Month: August 2013

EIB NETWORK OFFICIAL COMMUNIQUE — Controversial Conservative Talk Radio Mogul Rush Limbaugh endorsed medical marijuana legalization on his show Tuesday, and told Internet Chronicle reporters smoking the “Mary Jane” helped him recover after a scandalous opiate addiction. Rush pontificated in front of the golden EIB microphone, “All you listeners out there in flyover country, I know this might scare you a bit, but I wouldn’t have been able to make it through hundreds of shows if it weren’t for the benefits of medical marijuana. When I topped off my cigar with a half gram, all my tremors and cravings for painkillers disappeared. I was able to speak more eloquently than ever, if anything. And when I stopped craving the painkillers, I went back to normal cigars without any withdrawals whatsoever. I know this may come to a shock to some of the people out in the heartland, but Marijuana is a truly miraculous medicine.”

Rush Limbaugh brought Libertarian talk host Neal Boortz onto his show for a discussion about the flaws and merits of legalizing drugs. Rush took the position that mostly harmless and medicinally-oriented drugs like marijuana and possibly MDMA should be legalized, but Boortz pushed for legal recreational use of all drugs. Boortz, exasperated, said “We should be ashamed that we have more prisoners than any other country in the world, and who are we locking up? They’re all drug addicts. They buy and consume drugs. That’ll drive the economy as powerfully as a war, as long as we nationalize the production and retail of the drugs as we do with alcohol and armored humvees. It’s win-win.”

INTERNET — It is a known fact that Michael Hastings body was indeed cremated by the Stasi without the permission of Hastings’ family. Today, an extremist secret police sponsored internet rag known as WHOWHATWHY ran a story claiming otherwise, after coercing family members to retract their story and say “It was our wish to have Michael’s remains cremated.”

It has become obvious to me that the Hastings cover-up has gone further than simply exploiting Tor users with iframe-neuro-programming exploits, but are now combining their efforts with Lockheed Martin and U.S. Cyber Command to radiate electrical pulses utilizing the IEEE 802.15.6 BAN(Body Area Network) for short-range biometric manipulation, which has been done to me many times while talking to people whom I believe to be federal agents.

The family was manipulated by a PHYSICAL psy-op WHOWHATWHY put in place while manipulating their body-chemistry to be controlled zombies for the world banking elite. The government will stop at nothing to keep the murder of a Rolling Stone journalist a complete and utter secret. I say this now as I fear for my life since my family is being terrorized by Stasi tactics involving discoloured meat.

LOS ALAMOS, NM — Technology in general advanced once again today, as a small group of scientists lurched beneath a tree in the courtyard of one of the many research wings in the Los Alamos National Laboratory. A short man with glasses, known only to the Internet Chronicle as ‘Dr. Bill’, was scribbling wildly on his iPad 7, taking calculations and analyzing on-the-fly reactions of what they were witnessing.

After years of sophisticated research into obscure interdisciplinary engineering, the group known only as the ‘Trinquier Group’– inspired by French World War II hero and counter-insurgency theorist Col. Roger Trinquier — was finally able to breathe a collective sigh of relief as the results ticked a green dot on Dr. Bill’s iPad, irrefutably indicating success. The beads of sweat running down their foreheads immediately turned from subtle nuisances to non-existent, as a jovial cheer came from the hush, followed by a round of low-fives and hugs, presumably.

“What just happened here was something never before witnessed by anyone before, this… this is something we’ve dedicated our lives to and finally, we have achieved  one of the greatest advancements in science.” said another DARPA funded scientist, the groups official spokesman. He continued, “Our way of life will be changed, once and for all, again.”

Miles outside the lab, a group of protesters gathered as rumors trickled out of the technologies success, fearing that their way of life may be threatened. Activist Lisa Lithian, holding a sign lambasting the politically neutral scientists for their life changing research, said to the Internet Chronicle: “There is absolutely no oversight to what goes on here, what kind of technologies are being created that would possibly change our lives.” Unaware that the new technology had already begun changing the way of her life, Lisa continued chanting in unison with the others.

Senior LANL Chairman, General Hamfred L. Gorgeworth, addressed congress today stating that the way of life threatened by this new technology was truly nothing to worry about. Allaying the fears of the already altered public.