored with the predictable news of the US backing a Saudi push into Iranian-allied territories
All four top advisers to the UN Human Rights Council were bored by the predictable news of a US-backed Saudi push into Yemen.

WASHINGTON, D.C. Literally no one was shocked to learn of a Saudi Arabian airstrike against the Haradh district of northern Yemen on Monday.

Angstrom Trodlinyiavic, a chief member of the UN human rights council, said he is surprised the bombing only targeted military installations, when everyone knows it is the barbaric women and children of Yemen who are to blame for their country’s upheaval.

“I am only in favor of toppling dictators who oppose American interests,” Troubadour said. “Human rights abuses by Hosni Mubarak to Saddam Hussein had no rhyme or reason. Those men were tyrants. Barack Hussein, on the other hand, and Abdullah of Saudi Arabia only skirt human rights when they absolutely need to. That is the difference with which I rationalize this contradictory, and offensive, narrative.”

A Saudi-led coalition of desert warriors is forming a united military front against the Iranian controlled Houthi militiamen, who are known within intelligence communities to be dangerously equipped with the world’s most advanced pointed sticks and semiautomatic small arms. As the group advances south, toward the city of Aden, Yemen President Rabbu Mansour Hadi is feeling greater pressure than ever to sign off on construction of a new chain of Arby’s restaurants across the northern region of the country.

Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour under investigation in peer-review scandal

Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour's latest book, Troll Medicine, is under scrutiny amid yet another media-invented 'peer-review scandal.'
Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour's latest book, Troll Medicine, is under scrutiny amid yet another media-invented 'peer-review scandal.'
Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour’s latest book, Troll Medicine, is under scrutiny amid yet another media-invented ‘peer-review scandal.’

What might normally constitute a paralyzing blow to an independent doctor’s career did not move Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour, whose wealthy financiers include none other than Lebal Drocer Pharmaceuticals, the powerful medicine firm that allegedly paid the journal Nature to introduce the untested “miracle drug” TerrorMax to an unassuming and naive readership of scientists and medical scholars.

Court records show Troubadour faked more than 33 “peer reviews” forcing The Internet Chronicle to revoke several articles referencing him. To be clear, all of Dr. Truebadour’s articles that are factual and accurate remain published under his pseudonym, Troubedaur.

Dr. Troubedauer said after the witch hunt dies down, he plans to go on vacation in the beautiful former bomb testing site, the beautiful Nye County, Nv.

“After they quit trying to figure out ‘who’s a real doctor and who’s a fake’ – nonsense, if you ask me – I aim to go out West and prove radiation poisoning is a myth,” Troubedoure said. “I think it is a shame these fake reports came to light. People need to be more careful, like Monsanto. Now there’s a company with its priorities in order.”

Related stories:

Recreational Drug Advice from real doctor, Angstrom H. Troubedaur

Peer-Reviewed TerrorMax Journal Entry cleared for publication, Troubadour acquitted of fraud

Nationwide Advertising “written by computer”

INTERNET — Nationwide’s latest crazed marketing campaign is based on a software reconstruction and a “quantum leap” in what’s called generative propaganda creation, which has not been possible until now because of the monstrous bulk of data it must collect.

“When corporations are people, you’re a child.” ~ Neil Young

Instead of using traditional focus group techniques, Nationwide’s top-tier advertising draws from the Big Data of Google, Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, Amazon, Apple, Microsoft, and various Private Intelligence contractors who harvest data in ongoing botnets built into every computer on earth, with the exception of certain revolutionary cryptosystems pioneered by Richard Stallman.

Nationwide’s post-propaganda commercials inspire a pernicious hypnotism over the largest swathes of the population, muting out a flat unemotional cord that is consistently paedo-sadist. Nationwide has not perfected a mirror revealing the truth of humanity, it is rendering the advertiser’s mission of mind rape more clearly than ever.

I do not block out or turn off all ads because I feel a duty to understand and undo their programming for my fellow humans. If you listen to Alex Jones you are being programmed in the most insidious way, because it is a blue pill with a red pill coating. But they always are. That is the history, the reality, and the whole truth of all mankind: blue pills with red pill coatings, but why take pills when weed cures cancer? So There ya go. But this, this really happened: I noticed the Verizon building that is only two blocks from my house — for the very first time in at least five years. It was freezing out, but I swear there were heat waves comin’ off of it. Probably, telecoms were the first to grasp hold of this incredible source, sitting at the terminals of data, suckin on its incredible mindcontrol pool and they’re ahead of the game. Five years, they’d occupied that “blindspot” in my perception. That indiscriminate boxy Verizon building was sloppin’ up spacetime and tryin’ to hide it, but I saw it. And I can tell you, I’m a believer hell is here on earth and that was a little glimpse.

Even as I write this, I’m bogged down with computer glitches and they make the words shift under me as I type them out.

Ex-ISIS militant tells story of homosexual gang rape orgies

This little boy survived a gang raping from ISIS with such resilience that he was immediately initiated into ISIS and promoted to executioner.
This little boy survived a gang raping from ISIS with such resilience that he was immediately initiated into ISIS and promoted to executioner.

INTERNET — A former ISIS militant told reporters, after escaping into Turkey, that ISIS is, in his words, “A homosexual circlejerk, faggotry of the most despicable type imaginable.”

Speaking under condition of anonymity, the militant said, “You always hear about the sweet little white girls getting married off to big bad men in ISIS, but they don’t care for women except to pump out babies. What turns the fucks on are the nightly all-male orgies, and in their twisted reading of Islam, this disgusting stuff is smiled upon by Allah.”

The militant shrugged when explaining his logic for risking his life to flee ISIS, saying, “I was all for a holy war but not the gay stuff, so I quit. Didn’t worry about my life.”

Grinding his teeth in anger, the militant seethed, “First they light this huge brick of hash in this tiny little tent packed with big bearded men, and it just gets so smokey and everyone’s all screwed up. They rub up on each other, fondle and grab at each other, until they all get worked up and their cocks are real heard, and that’s when the circle jerking begins. They’re not much into ass fucking except when they capture a bunch of young boys, and that shit is so gruesome. These kids, sometimes infants, are just fucked to death, and there’s shit and blood all over their cocks. It’s an Ian Watkins nightmare.”

When asked if any of the rape victims survived, the militant nodded, “Oh, yeah, of course, in fact the survivors — if they’re young enough — they’re initiated and revered for their toughness, and they fight on the front lines of the battles. Those who survive but won’t fight are thrown off of roofs, so that ISIS can maintain its anti-gay image, but that’s all it is, an image. They know it sells well to the little white girls they need for breeding stock.”

Zayn Malik “changes direction,” joins ISIS

Zane Malik previously campaigned for muslim rights, but now he's gone to war for them.
Zayn Malik previously campaigned for muslim rights, but now he’s gone to war for them.

INTERNET — Boy band star Zayn Malik has joined forces with Islamic terrorist group ISIS, after his former group, One Direction, waned in popularity and was torn apart by feuding.

Authorities say Malik self-radicalized by interacting with jihadis on the social media web site Twitter. Malik deleted a tweet just a few days ago that said, “One Direction — Islam!”

Malik has already put his talents to use and joined the Chanting Emirs, a traditional music group that produces Islamic chants and propaganda pop tunes for the Islamic State, selling its edgy, sexy image particularly to teens fed up with Western values.

UPDATE: Young girls, smitten with Zayne, have promised to join ISIS on the #JoinISISforZayn hashtag in a bid for the possibility of being Zayn’s wife. The #cut4Zayn hashtag similarly encourages young women to cut themselves in a desperate plea to get Zayn to give up his life as a terrorist.

UFO prophet Rael announces shocking plan for all-clone cities promising immortality and free sex

Rael's plans for an all-clone city promise adherents endless worry-free sex as well as genetic immortality
Rael’s plans for an all-clone city promises adherents endless worry-free sex as well as genetic immortality

INTERNET — Rael, founder and prophet of the nascent world religion Raelism, announced Friday that his human cloning facility in New Jerusalem, Israel is transitioning out of experimental stages and into full reproductive capacities. Speaking in a live internet broadcast to an estimated 80,000 followers across the globe, Rael said, “Preparations for the imminent arrival of the Elohim are nearing their culmination. Now is the time for the great pilgrimage, where the faithful will amass at the embassy for the Elohim in New Jerusalem and cleanse themselves in preparation.”

An anonymous Raelist bishop spoke with the Internet Chronicle, suggesting that a human cloning facility with the capacity for 1,000 births per year was judged by Rael to be a sufficient quantity to replace a small city’s need for sexual reproduction. The bishop said, “I know it sounds like scifi, but we’re expecting at least 10,000 adherents to immediately move to New Jerusalem, where sexual reproduction will be made impossible.”

Describing the process of entrance into New Jerusalem, the anonymous bishop said, “First, each person’s DNA will be sampled and preserved in three secret locations using alternate techniques, and then they will be surgically or chemically sterilized, depending on recommendations of doctors. Then they are given a numbered tattoo which identifies and ties them permanently to their DNA. Upon death, their DNA will be pulled from the banks and if all goes to plan a new child will grow to adulthood and continue the life and projects of the deceased.”

The anonymous bishop explained that the concern among the top echelon of Raelism was that the religion would become too popular, “Those with a permanent sexually transmitted disease are either denied entry or given a special mark identifying their status. We’ve been concerned that the existing demand for genetic immortality and a safe environment free of sex disease and pregnancy might shock the religion with new converts and we definitely don’t want to turn people down.”

The Raelist bishop added, “Cloning is not that hard, or even that expensive, and we’ve perfected it on a fairly industrial scale. I doubt we’ll be turning anyone down, in fact, franchise clone factories are already under secret construction in Asia and North America at so-called overflow sites where we are planning other clone-only Raelist cities.”

Did Nobuo Uematsu plagiarize Led Zeppelin for Final Fantasy VII?

Led Zeppelin - Physical Graffiti

You decide

Listen to the following track from the unforgettable Final Fantasy VII videogame soundtrack, composed by Squaresoft’s in-house musical guru Nobuo Uematsu, and then listen to the legendary track from the Led Zeppelin album Physical Graffiti.

The possible plagiarism starts at the 15-second mark of ‘The Shinra Corporation’

The movement is the same, note-for-note, as John Paul Jones’ synthesizer crescendo beginning at the seven-minute mark of ‘Kashmir’

Led Zeppelin got their ideas from literature, folklore and the Blues. The idea for the song Kashmir came from a visit to the South Asian region of Kashmir. For three years, singer Robert Plant and guitarist Jimmy Page worked on the song, with contributions from drummer John Bonham. They finally released the song in 1975.