Th3j35t3r Voluntarily Enrolls Himself in Dyslexia Clinic

Due to his multiple moving violations confusing command hallucinations to tweet with stop signs, th3j35t3r has had his d0xing license taken away after a failed an hero.

Neoconservative DDoS faggot “th3j35t3r” announced on Thursday evening in a poorly written Pastee that he would begin seeking treatment “at the syldxiea clinic.”

“Ya I ben having lot sof conversations with my wifey Mach and we think thats the best thing for me at this time, rumers of me haveing downs are grately exagerated, I actually have asspurgers” Th3j35t3r wrote this in the Chronicle.SU comment section, which he frequents regularly during extended fap sessions, as he squats over a mirror for a better view of his gaping asshole. He elaborated, “I once read a publishers clearinghouse advertisement as a personal letter from my mother and bought 14.6 million dollars worth of subscriptions to fish and fowl.”

However, members of #jester told a slightly more sordid story.

“Basically he was illiterate,” said Chatterb0x, connoisseur of vegetarian Hot Pockets, which are for people who dont eat meat, but still want diarrhea. The j35t3rfag and Chatterb0x both frequent the same glory hole on every topic that no one gives a shit about. “He made me cam with him topless once and to brow beat me in to writing his Pastee entries, telling me “it rubs the hair gel on its nipples or it gets the DDoS again! I didn’t really understand. I felt so dirty and confused, and I had to wring my pillow out 3 times that night before I finally fell asleep.”

“The guy struts around in a women’s one piece french-cut swimsuit, a potato wedged in his ass crack to ward off the evil potates, wearing a full face latex los luchadores mask. Always comes up to me and asks ‘Chattie, do you think that I’m a baddie?’ Whatever the lord fuck that means. Dude has an awesome collection of Batman comics, though.”

Fans and beneficiaries of the j35t3r and his work include the Dept. of Justice, NAMBLA and Dell Computers.

Editor’s note:

“I’m Adrian Chen, and I can’t see the humor in the Chronicle.SU and why they like to be ripping on The Jester (TM). I think the jester is a pretty cool guy. eh DDoS unintelligible jihad sites and doesnt afraid of anything.”

I’m Adrian Chen, and I endorse CP, among others that may or may not ring true.

Chronicle.SU is WRONG

Adrian Chen attempts to block the view of Tlingit masks he said are "also wrong."

I’m Adrian Chen, and I know many things. I mean, there are a lot of things I know. I know stuff about politics, the Internet and hacktivism because I myself am a troll hacktivist. I try really hard to know as much as possible about what Anonymous tweets, and especially LulzSec, Sabu and reddit.com. But what I know most of all to be most factual and more true than any other fact on the Internet, is that the Chronicle.SU is wrong.

They are wrong about many things, especially the stuff I know more about than they do. I write for a website called Gawker, which is never wrong, and always right. In fact, since I can’t seem to find any satire websites with balls enough to tackle hacktivism on the internet, I am thinking about starting my own satire site, in which I replace the word “write” with “right” – because I am always right! (I’m a righter! Get it?)

One of the things Chronicle.SU is wrong about is Sabu of LulzSec and #AntiSec being a brown guy named Hugo. They are especially wrong about that because they wrongly Photoshopped an image of Hugo’s face as the leader of #ANTISEC, the group competing against Anonymous for most lulz. WRONG! He’s not the leader, fucking idiots! Sabu is! And Sabu isn’t Hugo! Jesus.

Adrian Trolls — Chen: "Chronicle.SU was also wrong when they said I was wrong about who invented Anonymous porn. I knew Chronicle.SU already invented Anon porn. I wasn't wrong. I was just trolling them behind their backs because that's how Adrian rolls."

You know, if the Chronicle.SU was a satire website, this would almost be forgivable, even though LulzSec is no laughing matter, but this is an egregious error on the part of Chronicle.SU Editors, right on up to the executives and I’m speaking out!

If I were the owner of that newspaper, and it wasn’t some socialist experiment of a defunct military state like the Soviet Union, I’d call a company-wide meeting to talk about fact-checking and making sure we never run anything wrong, ever again. Because like I said earlier, Gawker has never run a single wrong thing – not with MY name attached to it, they haven’t. The Chronicle.SU is the most inaccurate, least factual source of information I’ve ever read. And yet, I keep coming back for more! It’s sickening.

I have a message for you Chronicle.SU readers out there who fall consistently for their lies and disinformation. You ready for it? Here it is, BIG NEWS BABY HERE WE GO:

The Chronicle.SU is a propaganda tool of the disinformation arm of the United States Government.

During Psy-Operative campaigns by the CIA, the Chronicle.SU was imbedded in IRC chats distributing pro-wikileaks articles and information so biased toward truth we jokingly called it truth-propaganda around the Gawker office. And they released DDoS instructions, toolkits and PHP-based starter kits to help lies spread faster, no matter what they were; they even helped build the Louise Boat. Simply disgusting.

The Chronicle.SU is a propaganda tool of the disinformation arm of the United States Government.

Get a clue. Avoid Chronicle.SU