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Health Science Technology

Biden era chemtrail push shatters particle records of Obama regime

Spectrometers have recorded 'the thickest and most numerous chemtrails in all of history.'

Los Angeles–Private citizen journalists across the nation are reporting the thickest chemtrailing yet, as particle records reach historic highs in the first weeks of 2022.

Chemical particles are so dense that government poisons are visible to the naked eye, even at ground level, which is now hazy and adulterated with ‘unknowable’ vaccine chemicals.

Infrared gas-imaging cameras capture an oceanic 'chemsheet' with contrails for seams, as it is blown out to sea over the Atlantic. January 21, 2022
Infrared gas-imaging cameras capture an oceanic chemsheet, with contrails for seams, as it is blown out to sea over the Atlantic. January 21, 2022

High profile celebrity sheep dogs want to set an example, with veteran broadcaster Joe Rogan leading the pack.

“I’m wearing a mask all the time,” Rogan said on his Thursday podcast. “I’m wearing it in public, in my car, in my own house. Not out of fear of the phony Corona panic. I’m wearing it to protect myself from the chemtrails, dog. They’re putting vaccines in them now, so I’m running air filters around the clock, keyed into a — what’s it called, Jamie? — a hydrogen peroxide nebulizer. Trying to keep this government filth out of my lungs.”

Rogan, whose lifestyle runs the gamut of Eastern wisdom to wanton drug abuse, and was once rumored to be dead, now takes vitamin D supplements and wears two masks at all times.

“Hear me out. They’re hitting the biggest patriots with a one-two punch. It’s insane. First they come at us with the Corona panic, and the result is predictable. The people who are thinking for themselves, standing up for their freedoms, we all know it’s a scam. But is it?” Rogan asked. “When all the most pathetic sheeple are double masked, that’s when they really started to lay down the chemtrails, so thick that even strong people are having their good lungs give out on them. It hit me hard, really hard. And now that millions of people are dying, they can just blame it on the COVID. Call me a dumb liberal all you want, but I’m double masking my way through this one.”

These widespread suspicions appear to have been confirmed by investigators from Internet Chronicle, who impersonated Biden genocide officials, in order to speak to sales reps at Boeing, where access is limited to a privileged class of high powered mass killers.

Angstrom Troubador, a sales representative for Boeing, boasted to investigators that his project is the deadliest, and least-humane passenger jet the company has ever produced.

Each new Boeing aircraft comes with a reinforced jail cell, for unruly anti-maskers.
Each new Boeing aircraft comes with a reinforced jail cell, for unruly anti-maskers.

“Every new Boeing 747 produced will have a massively expanded chemtrail capacity and a steel-reinforced brig for unruly passengers who resist mask mandates,” Troubador said.

Troubador also gave investigators a sneak peek into Boeing’s new partnership with Google, the Boeing News Bar, a powerful machine learning tool that will force personally targeted fearmongering propaganda onto unwilling passengers.

“On the back of every headrest is the Boeing News Bar, which cannot be disabled,” Troubador said, peeling his lips back in a smile, revealing rows of teeth. “The Boeing News Bar is a live-updating ticker that shows passengers all the hottest takes, fakes and entertainment in real time. Something wicked this way comes.”

His eyes fell to our feet on the floor, and traced back up to our faces.

“More importantly,” Troubador said, “it will inspire fear among the weak-minded, and force them into Conformity+, an in-flight technology tailored for terror. Also, it will provide a humorous window into the antics of non-conformists who find themselves confined to the aircraft’s new brig.”

Troubador chuckled, winking at the investigator. He was onto us.

“Just like y’all, I fly First Class, all the way, so I don’t know what the animals in coach are doing,” Troubador went on. “I just know I’m up here in the blankets, watching Mulholland Drive, and getting my dick sucked like I’m on the Lolita Express. This one’s got a cell, too. So when the plebs in the back are acting up, flailing around like their silly January 6th play-acting is going to get them anywhere, I’ll flick over to the live view of the brig, to watch some screeching QAnon jagoff on the fucking News Bar! I love to see them fighting to not wear masks, even while we’re spraying them down with the poison. What could be better, right? Hilarious. Life after the Great Reset is going to be like heaven on earth.”

Boeing began production on the airliners in May of 2020, with at least twenty of the new 747s now airborne, and likely responsible for the bulk of thickening trails in the sky as well as malaise, lethargy, and dry skin reported by citizen journalists. Old airliners are being retrofitted with the new software and equipment at the breakneck pace of five per day.

The newest airliners in manufacture will be the first passenger jets in more than 50 years to feature in-house entertainment.

Categories
Entertainment Reviews

Meet twitch streamer FeedJared, the world’s fattest man

INTERNET — They say the camera can add ten pounds, but Twitch Partner FeedJared has given new meaning to the old adage. The wide angle lens in FeedJared’s cam, necessary for capturing his ever-expanding body shrinks his hands and feet, lending the streamer a worm-like screen presence similar to Jabba the Hutt. He laughs often, smiling at a cascading chat flush with food emojis and eggplants of encouragement.
FeedJared accepts tips only in food deliveries, and consequently has arranged bookshelves to each side of his bed to contain it all within easy reach. These shelves are stocked with food by Amazon employees, who are seen constantly filing in and out of the room as the daily stream goes on, sometimes for up to 16 hours.
The unofficial FeedJared subreddit says Jared has reinvested his income into a cloud of surveillance drones, each equipped with powerful spotlights and cameras, to capture every crevice of his record-breaking growth in stunning 4K.
By 1,500 lbs, FeedJared became the heaviest man to have ever lived. Now at one ton, he has become a historical anomaly.
“I could not have done it alone,” FeedJared slurred, as a stagehand plugged a twinkie into his open mouth. Damage to his arteries and blood vessels in the brain have rendered him weak, and paralyzed on one side. “I could not have gothn here without my friendth in chat in their generothity.”
The novelty Twitter account TwitchFeedsJared, organizes fans to coordinate Jared‘s diet for maximum weight gain, and is largely responsible for the rapid gain of the latest 500 pounds through a strategic program of sweet cakes, beef ribeyes, and whole sticks of butter.
FeederJT, owner of TwitchFeedsJared, said, “We’re a community of people who are held together by our common love for feeding Jared. We just want him to be happy, and it is just a bonus for us when he thanks us by name as he eats the various food items that we select for him. We’re part of something really special, here.”
At a recent hospital visit, Jared broke the Guinness World Record for largest bowel movement for a human, and the picture of a nurse carrying the massive 38 lb fece went viral on social media, which brought him an equally huge influx of support, tipping his overall weight to over one ton.
During his glow-up announcement on TikTok, a nurse wearing tan scrubs is seen in the background, hurtling soiled towels into a laundry cart to the tune of Rod Stewart’s “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy?” She sees the camera, and quickly moves out of frame.
Jared beckons at her, his hand gripping a turkey thigh, grease flicking off of the deep fried bird.
“I would like to thank my nurth,” Jared blurted out, after swallowing a fistful of peanut butter. “She keepin’ my blood sugar low, my spirits high, oh — and she cleans my butt.”
“Darlita, pleathe come show yourthelf on thtream.”
To which Darlita is heard replying from the background, “No, senor, mi familia esta muy enferma de COVID-19.”
FeedJared turns back to the camera.
“Women!” he exclaims. “Can’t live with ’em. Can’t live without ’em.”
Doctors for FeedJared have given him weeks to live, but fans are confident he will continue to smash records.
“I think it’s just the beginning for Jared,” FeederJT writes, “With support like this he can hit two tons, maybe three tons. Nothing like this has ever happened before in all of history. We have the technology to do anything.”
Categories
Uncontrollable Patriotism

Police Raid on Boone’s Mill Church of Biden exposes Satanic Democrat Child Trafficking Ring

The Satanic Church of Biden, in Boones Mill, Virginia

BOONE’S MILL, VIRGINIA — Police drew a thin blue line across Boone’s Mill, early Friday Morning, as they raided the Boone’s Mill Church of Biden. Minister Whitey Teylor, who presided over a Satanic rape baptism in honor of President Biden, was shot on sight after police were heard shouting, “He’s got a gun!” Teylor survives in critical condition at Roanoke Memorial Hospital, where he is awaiting weapon charges.

Chief of Police Freddy Jaksov said during a pseudoevent that members of law enforcement are scheduled to enter his hospital room and place a gun in his hand, proving his fingerprints were on the murder weapon.

Refuse of Biden merchandise filled Boone’s Mill after police officers tore down cheap cardboard signs littering the church’s exterior, by driving through them in a department issued Mercedes-Maybach S 680. Several mysterious children were saved from so-called rape baptism at the hands of demonic Democrats. However, upon learning these children were illegal immigrants, police promptly and abruptly put them into cages, a practice that thankfully began under Barack Hussein Obama, but that the police nonetheless support.

“The police are animals,” Teylor said. “Cages are the only thing they know.”

Reverend Teylor is charged with “shitting up” Boone’s Mill, where people are already too ugly, following with an ordinance passed by the drunken city council late Thursday night. After the raid he is facing much more serious charges. He is facing 57 charges of conspiracy for the satanic communist pedophile network and 91 relating the the abuse and smuggling of illegal minors which, according to chronicle.su pediatrician Dr. Angstrom H. Trusmeboy, is not that many.

“I’ve seen a lot of trafficking,” Trusmeboy said. “There isn’t much demand for these ones, it’s a niche market, and he’s going to take up space here in my shop. Best I can do is a thousand and five, firm.”

Jaksov later told reporters, “If you find any Biden worshipers out here, report them to us at once, and we will raid their asses, with our batons. You know what they’re doing! We know what they’re doing. Let’s crack some skulls, January 6 style.”

Jaksov took the condom off his baton, and threw it on the ground at his feet.

[UPDATE: Fingerprints identified as belonging to Teylor were found on the murder weapon discovered in his hand by police who, by chance, found it on his person as it left their position into his right hand. According to sources inside the global collective unconscious, he is now fucked.]